Posted in about shae, Bro Onions, femininity, Yahweh's fingerprints


My Green Onion is getting married. For him, this means that Schmitty actually said yes and they’ve successfully negotiated the terms of the college football season. For me, this means that less than six months from now, I will be in another wedding. Either I’ve not learned the lesson from just a few months ago that was going through via the other two Onion’s weddings, or the universe decided I looked so good in the Victorian Lilac that He decided I needed to try again in Pool or Pastel Blue or whatever the color choice actually becomes (But I look great in that color family, too).

The fact of the matter is, since I wrote about this subject in January, this journey has taken me places I never thought I’d go or admit to think about visiting. For example, I cleaned out my closet and rid myself of an unbelievable amount of shapeless t-shirts because I have come to terms with my curves. I wear heels now (to work at least) more than any other type shoe and I will go without food to have a pedicure at least once a month. My closet could compare with my Shoe Diva’s in her early phases of excessive foot covering addiction. I also gave myself a facial this afternoon and refreshed my pedicure. This is still me in 2010.

When my Sweet Onion and his bride said, “I do,” the feminine spell didn’t break. It has woven itself deeper into me than I thought possible. Even though I still wear the tshirt and the flip flops, I do like my bootcut jeans and heels almost to excess.

So we will see what happens over the next few months. I will try to do better about posting. I have many irons in the fire right now. I’m trying to start a photography business, reignite my creative writing, and somehow have enough down time to have enough energy for all this creative output.

Thank you for hanging in there with me. It’s going to be an interesting ride! (and I say that like it isn’t always like that…hmm…)

Posted in Bro Onions, Yahweh's fingerprints


I was thinking about my Bro Onions (and The Shallot) this evening.  Seeing the Green Onion tonight and how happy he is (I don’t think dynamite could change his countenance… I blame Schmitty) got it started.  He is always starting something.

The Green Onion is almost always happy.  Not happy in the superficial sense, but satisfied, or at the very least, he doesn’t sweat the small stuff.  He’s been dating a wonderful young woman (Schmitty) and in less than one week after he met her, he went from a goofy goober (terms used affectionately, of course) to a romantic, somewhat sappy, goofy goober.  His priorities have changed (Cane’s misses you) but it’s not like the body snatchers have come and left an alien in his place (I still might go to The Shallot’s and look for pods in the garage, but the Green Onion has always seemed a bit alien to me).  He’s always been that  romantic, sappy guy, but now he just has a chance to show others via Schmitty that he’s that guy.

I would say that I’m surprised to see this side of him, but I’m not.  I knew that guy existed, but I like teasing him about all of his sappy-ness anyway.  It’s what big sisters do.

If I measured the sappy romanticness of the Green Onion and the Transparent Onion, it would be down to ounces of who is more romantic/sappy.  Really.  The Transparent Onion is getting married in 58 days.  (I’m sure he’s got it counted down to nanoseconds).  I can’t wait to be a part of that big day.  I’ve said his mantra about three times today, “I’m just gonna give love a chance,” (not really sure why, either!) and I can’t help but think of him and his lovely bride-to-be when I pray about the kind of love story I want to be a part of.

The Sweet Onion will be getting married in 71 days.  There’s a lot of craziness swirling around in his life right now, but you know, that guy sits in the eye of the hurricane with God and even when he’s quieter or more comptemplative than usual, I know he’s solid.  He’s building testimony right now, and believe me, he’ll tell it to ears that need it one day.

The Opaque Onion is reaping some rewards of being his own boss right now, getting a little rest and downtime after tax season.  I often think about how brave he is, and how leaps of faith don’t happen or turn out well with weak legs.  He built up his strength through trial and when the time came to leap, he was ready. 

Message to the Opaque Onion:  Get your face to Houston (the rest of you can come, too).  I miss your face. 

The Shallot has started a new project with his little boy and whoever wants to be on the crew restoring this Lone Star boat.  This is one of the things that I admire about The Shallot:  he not only has a bucket list, he’s checking things off on that list.

So tonight, I fall asleep pondering weddings, romantic/sappy-ness, faith, giving love a chance and bucket lists.  Always an interesting mix with those Onions (and The Shallot).

