Posted in creativity, NANOWRIMO, Writing

CREATIVE DISTRACTIONS

I have creatively distracted myself enough this weekend, which is good in many, many ways. Though I am well over 6,000 words in my quest for 50,000, I did not write on Sunday. Instead, after taking some awesome Ultimate Frisbee photos, I went to the Menil and then to Miller Outdoor Theater to enjoy a concert by Barrage.

I was completely saturated with creativity, but still struggled to write 1800 words yesterday. I believe my story idea is good, I’m just having trouble with takeoff. Again, I usually have a bit more time to prepare for NANOWRIMO and have usually dreamt through most of the beginning of the story at least a few times. It will all click, I know, I just need to keep feeding the creative side of me.

I love to tell stories – stories of places, people, and their journeys. Any story of mine does not live without its soul coming to life. I am on the brink of that moment, I can feel it!

Posted in creativity, NANOWRIMO, Writing

NANOWRIMO ESSENTIALS

The countdown to NANOWRIMO is on! Though I have been sick most of the weekend, I am excited about writing my brains out come next weekend.

I have tried to write an outline but as usual, haven’t completed one. Outlines frustrate me and limit me, so I while I am plotting (writing down what I’d like to the story to say and where I’d like it to go), I have tossed the outline aside.

Six days out, I have compiled a list of NANOWRIMO essentials.

SNACKS – Check. I have stocked up on munchies that don’t weigh me down.

CHECK OFF DISTRACTIONS – Check. I am early voting this week and will plan out my days off to maximize writing and also get those pesky things done (like getting my license renewed). By the end of the week I will replace those dishes I broke (don’t ask) and have my “miscellaneous/non-essential” shopping finished. Check, check.

PLAN CREATIVE DISTRACTIONS – Check. So far I have one concert and a trip to the movies planned. While I am trying not to add too much during this month, I do have ample days off and can’t write all day long you know.

DAYS OFF – Check! I will have three four-day weekends in November. It’s just how it worked out. I should be finished well before Thanksgiving again this year.

MINIMIZE PERSONAL DISTRACTIONS – Che…Yeah, this never works, but I have to try. Actually, the more I interact with people, the more creative I am. So as long as the drama is kept to a dull minimum, I should be fine.

PAPER BALLOTS IN CASE THE ELECTRONIC VOTING MACHINES DON’T WORK… or, rather, EXTRA PAPER IN CASE THE COMPUTER DOESN’T WORK – Check. Have pens, too. Check.

NANOWRIMO SOUNDTRACK – Check, check, check. It’s loaded with British rock (Oasis, Coldplay), a little bit of The Autum Film and puts me in the zone.

PLOT – (laughs). That’s for me to know and you to find out!

Posted in creativity, kids, Yahweh's fingerprints

JUST SAVE ONE

Last night I went with some friends to view the award-winning documentary Born Into Brothels. If you haven’t seen this heartbreaking and inspiring film, I highly recommend it.

The story is about a group of children who were born in Calcutta’s red light district, a maze of chaos, brothels, and despair. New York photographer Zana Briski lived in the red light district to chronicle the lives of the prostitutes, and during that journey discovered the children who were born into, and destined to be trapped by, that culture.

Briski said she wasn’t a social worker or in India to become a champion for kids, yet she found herself drawn to these children. She gave several of them cameras and began to teach them photography and changed the lives of many of these children forever.

Born Into Brothels is a testament that art and education can transform the lives of children destined to repeat the cycle of life they have been born into.

I could go on about this film to infinity, but I’d run out of room. I could on so many tangents, and I still might, but I’m going to focus on something someone said to me today. She said she saw this film and felt helpless. At first, I did, too. I was overwhelmed by the images I was seeing and was on the verge of tears during the entire film. My heart was breaking for these children. The streets were lined with them, and some of the prostitutes were children themselves.

I was outraged that because of their parents crimes, these children were denied quality education. Their lives were mapped out in front of them and there were no exits. Next to no choices. No hope. Briski was overwhelmed by what she saw, but instead of remaining overwhelmed and doing nothing, she focused in on a handful of children and made a difference in their lives.

As I sat there in the dark watching some of the parents willingly keep their kids in the hell they were born into and block their progress at every turn, I began to say to myself, “just save one. Just save one.” Then I realized that was what Briski was trying to do. If she could just change one life, give one of those kids a future, her journey would have been successful.

Sometimes we look at the darkness and despair of the world and become overwhelmed. Paralyzed. We begin to think there’s nothing we can do…no difference can be made… so we do nothing. I shudder to think of what would have become of these kids if Briski had allowed herself to become overwhelmed and walked away from the problem.

