THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

Posted on December 6, 2014December 6, 2014 by sassysheisme

I remember what it was like to be so greatly affected by my surroundings, circumstances, and other people’s inability to experience happiness. I have been reminded lately that I am in charge of how I feel, I am in charge of my happiness.

Being responsible for oneself seems like an easy concept, but in a world where we, especially as women, are taught that we are not our own – we belong to a man, or a job, or to a relationship, or a higher power – ownership of our well being or happiness can be a difficult concept to grasp.

I have a wonderful young friend who is learning the concept of being in charge of her own happiness, her own self, her own destiny. It is exciting to watch her bloom and to watch her unfold and open up to all the possibilities that are hers to grasp. She has reminded me of some simple truths that desperately needed the refresher course. She also reminds me, every day, to practice what I preach.

Happiness comes up a lot in our conversations. Happiness is defined as the state of well-being and contentment, or a pleasurable or satisfying experience. Happiness is something that we all crave and marketers everywhere want us to believe that we can buy happiness, or create it by spending money we don’t have (which can pop the happiness balloon). So much effort is put into the pursuit of happiness that people get worn out and cranky and once they get “there” they don’t find the “feeling” they were seeking.

Happiness. Where do I get my happiness? I’ve found that happiness is a deeply personal state of being. What makes me “happy” may not make someone else happy. That’s why it’s deeply important to pursue my own happiness.

Eventually, after several misguided attempts and pursuits, I figured out the only person/thing/idea/situation that can make me happy lies within me. I am in charge of me, which puts me in charge of my happiness and how I feel at any given moment. In other words, HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE and no one else, no particular thing, place, or situation can make me happy.

Sometimes I need a reminder that happiness is a choice. The following is a list of activities/things/actions I choose in my pursuit of happiness that I will pull out when I need it. Put your list in the comments.

HAPPINESS CHOICES (in no particular order)

1. When people around me are grumpy or sad, I try to cheer them up, redirect their pity party, whatever it takes to bring a smile. Most of the time it works. Either they start smiling or they take their pity party elsewhere. Most of our sadness or grumpiness is legitimate. Dwelling in it and sucking others into it is not.

2. I sing. That is one of my favorite ways to be happy. I sing silly songs, or make up songs, or just sing my heart out. Singing always (I do mean always) makes me feel better. Usually when I sing my silly songs people laugh or smile, so hopefully they feel better.

3. Obviously, making others feel better fills me with that happy feeling. Singing, encouraging words, being silly, whatever it takes. When I do these things, I feel better. I always hope the feeling is contagious.

4. Writing is always a happy choice for me. I always feel better afterward, regardless of the subject. It’s an unloading of my mind even if no one else reads it.

5. Photography is another way I choose happiness. A friend told me recently that even when I shoot ordinary things, I make them look special or unique and she sees them in a different way. That’s one of the highest compliments I’ve ever gotten in regards to my photography.

6. Making videos. This is a relatively new medium for me but be prepared to see snippets of me being silly, serious, and pouring out my random brain while you can see my face.

7. I am comfortable in my own skin. That’s what makes 1-6 possible. There’s a freedom in being me 24-7-52. I like who I’ve become, and why there’s always room for improvement, I deeply appreciate who I’ve become so far.

I could go on all day with examples of what I choose to create my happiness.

I can hear the naysayers and Negative Nellies saying, “yes, but what about when (insert every day life event) happens?” It’s simple. I stop, I take a deep breath, and I do one of the above things or I say, “I choose to be happy,” or at the very least, “I choose not to dwell in this mess,” or “This is temporary.”

Bad moods, pity parties, and lashing out are just as much of a choice as happiness. I am guilty of falling into bad moods, but I no longer dwell. I can pull myself out of the pit or I go to someone I know will help me lift myself out of the pity party. Again, happiness, or what we consider that state of being we call happiness, is a choice.

As we enter the season of the craziest emotions, remember happiness is something that is chosen, only by you, and no amount of presents or money spent this holiday or whatever else you try to force happiness from, will make you truly happy.

Choose happiness!

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10 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT CANCER SURVIVORS, ME IN PARTICULAR

Posted on September 14, 2014September 14, 2014 by sassysheisme

I’ve been doing some Sunday reading today and came across this article by Dr. Lissa Rankin (@lissarankin) called 10 Things I Learned From People Who Survive Cancer As I read through it, I saw a lot of myself, a 3-year breast cancer survivor, in the list.

1. Be unapologetically YOU.

People who survive cancer tend to get feisty. They walk around bald in shopping malls and roll their eyes if people look at them funny. They say what they think. They laugh often. They don’t make excuses. They wear purple muumuus when they want to.

I was on track for this part of my personality before breast cancer, but after I joined the rank of survivors, this became my unwritten mantra. I am who I am. If you don’t like it, there’s not much I can do about it, and I won’t come crying after you to get your approval. I don’t need it.

I may be “weird,” or “eccentric” or “unique” but I’m ME through and through. I would not have it any other way.

2. Don’t take crap from people.

People who survive cancer stop trying to please everybody. They give up caring what everybody else thinks. If you might die in a year anyway (and every single one of us could), who gives a flip if your Great Aunt Gertrude is going to cut you out of her will unless you sell out your authenticity to stay in her good graces?

