When you peel away the layers of me, what lies at my core is my story. The story of me… the story of how I came to be at this moment in my life… the person who sits here now, typing away, the person I am when the lights are off and the world sleeps. I am she, and she is me.
Right now, my brain feels like scrambled eggs, or as a young friend once insisted they be called, “scrambies.” (Because he’d eat scrambies, but if you said the word “eggs” around him… nightmare). So my brain feels like scrambies.
I’ve had quite an emotional week. I opened up my soul and shared it with a group of people I’m investing in, and they in return are investing in me. It’s the first time in such a long time that I’ve been vulnerable with people outside my core group, and to say I was petrified to do so would be a gross understatement.
Since I’ve been on a quest to feel, I knew this day would come… the day I would sit down and open myself up for rejection and hurt. But that’s part of feeling, isn’t it? You can’t feel joy without feeling pain… you can’t feel happiness without at some point feeling sadness. Each side of this very fickle coin go hand in hand. One side cannot exist without the other.
I’ve experienced my share of sorrow, so does this mean I will have happiness now instead? Perhaps, but what I feel is that when sorrow comes I’ll know happiness is on the other side, and I know I will get through to it now. Will I ever feel rejection again? I’m certain of it, but what was reinforced to me this week is that won’t always be the case. Sometimes you open up your soul and love awaits on the other side.
I’ve never thought of myself as a courageous person, but courage is what it took to take the major leap I did this week. The source of my courage is, of course, Christ. I could not have moved forward in my life if He were not leading the way.
Thank you, Lord, for friendship and companionship on the road of life. Thank you for giving me the courage to feel and the courage to live my life authentically. I am overwhelmed with gratitude and…feeling.