RANDOM THOUGHTS

I’ve never been a rich woman, that is, in financial terms. I’ve always struggled to make ends meet, never had savings, could never walk into a store and buy all the groceries I wanted and not worry about how I would pay for it all…and there were times where if I walked out with more than two bags of groceries, I felt giddy.

I’m still not a rich woman, at least not in financial terms, but I have a little more breathing room each month and can buy whatever groceries I want, and still have enough leftover to buy gas… maybe dinner out more than once… some to save… and some to give away.

It’s an odd feeling, living in this space of enough. I feel comfortable (but not complacent) with where I am in life, but not because I have a full refrigerator, or because I have nicer clothes or actually have hopes of buying a car in the nearer future… but because something has shifted inside me.

The money isn’t important. Money used to be hugely important in my life. Money used to be the answer at the end of every sentence. I’d travel if I had… I’d make time for (blank) if I had… I’d be happier if I had more… you get the idea.

Now, the money is there and it didn’t answer any questions or give me more time or creativity or happiness… I just finally realized a year or so ago, that money wasn’t important. I was satisfied with what I had, and then God gave me more.

God has provided me more than financially, he has set me in the perfect place for this season of my life. I am rich with friends. He has surrounded me with loving friends and for the first time I feel like I’m on the verge of truly being able to receive love freely.

I know people have loved me. I’ve felt loved before. I don’t know how to describe how I feel right now, really, only that I know I resist love less, almost not at all even in spite of myself. I have fought long and hard to get here, and now that I stand on this precipice, all I feel like I should do is let go and soak it all in.

Just some random thoughts. Maybe I should write one night about what wonders around in my brain… then again, maybe not… ha

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