Genesis: a new beginning

Exodus: departure, exit, withdrawal

I feel like I’ve had too much exodus lately. People have made their exodus (in many ways) from my life. Jobs and financial security have made their exodus as well. I’ve experienced a church fellowship exodus, a friendship exodus, a health exodus, a motivation exodus, a confidence exodus, and a general well being exodus — to name but a few of my recently experienced exoduses. Some of the exodus has been by me, some of the exodus has been by others. Too much exodus in my opinion, regardless of which direction it came from.

I was reading The Message this morning — Psalm 51. I don’t know what made me turn to that particular Psalm, but as is the usual effect of The Message, a sentence jumped out at me in a new way (and since I don’t have the newest version of The Message that actually numbers the verses, I can only tell you I think it’s verse 10).

God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.

When I think of Genesis, I think of God speaking the world into existence — a world where everything was new, clean, full of promise and purpose. When I think of a personal genesis, I think of starting over, a personal rebirth, a new direction.

I’ve experienced symptoms, if you will, or seen indicators of a genesis about to happen — after all, my world has exploded in the last couple of years, nothing looks the same as when I began this journey — but I still feel dead inside. It’s been a painful process that’s left me feeling like I’m still stuck in the chaos of my life, waiting for that final push, that last day, where the sun comes out and birds start singing and God reaches down and breathes life into me. Forgive me if I wish he’d just hurry up and breathe already, because I’m tired of pinching myself to a) make sure I’m not sleeping and this isn’t all just a horrible nightmare, or to b) make sure I’m not too numb and can at least still feel something.

Everybody has a season like this. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve been here before and I’ve been through the genesis. I know what it feels like — it’s not that far removed from my memory — and I know it’s coming again. I’m just anxious for it, more than I have been in a long, very long time. Something has to change, to give, to budge, to move… but it all starts with the breath of God.

God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life…(and a verse later) Bring me back from grey exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! (breathe! exhale!)

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