Posted in Bro Onions, Lent, Yahweh's fingerprints


My Transparent Onion has a friend that I’ve only hung out with a couple of times, but he, like my Transparent Onion, asks deep, probing questions disguised as random thoughts.  Of course, his question, awkwardly answered, really did hit me like a ton of bricks – many hours later.  I will get to The Question momentarily.

The first time I met him we were watching TV with the Transparent Onion and his lovely bride-to-be after a birthday dinner.  My Transparent Onion is addicted to various things:  Lost, Texas Aggie sports, other various sports featuring teams that do not wear maroon and white, Ultimate Frisbee, really good music, coffee (his Nana recently enabled him with a coffee grinder the size of a garbage compactor), and, among other things, BBC America’s Planet Earth

After we finished a section of Planet Earth, this lanky blonde sits up from where he had unfolded on the floor and asks, “So, what do you do to change the world every day?”

Inside, my reaction was identical to the first time the Transparent Onion asked me one of his deeply probing randomly-disquised questions, “Um…like…do you know me?!”  My answer meandered because one, I was not expecting the question (but I guess I should.  My Transparent Onion rolls with some pretty deep and pondering peeps), and two, if you could sum up what I do for a living it’s making order from chaos, which doesn’t sound very exciting or fulfilling.  If you peel away the layers of any job I’ve had, though, that phrase is the most basic way to describe my work skill set, and it’s easier than trying to describe what I do without people pulling from their file of perceived notions of what my job actually is.

Of course, I went home that night and couldn’t get that question off my mind.  When it comes down to it, what I do (at least for a living) really does nothing to change the world – at least I don’t see it that way. 

There are things I do (writing, photography, friendship and other unquantifiables) that perhaps, at the very least, bring joy or a new view or perspective to the world, but my work revolves around none of these things.  After I was asked The Question, I see how out of balance this is (and I will continue to work on reversing that).

Most of the time I feel like a star-shaped peg trying to find the place I fit while walking through a maze of round and square holes, and that includes my life outside work.  One day, I will find that star-shaped hole and I will fit in it so naturally I will wonder how on earth I kept missing it.

What I’ve finally decided is that it’s not necessarily what I do that changes the world, it’s who I am and Whose I am that is the starting point of whether or not I am a world changer.  That realization is a difficult pill to swallow when I get reminded every once in a while that I’m not always the best advertisement of God.  

I am certain about one thing pertaining to my answer to The Question – it needs to be a different one.  First of all, I need to be in the mindset of changing the world every day, even if the world, for that moment, is as big as a cubicle or a conference room, or perhaps even someone’s living room, car or couch.   Second, I need to empower myself to utilize the skills that really are my world changers. 

I need to be better prepared to answer questions like The Question.  Dang those Bro Onions and their brothers from… different gardens… These young men keep me on my toes, which, I guess, in many ways, changes my world one day at a time. 

I’m working on that different answer now.  Thanks for that world changing question. 

Posted in Bro Onions, Yahweh's fingerprints

PEELING BRO ONIONS (and The Shallot)

In the beginning of the year that just closed, a particular group of friends has stepped up, surrounded me, loved on me and accepted me in both the most subtle ways and in a relentless full on assault. As much as they are a part of my life, I am a part of theirs and though that still feels strange to me sometimes, it does feel right.

My life is completely funny in the way people happen to me. If you’d told me, even sixteen months ago that the majority of my peer group would actually be several years younger than me, I would have laughed…quite heartily. If you had told me, at that same time that many of my “peeps” would be men, I’d have told you that you were crazy. Plumb loco and oh so wrong.

In 2009, I had a garden to tend and it started with onions, Bro Onions, as I like to call them. They are my little brothers and they each teach me something different both about men in general and about myself.

The first to be named an Onion was the Transparent Onion. This one, in fact, is the youngest one of the bunch, yet he often spouts the wisdom of a sage and prophet. He taught me one important phrase I will never forget, “I’m just gonna give love a chance!” He did, and he’s marrying a beautiful woman in June.

The Transparent Onion got his moniker the night he was telling me all about his philosophy on giving love a chance and the object of his affection. He looked at me at one point in exasperation and said, “You don’t understand! I’m an onion! I have layers!”

“Oh, but I see right through your layers,” I remember telling him. “You are a transparent onion,” and bless him, that stuck on him like the smell of onions on your hands after you chop one up with tears running down your cheeks.

