TIME FOR A RE-WRITE

Okay. I get it now. It’s sink or swim time. Put your money where your mouth is time. It’s I’ve got to do this or I’ll explode time.

SO…

Please pray for me. I am at a crossroads in my life. I am still looking for a job, still searching for a way to keep myself from becoming a homeless statistic. You know how they say most people are two paychecks away from being homeless? I guess I represent most people. I have scrounged my way for three years now and I’m nowhere near any goal I have ever set for myself — except for the goal of not being homeless. I’m precariously near blowing that goal and failing at something most people take for granted — putting a roof over their heads.

Therefore, in addition to trying to find a job, I am going to try something radically different. I am going to try to do some freelance writing to supplement my income.

“It’s about time!” you shout at your computer monitor.

“Go for it!” you chant while your neighbors think you’re looney.

“What’s taken you so long?” you inquire loudly to no one in particular.

…and yet some of you will declare: “Have you lost your mind?!”

Well, listen. I’ve listened to the “Have you lost your mind?!” crowd for 34 years and y’all are full of (fill in the blank — use your imagination– be colorful). I’ve listened to y’all and look where it’s gotten me. I’m miserable, out of sync, and barely surviving. I’ve tried to fit into the mold that our workaholic culture dictates, and I just can’t do it anymore. If you think I’ve lost my mind, I have, but in the process, I’ve retrieved my soul from the abyss of You Will Never Succeed So Why Even Bother? or another vestibule of creative hell.

Once that notion crystalized in my worn out brain, my ears perked up and my eyes brightened. Yes, indeed, I have lost my mind! If the “Have you lost your mind?!” crowd has anything to say, I reject it, and they can keep it and do whatever makes them happy with it, but for the love of Pete, please don’t try to infect anyone else with the negative psychobabble. Y’all have nearly killed me. Please don’t do it to anybody else. If you’re unhappy with your life, fine. Either do something about it or shut up.

For me, to not create is self destructive. I’ve had it drilled into my head since I was a kid that creativity was not practical, and that dreams come true for other people. Well, for decades now, I’ve tried to be practical and I’ve watched other people’s dreams come true. Practicality, conformity and the death of my dreams has not prospered me whatsoever. So, I’m taking a U-turn now. It may not turn out how I picture it… but I’m pretty sure that’s a good thing. It will most likely turn out better. It may be a long, very long time before I see any results from my labors, but I’m not going to deny myself anymore. It’s my time now and I have no problem with saying that any longer.

Anyone who has a problem with it, proceed with caution if you ask for an autographed copy of anything I’ve written, and don’t expect to see your name under acknowledgments or thank you’s. Amen. And if that seems harsh to y’all, imagine what y’all did to me every time you took my dreams and squashed them in the name of practicality and conformity and all the other garbage y’all fed me. I think, yes, I know I’m being much nicer to you right now than you were to me and my dreams. Trust me on this.

So… I’m finally going to try to realign myself with who I was so long ago… and go a different direction. I may not succeed in dollars, but I will succeed in sense.