Just save one. Because Briski chose to make a difference on an individual level, many of these children are in good schools and plan on continuing on to university. Sadly two or three profiled in the documentary remain in the red light district, likely trapped in the same cycle they were born into, but it wasn’t from Briski’s lack of effort.

When the movie ended and they revealed a few had chosen the path of education and a way out, I was relieved, especially for Avijit Halder, the boy who was chosen to go to Amsterdam to represent India at a photography workshop. I don’t know why, but I connected with him the most. I guess it’s because he had great potential that his grandmother believed in, and potential that Briski also saw. I could identify with his struggle. He discovers he has a talent, someone (Briski) believes in him, he begins to believe life outside the red light district is possible, and then, tragedy strikes (his mother is burned in her kitchen by her pimp and she dies). In his despair, he gives up. I’ve done that myself.

Fortunately, like Avijit, I had people in my life that loved me enough not to let me stay in my miserable life (and I know, compared to him, I’ve had it easy). Ultimately, he had to choose to embrace his opportunties and his potential, and I’ve had to make that choice myself. Today, I found out that Avijit is 19 and studying in the United States. He is still utilizing his talents and opportunties, all because one person decided that she couldn’t leave these kids behind without at least trying to help them realize their potential and give them hope.

I don’t know what I will do next, or even how to come up with a plan, but as I sit here with tears streaming down my cheeks I know I have to do something, even if I only manage to just save one child somewhere, even in my back yard. Yes, the world’s problems are unfathomable and enormous, but it’s time to focus. I can’t do everything, but I can do something. If I allow myself to become overwhelmed by the weight of the despair I feel when I think of a child’s only choice in life is to be “in the line” as they say in Calcutta, or kids who don’t have enough to eat or clean water to drink, that doesn’t help anybody.

Just save one… and maybe one will become two…and two…three…

Posted in creativity, random

i

Copied from Liz.

i am: trying to catch up with Battlestar Galactica.
i think: I have only begun to discover and tap into my potential.
i know: I am capable of so much more.
i want: to feel energetic, rested and normal all at the same time.
i have: a list of things I want to do/ accomplish/ experience than a person could possibly do in a lifetime – but I’m going to give it my best shot.
i wish: I had more courage.
i hate: the 8-5 life.
i miss: the energy i had in college.
i fear: crossing the finish line alone to silence.
i feel: hope, more than I ever have.
i hear: Doctor Who on the telly.
i smell: chocolate simply because I can’t eat it.
i crave: touch.
i search: for the sacred in the everyday.
i wonder: what tomorrow holds.
i regret: not fighting harder for the dreams I let go of a long time ago.
i love: being worn out after a day laughing and playing with friends.
i ache: to hold God’s promises in my arms.
i care: about the broken.
i always: think too much. at least I think I do.
i am not: finished.
i believe: I can do anything if I set my mind to it and let God drive.
i dance: in the rain, in the living room, in the midst of children.
i sing: as much as I can.
i don’t always: let my emotions show.
i fight: with myself, my spirit and my mind battle.
i write: to know and be known, as a confession and a prayer.
i win: when I don’t give up.
i lose: when I give up.
i never: eat liver and onions, jump out of airplanes, sneeze daintily.
i confuse: lots of people and sometimes myself.
i listen: to music almost every hour I’m not sleeping.
i can usually be found: writing or reading.
i am scared: to let my guard down completely.
i need: hugs.
i am happy about: all the progress I’ve made on the journey.

You?

Posted in about shae, creativity, Yahweh's fingerprints

RISK AND DO MAKE A BETTER YOU

Today, I went to site of writing prompts and chose #69, which was to ponder this quote:

“If you don’t risk anything, you risk more.” – Erica Jong

And this is what I pondered:

Overheard recently: “Making a bad choice is better than not making any choice at all. You can fix a bad choice, you can’t fix a non-choice.”

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about choice and risk, so this prompt stuck in my head… and I just had to write about it. I’ve spent most of my life afraid to do most anything that doesn’t come naturally to me. Even the things that come naturally to me like creative pursuits, I have shied away from. I have been paralyzed by fear – of success or failure – for as long as I can remember.

I have, however, had those moments where I was faced with choices and the stakes were so dire that not making a choice wasn’t a choice. For example, choosing which college I would attend was a dire decision. I was expected to go to a particular school because many members of my family attended there and many of my friends would enroll there. When I expressed interest in not attending that particular school, I was met with all sorts of skepticism, disappointed stares, negativity, and anger. It was the first time in my life, though, that I felt that I needed to take control of the direction in which my life was headed and I made a very quick, very rash decision that sent my life in a radically different direction.

