MORE TALES FROM THE RECEPTIONIST

I cannot say what her real name is, so I’ll call her Sadie. Sadie calls the switchboard periodically — in fact for a while she called us once a week to tell us some wild story. She’s been banned from the church because she used to charge the pulpit during sermons, screaming and calling the pastor names. We’re not really sure how she gets use of a phone (she’s not supposed to have one where she lives), but occasionally she rings us to liven up our day.

The last time I heard from her, she told me that virgins have supernatural power (and nobody told me!) and that she was afraid she was going to kill the drunk man who comes to visit her the next time he came over… because she has this supernatural power and he doesn’t know it. Ok…

Last week she called and said, “The pastor said Sunday that smoking in the house of God is evil,” and she wanted to come arrest the person smoking in the house of God. I told her that I was fairly certain that nobody had been smoking in the building (except for my smoking popcorn incident), and she laughed and said, “oh this was years ago, but I want to arrest him for smoking in the house of God.”

Then she says that she wants to put on a police uniform and arrest whoever it is she thinks is smoking in the church…and if we would please hire her as a security guard she’d be happy to do the job.

“Please keep me in mind,” she says.

Oh yeah, I will.

I go home and tell my roommie about Sadie’s latest call and she says, “that’s odd, there was an episode of The West Wing last week where the president smoked a cigarette in a church and it caused a big ruckus.”

If Sadie is indeed watching The West Wing, then the man she wants to arrest is Martin Sheen.

I’ve watched the last few episodes of The West Wing, just in case she calls again. Any advantage or small clue I can have in these conversations is helpful.

And how is life in your world?