I tend to go at life at an all or nothing pace. Either I am running along, full steam ahead, or I am at a complete standstill, most likely because I had too much full steam ahead. Balancing my busy schedule the past three months was so impossible, I stopped trying. Three weddings in six weeks, two of which I was very involved in, left little time for “nothing” time.
I call it “nothing” time, but in reality, doing nothing actually means emptying my head of all its creative, insane thoughts, while doing laundry, cleaning, editing pics or whatever else needs done. So really, I’m not all that good at doing “nothing,” and as a result I’ve written nothing in two months.
Don’t get me wrong. The last few months, helping brides and grooms prepare for weddings has been a lot of fun (and a learning experience that maybe one day I will find time to write about) but free time was not usually a luxury I had. In fact, on more than one occasion, I found myself faced with more than one bridal shower in a very short amount of time on a Saturday. Juggling feelings and expectations isn’t something I do well normally, and under pressure sometimes my own expectations of how I handle all that is met with a big, fat, fail. Double that with my lack of down time and yes, there are some things I wish I could do over. I do believe, however, I came out on the other side of wedding season better than I was before.
I don’t download my brain easily. There’s a certain combination that must happen before my thoughts come flowing out. The first requirement of the combination is uninterrupted time. The second is the desire to face whatever is being stored in my head. The third is usually a combination in and of itself that can be vary between whether or not I’ve had enough sleep, to what I’ve eaten or what I’ve done that day, but the first two are a must.
I hope to start downloading all my thoughts soon, but I at least need to find a way to pause more often in my all or nothing schedule so that the gaps are not this long again!