I don’t know what my life would have been like if I had attended the other university, but I can honestly say, that decision, good or bad, has affected my life in many wonderful ways. I made incredible friends at Anderson, friends I am still in contact with today. I have fond memories of my time there, and I learned so much about myself and found that I could survive on my own and survive my choices.

Over the last 16 years since I left Anderson, I have made many choices. Some good, some bad. I have changed jobs, changed states, and changed my mind. I have changed my hairstyle (a good choice) and changed denominations (more than once). I have changed my decorating style from post neo American clutter to could be simpler Gryffindor. So much has changed about me.

Too much has stayed the same.

So I made the decision long ago to try to make changes to unearth my potential…the potential buried beneath my survive-not-thrive lifestyle, my bad choices (or lack of choices), my comfort fat, my playing small and my fear of failure/success. Granted, I’ve a long way to go, but making choices – counseling, getting myself out of debt, taking small steps forward rather than none, and setting goals and making a plan – has helped propel me forward.

I’ve moved forward because I stopped trying to move… and just…moved. Yet, there are still things I’m still trying to do because I haven’t figured out how to do them, but one day, I’ll stop trying those things and just do them because the missing piece will fall into place because I kept moving forward…not trying to move forward.

If you need further assistance on the whole try/do thing, ask Jene’. When I say try, she says do. Try. Do! Try. Do! It annoys me when she says it because I know she’s right, but when I say try it’s because I haven’t figured out the how of Do!… because I like to know how before I Do!… and that’s a whole other blog entry.

Back to risk.

This year especially, I have taken steps to break out of fear and take risks. It may not look like a lot to some, but to me it’s been significant. Believe it or not, I considered my vacation a risk. For years the expectation was that my time off was for other people, and this year, I took my time off for me. I cannot tell you what a rewarding choice/risk that was. Though I risked not being able to pay for the vacation, or not be able to pay something else, but it’s worked out where my vacation, though not elaborate, is paid for, and I was still able to pay bills, put gas in my car, and eat rather well. I risked putting my sensitive skin out in the bright California sun and thanks to Banana Boat SPF 50 Anti-Aging lotion, I came back from my trip just as pale as I was last month. Because I took a chance, planned, and executed that plan, I was finally able to meet my cousin’s baby Morgan, and actually spend time with his wife, meet my friend Meg face to face, see the breathtaking nature God created for us and spend time with Sharon, which is never, ever boring.

So, the rest of this year, my mantra is “Risk and Do makes a better you,” because so far, the results have been fabulous. Even when the results are not so fabulous, there’s a lesson there, too. Good or bad is better than nothing.

“Risk and Do make a better you.”

Posted in creativity

THE MUSEUM OF FINE ARTS

Today, I went to the museum (it’s free on Thursdays) to see paintings and art by James Rosenquist. Here’s a little blurb about him:

An internationally recognized artist since his emergence on the New York art scene in the early 1960s, James Rosenquist (born 1933) was a leading player in the American Pop movement. He began painting as a commercial billboard painter in the Midwest. Rosenquist developed his own brand of the “new realist” style by fragmenting, combining, and juxtaposing images from advertising onto large-scale canvases. Through this technique, Rosenquist has created complex, enigmatic narrative and abstract paintings. You can see some of his paintings at http://www.mfah.org. Click on current exhibition. (We also viewed some cool ornamental gold pieces and tribal headdresses from all over the world).

Rosenquist’s style is sort of psychadelic Picasso and really isn’t my cup of tea, but next month’s exhibition has paintings by Claude Monet, Vincent Van Gogh and Salvador Dali… so I’m all over that one.

I had fun, though. It was cool in the museum and very quiet and I tried to imagine what was going on in Rosenquist’s head… I mean, about half of the paintings I saw featured lipstick… so that led me to interesting thoughts. I’m not sure it was Amy’s cup of tea, either, but hey, we were cultural for an hour and a half for free and that’s worth something.

Next week on the day I’m not working, I’m thinking about going for a walk at the zoo. The zoo costs $2, and without children, I can actually spend time at each exhibit and even read about the animals. If I go early enough, I should be able to avoid heat stroke. 🙂

Posted in about shae, creativity, Writing

TIME FOR A RE-WRITE

Okay. I get it now. It’s sink or swim time. Put your money where your mouth is time. It’s I’ve got to do this or I’ll explode time.

