THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST

Lately, I feel as if the Ghost of Christmas Past has moved into my apartment and is giving me daily tours of the Shae that Was. Each tour reveals another glimpse of my past (or, rather, the bulldozer that is my past, depending on the tour)… the me that once was… the me I don’t recognize any longer. The me that makes me look toward heaven and ask, “was that really me?”

I think I have a good grasp of where I’ve come from, what I’ve overcome, and what I choose daily to leave behind. Because of this, I am even more aware of my present self, the me I am today, this hour, this minute. Though I like the present and the me I’ve become, I am not content to stay.

I often wonder who/what I will grow into in the next five, ten years… if I will look back at this moment in time and wonder who that person is and if I will like what I see in my rearview mirror. What will I have learned by then? What demons will I have exorcised, what knowledge and wisdom will I have gained? What bad habits will I have shed? What part of myself that most holds me back right now will I have overcome by then?

I doubt that I will ever be visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future/Yet to Come. Given what Ebenezer Scrooge was shown, I don’t know that I want to know what I will become if I stop growing, even at this moment of my life.

Maybe I’ve lingered in this present day too long – maybe I’ve been confronted by the Ghost of Christmas Past to jump start a new growth spurt. Whatever the reason, I’ve grown tired of her company. I get it. I really do.

I’m ready to run through the streets screaming, “Merry Christmas everyone!” like a person who’s lost their mind, ready to embrace sanity for the very first time. In my world sanity means change and growth, and I refuse to return to the insane madness that was once my life.

As the future is yet to be, what I do now can make it even better than I could ever imagine or think… and I have a wild, vivid imagination.

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