FLOATING IN THE SEA OF FORGETFULNESS

In my lifetime, I have experienced many songs that grab hold of me, strangely, strongly. I don’t know if it’s the timing of the experience, the voice that sings it, the music that carries it, the words that explode to life in my heart, or a combination of all of the above.

I was driving home from work one day listening to a Christian radio station (which isn’t my first choice because I’m a girl who’s all about variety) and this song came on. This rich, edgy voice sang out Here I am Lord, and I’m drowning in your sea of forgetfulness… and tears streaked my cheeks as I made my way home.

He had me at drowning.

As I listened to the rest of the song, I found myself making mental notes of each turn of phrase. This is a song I wish I’d written, but I know my heart writes it daily.

Since I find myself over my head in sin often, how can I forget how deep the Sea of Forgetfulness is, how wide and infinite its shores? Yet I do. Every day. I prove it by my thoughts, words, actions, and inactions.

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in

I am not perfect, and I don’t pretend to be. I’d never make it in the “I’m so righteous!” club anymore. When I had a trial membership in that club, I found myself screaming “Hypocrite!” at myself in the mirror every day. I’m a deeply flawed individual desperately seeking to find myself in the eyes of my Lord. That’s the best I can do most days.

I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight

I didn’t sleep much last night. I don’t have one particular sin on my mind, no particular regret… My eyes were just glued open, and I stared at the ceiling, wondering what I could do better, how I could be a better me. I feel like I’ve been doing so much better, but I still have so far to go.

I can’t live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals

This is who I know I am… a wretched sinner saved by grace. I’m so grateful grace is a free gift. I’d have bankrupted the world’s fortunes by now if I’d tried to buy it myself.

Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Thank you, Lord, that’s not true! Each day I am so grateful, even if I don’t say it or act that way, that You have never let go of me, even though I deserve it. Thank you, God, that I don’t have to walk on the eggshells of perfectionism anymore and worry about what happens when I screw up one more time because I’ve realized I’m going to screw up one more time at least seventy times seven. I’m never going to be perfect. I’m going to hurt people by my thoughts, words, actions, or inactions. Some days I will wear the name of hypocrite tattooed on my forehead. It’s inevitable. I’m human, but God made me.

GOD, PLEASE SAVE ME FROM MYSELF!

And then I will cry out to God (again) and I will fall into the arms of the One I know will never let me down or leave me to drown or leave me as I am (Praise God!). When I fall down (again), when I screw up (again), when I hurt someone else (again), when I let someone down (again), He’s there to pick up the pieces and throw them in the Sea of Forgetfulness (again). His mercies are new every morning, and He never gives up on me or lets me go. This God of the universe sees my potential and if I seek Him and let Him work in me, I, too, will be new every morning.

I’m not holding on to You, but You’re holding on to me
You’re holding on to me

I was driving home from work one day and I heard this song on the radio… and though I’ve heard it many times over since, I still weep whenever I hear it. When I hear it, I don’t feel guilty, I feel hopeful. There is hope for me because God will never let me go, but He lets go of my sin and instead of drowning, I float peacefully in the Sea of Forgetfulness.

From one scarred hand to the other…

East To West
Casting Crowns
Written by Mark Hall & Bernie Herms

Here I am, Lord, and I’m drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You’ve cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
’cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
’cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

I know You’ve washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can’t live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals
I’m not holding on to You, but You’re holding on to me
You’re holding on to me

Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don’t have to see the man I’ve been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
’cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other

Hear the song on Casting Crowns Myspace.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Karie says:

    No words. Except….we are so much alike.

  2. Dana says:

    I’m a deeply flawed individual desperately seeking to find myself in the eyes of my Lord. That’s the best I can do most days.Amen and Amen. I loved this, thank your for being so honest and thank you for being faithful to what God called you to write. It blessed me tremendously!

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