SO…

Please pray for me. I am at a crossroads in my life. I am still looking for a job, still searching for a way to keep myself from becoming a homeless statistic. You know how they say most people are two paychecks away from being homeless? I guess I represent most people. I have scrounged my way for three years now and I’m nowhere near any goal I have ever set for myself — except for the goal of not being homeless. I’m precariously near blowing that goal and failing at something most people take for granted — putting a roof over their heads.

Therefore, in addition to trying to find a job, I am going to try something radically different. I am going to try to do some freelance writing to supplement my income.

“It’s about time!” you shout at your computer monitor.

“Go for it!” you chant while your neighbors think you’re looney.

“What’s taken you so long?” you inquire loudly to no one in particular.

…and yet some of you will declare: “Have you lost your mind?!”

Well, listen. I’ve listened to the “Have you lost your mind?!” crowd for 34 years and y’all are full of (fill in the blank — use your imagination– be colorful). I’ve listened to y’all and look where it’s gotten me. I’m miserable, out of sync, and barely surviving. I’ve tried to fit into the mold that our workaholic culture dictates, and I just can’t do it anymore. If you think I’ve lost my mind, I have, but in the process, I’ve retrieved my soul from the abyss of You Will Never Succeed So Why Even Bother? or another vestibule of creative hell.

Once that notion crystalized in my worn out brain, my ears perked up and my eyes brightened. Yes, indeed, I have lost my mind! If the “Have you lost your mind?!” crowd has anything to say, I reject it, and they can keep it and do whatever makes them happy with it, but for the love of Pete, please don’t try to infect anyone else with the negative psychobabble. Y’all have nearly killed me. Please don’t do it to anybody else. If you’re unhappy with your life, fine. Either do something about it or shut up.

For me, to not create is self destructive. I’ve had it drilled into my head since I was a kid that creativity was not practical, and that dreams come true for other people. Well, for decades now, I’ve tried to be practical and I’ve watched other people’s dreams come true. Practicality, conformity and the death of my dreams has not prospered me whatsoever. So, I’m taking a U-turn now. It may not turn out how I picture it… but I’m pretty sure that’s a good thing. It will most likely turn out better. It may be a long, very long time before I see any results from my labors, but I’m not going to deny myself anymore. It’s my time now and I have no problem with saying that any longer.

Anyone who has a problem with it, proceed with caution if you ask for an autographed copy of anything I’ve written, and don’t expect to see your name under acknowledgments or thank you’s. Amen. And if that seems harsh to y’all, imagine what y’all did to me every time you took my dreams and squashed them in the name of practicality and conformity and all the other garbage y’all fed me. I think, yes, I know I’m being much nicer to you right now than you were to me and my dreams. Trust me on this.

So… I’m finally going to try to realign myself with who I was so long ago… and go a different direction. I may not succeed in dollars, but I will succeed in sense.

Posted in creativity

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLOG…

There is a kind of doctrinaire aspect sometimes to being a Christian that the message is more important than the ways you go about doing it. And you always suspect that there’s not the same level of art as in people who actually are people of faith who also practice fiction. I think Jesus would have wanted us to be good writers as well and pay attention to our craft as well as tell a meaningful story. Ron Hansen, on problem with ‘Christian’ fiction, DSS Interview February 7th, 2003

I have pondered this quote for a few days. It struck a chord in me. One of the reasons I backed off from working in the Christian music industry (now don’t flood me with “you’re a blasphemer” comments… hear me out), was the lack of anything original being produced. In the early 90’s, besides Jars of Clay and DC Talk, most Christian music was a copy of something that had already been produced outside of the Christian subculture. I suppose only diehard musicians/music lovers, poets and painters really pay attention to originality or quality of the music and art that surrounds them. Many people accept a quality of art that is way, way subpar. Christ was not a copy, he was the original. He was fresh, new, controversial, anti-legalistic, and (gasp) cutting edge. I think that should be the model we follow as Christians when we create.

Sometimes, this means leaving the Christian “label” behind. Did Christ label everything in his parables as Christian? Did he talk about the Christian sower who sowed his Christian seed in the secular thorn bushes? No. He spoke of everyday things, even things we would not consider holy. He did not distinguish between sacred or secular because to him, everything was sacred, because he made it. It’s his creation that has corrupted the rest of his creation. Think about it this way: When you have leaky plumbing in your house, do you search for a Christian plumber? No, you want the best plumber – the one that is going to get the leak stopped once and for all. When you want the best steak in town, do you look for a Christian steak house? No, you go to the place that has the best reputation for making the best steak.