The Transparent Onion has shown me the value of giving love a chance, and the reward of risking great heartbreak. He jumped off the cliff of love and he hasn’t landed yet.

Then I named the Opaque Onion. Oh yes, this one is layered more than the Transparent Onion and his layers are by far more difficult to see through, but one of his secrets is out – he’s good at pretty much everything he does. Though he says, “I haven’t done that since the third grade,” he can bowl/pitch/throw/bat/sing/make music and toss a mean Frisbee, and is one of the most naturally graceful and agile people I’ve ever met.

The Opaque Onion keeps things so close to the vest that he appears to be an ocean of calm when the insides of him are in a blender. He doesn’t think I see that though, and I’ll let him think I don’t. Still, he truly has been an ocean of calm to me, especially when I am wound up and ready to spin out of control. All I have to do is look into those eyes that are the color of the peace and I am calm. In November, the Opaque Onion moved to Austin to pursue a dream and he has inspired me to pursue dreams of my own.

I miss his face.

The Green Onion is so named because he will never grow up, and I do not mean that in the derogatory way. This man is not a child, but he likes to laugh and have fun enjoy himself and if he ever stops doing that, I will revoke his Bro Onion membership.

I had known the Green Onion for maybe a week or two when he came to my birthday party last year. All of my small group had been invited and he had just joined. He hardly knew me, but he wanted to make friends, so he came. One of the things I admire about him is that he puts himself out there win or lose. He has a big heart and a lot of wisdom when it really counts that I value more than he knows. I can ask him anything and believe me, he will tell me, point blank, no filter.

He makes me laugh so hard sometimes my stomach hurts. He makes me laugh through my tears, even when I want to punch him and tell him to just let me cry. He’ll let me cry, but he won’t let me wallow there. He knows things about me I don’t want him to know because he reads people well. This bothers me to perturbation, because being known means being vulnerable. I fight this even though I know it’s a battle I can’t win with this one. Resistance is futile, but I’m going down swinging. This seems to amuse him.

The Green Onion’s favorite activity as it pertains to me is button pushing. He enjoys pushing and pushing (and pushing, and pushing) my buttons, and he can handle the consequences. He always calls or texts at the right time (but I never tell him that), and while he may believe his timing is off, it isn’t in everything.

Green is the color of balance, change, and growth. This Onion has perfected the art of living the same balanced and off-balanced space and in turn, he keeps me both balanced and off-balance. He pushes me to change and grow by bringing me to the point of exasperation and speechlessness. Then I have to sit down and figure out how I got to that point (good or bad) and it’s usually during that reflection I really see myself. He can get me to do things most people give up trying to get me to do because he makes me forget (temporarily) that I’m 40 and uncoordinated or unprepared or scared or naïve, and that even if I think some of life has passed me by, it’s never too late to reach back and make time my biotch.

The fourth Onion, the Sweet Onion, is marrying one of my close friends in July. He is the Sweet one because he is one of the gentlest people I’ve ever met. He waited a long time for the right woman to come along, proving that prayer and patience is a more difficult route sometimes, but the rewards are worth the wait.

His favorite activities include loving my friend Hallie, and I’m pretty sure this isn’t as important, but he enjoys pushing my buttons (I blame the Green Onion for showing him this) and pitting me against the Green Onion to see more button pushing and me fighting back with no filter.

Some time after the Bro Onions had been established, then came The Shallot. The Shallot is married with one of the cutest, most easy-going babies and the world’s most patient, understanding wife. I’ve seen some of The Shallot’s craziness in action and Mrs. Shallot rolls her eyes and moves the baby out of the way and lets life unfold…at a safe distance. I pay attention to what she does more than she thinks.

The Shallot is the Green Onion ten years down the road. They complete each other. They have a specific Man Call (if I call it the mating call again, they will kill me) and they share the same brain, mercifully spending Saturdays together watching football so the brain can rest in one spot. The Shallot is teaching the Green Onion many valuable skills in the Mitchen (Man Kitchen/grill), as well as gardening/lawn maintenance. He has even managed to teach the Green Onion enough to trust him as a babysitter.

I spent Christmas Day with The Shallot and his family, which means more to me than I can put into words. I know if I ever needed something and didn’t tell him and he found out about it, he’d be very upset with me. That’s actually a comfort.

So I have four Bro Onions and one Shallot. To think that at this time last year, that I only knew one of them blows my mind!