I know many kids (and adults) that love music, art and literature, who do not turn down the Christian music aisle to get the best, most creative, freshest, cutting-edge music. They do not turn to the Christian fiction section when they want something exciting and challenging to read and they do not shop in the T-shirt section at the local Christian Book Store to buy the latest fashions (after all, most Christian T-shirts are Christianized copies of T-shirts already produced elsewhere). I know many Christians who see this as a huge problem, as well they should. They, however, see the problem as these kids wandered outside their Christian subculture and have been tainted. I see it as these kids wandered outside their Christian subculture and were freed.

These kids will grow up, eager to make their art, music, literature, and even clothes and plumbing cutting edge. They will make art relevant to those Christians are supposed to be trying to reach, instead of creating art, music and literature to discuss amongst themselves. Unfortunately, many Christians will try to label them as secular, blasphemers, backsliders, and heretics and totally miss the point.

Don’t get me wrong. I do listen to Christian music sometimes. Much of it over the years has encouraged me, uplifted me, brought me closer to God and made me feel better. Very little of it, however, has satisfied the musician in me, the artist in me, or the poet in me. Very little of it has challenged me, either. That is why so many people find it boring and turn elsewhere to be challenged and satisfied. It’s also hard to relate to those outside the Christian subculture if your creative diet is labeled 100% Christian.

Think of it… how many times have you been talking to a non-Christian, trying to tell him what your music sounds like and you always have to compare it to a group or artist outside the Christian subculture anyway so it’s relevant to them? “Well, this group is really cool. They sound like the Backstreet Boys.” Exactly. The group you are speaking of were made as an “alternative” to and in the image of the Backstreet Boys, which isn’t necessarily bad in itself, it’s just not fresh. Fresh lasts longer. Something that is a copy is already going stale and the original will last much longer than the copy. Something — anything — that is labeled Christian should not leave you wanting, longing, unsatisfied. The thing that bugs me is that most things labeled Christian leave me wanting, longing and unsatisfied.

I know many Christians who do excellent work. David is an auto mechanic and he is one of the best around. I do not recommend him, however, because David happens to be a Christian. I recommend him because he is a great mechanic (and because he’s a Christian, I know he will treat them honestly and with respect). My friend Angie is a great photographer. I would recommend her to anybody if they wanted creative, meaningful pictures. Angie is very creative and gifted and I would recommend her over and over again. The fact that Angie is also a Christian is just the icing on the cake and I know someday her art and her creativity will open up doors for her to share her faith with others. My friend Jene’ is a great designer and I would also recommend her in a heartbeat. She is also a Christian. My friend Jamie is an artist and has had her work displayed on the cover of published work. I would also recommend her. She is also a Christian. I would not, however, recommend any of these people because they are Christians. I would recommend them because they do excellent work. One too many times I have recommended a Christian friend to do a job and they did the job very, very poorly (and some under the excuse of, “but at least I’m a Christian”). They expected the Christian label to be enough. It isn’t. Personally, I know that when I meet someone as a writer, more doors open for me to share the gospel than if I meet someone as a Christian writer. Funny how that works.

My challenge today is this: Christians should be the model, the example, the template — not the copy. The art, music, plumbing, photography, whatever it is… should be so good that people want to study it, use it, discuss it, and copy it – regardless of it’s spiritual implications. To do this, I believe, Christians need to think, work, act, play, and fix pipes outside the Christian subculture so that someone who is not a Christian actually sees, hears, reads, and uses what Christians produce. If the art, (etc) is good enough, it will meet a need, whether it’s emotional, physical, mental or spiritual. I believe this is where the door opens for discussion — and this is where Christians have the opportunity to impact the world around them.

I think about this — all of this — as I write and create. I hope that my art will impact those around me and be relevant to those who wouldn’t necessarily shop at a Christian Bookstore. I don’t want to be on the Christian Fiction shelf at any bookstore. I want people besides Christians to read my book(s). I am not writing for those who already know Christ. I am writing more for those that don’t and if what I do or create is meaningful and challenging to a Christian, that’s definitely a bonus, but not my goal.

Ok… that’s my rant for the day. It’s been on my mind for a few days. It stems from a conversation with other Christians who don’t understand why I went back and re-wrote my book to be more raw and edgy and real. I tried to explain that life is, even for the Christian, raw and edgy and real. They were offended. I was more determined than ever to be the original… the template. I may not get there on my first try, but I will eventually. I’m not afraid to try. I had a great Teacher.