If you know me, then well, you know this is true. What I’ve found is, the less crap I take from people, the less crap that lands at my doorstep. It’s no fun for crap-slingers if you can easily deflect their crap.

I used to be the posterchild for People Pleasers. I am no longer that person. The freedom of being me and the freedom of not having to run myself ragged making other people happy has made me the best ME I can be.

I live my life authentically regardless of what everyone else thinks about it.

3. Learn to say no.

People with cancer say no when they don’t feel like going to the gala. They avoid gatherings when they’d prefer to be alone. They don’t let themselves get pressured into doing things they really don’t want to do.

I brought back a “NO!” button from New Jersey that, when pressed, screams a series of obnoxious, “NO!”‘s. It isn’t that saying “NO!” is obnoxious but people often hear the word “no” as an obscenity because they aren’t getting what they want. Believe me, people who want you to say yes all the time don’t like hearing the definitive no.

I’ve had to say, “NO” quite a bit since my cancer treatments. Life is not the same for me. Many of my likes and preferences of how to spend my time have changed. I have new limits on my time and energy. I will not apologize for being “selfish” with how I live my life. I will protect my health and my time fiercely.

4. Get angry, then get over it.

People who survive cancer get in your face. They question you. They feel their anger. They refuse to be doormats. They demand respect. They feel it. Then they forgive. They let go. They surrender. They don’t stay upset. They release resentment. But they don’t stuff their feelings.

Yes, yes, and yes. Grudges and resentment dissipate quickly with me now. Well, more quickly than it once did. Forgiveness is freedom.

Do I get angry? YES, but I no longer stay upset. I don’t let idiots ruin my day, and sometimes my days are full of idiots. Happiness is a choice and I choose it, liberally.

I demand respect from others because I earn it, and because I am worthy of respect. I carry myself as being worthy of anyone’s respect. If someone disrespects me, yes, I get pissed off, but I have to let it go. If someone does not respect me, it speaks volumes more about their character, and I do not live my life trying to fill the “They Like Me! They Really, Really Like Me!” column.

5. Don’t obsess about beauty.

People who survive cancer no longer worry about whether they have perfect hair, whether their makeup looks spotless, or whether their boobs are perky enough. They’re happy just to have boobs (if they still do). They’re happy to be alive in their skin, even if it’s wrinkled.

I am extremely comfortable in my own skin. I’m only halfway through my weight loss goal, but I’m losing weight for my health, not because I want to be skinny or look a certain way. I’m 45 for goodness sake. I’m beyond the “dress to impress” stage of my life.

I’m toying with the idea of stopping coloring my hair. That may take a couple of years still, but it’s on my mind every time I go under the tin foil. It’s not a beauty thing, it’s not an age thing. My hair color is one of the last “constants” I have left, even if it is from a bottle. Stay tuned.

6. Do it now.

Stop deferring happiness. People who survive cancer realize that you can’t wait until you kick the bucket to do what you’re dying to do. Quit that soul-sucking job now. Leave that deadbeat husband. Prioritize joy. Live like you mean it—NOW.

I went to Maui this year on my vacation – it was on my bucket list. I remember a conversation I had with my brother, who, at 35, lay in a hospital bed while leukemia slowly stole him from me. He told me, in essence, to live from the bucket list rather than wait to fulfill it at some random point in the future. The future, he’d said, may get cut short. I promised him I would, but it took my own cancer diagnosis to bring my life into laser focus and I polished off the bucket and I’m ticking things off the list.

7. Say “I love you” often.

People who survive cancer leave no words left unspoken. You never know when your time is up. Don’t risk having someone you love not know it.

Whether it be, “I love you,” or “I appreciate you,” or “good job,” or “thank you,” or “that really pissed me off,” just say the darn words. You may not get another chance. People might be inclined to say I leave very little unsaid these days. I do not want to leave this world without people knowing exactly how I feel.

I’ve also learned the art of exactly what words to leave unspoken. At times, it is wiser to pull the barbs back into your head and let the wisdom of your silence speak instead.

8. Take care of your body.

People who survive cancer have a whole new appreciation for health. Those who haven’t been there may take it for granted. So stop smoking. Eat healthy. Drink in moderation. Maintain a healthy weight. Avoid toxic poisons. Get enough sleep. Above all else, prioritize self care.

Self care is not selfish. I know, more than anyone else around me, what I need to do to take care of myself. I don’t overdo much of anything with food or alcohol and I am trying to reduce my weight to reduce my recurrence of breast cancer risks.

I do, however, tend to push my boundaries with the pace I try to manage. Sometimes I still feel invincible, but my body quickly reminds me I am not. I am more quick to retreat into self care than I ever have been even if some people do not understand why because their bodies are still strong and have been unaffected my major, life-changing health events.

9. Prioritize freedom and live like you mean it.

People who survive cancer know that being a workaholic isn’t the answer. Money can’t buy health. Security doesn’t matter if you’re six feet under. Sixteen hours a day of being a stress monster is only going to make you sick. As Tim Ferriss writes in The 4-Hour Workweek, “Gold is getting old. The New Rich are those who abandon the deferred-life plan and create luxury lifestyles in the present using the currency of the New Rich: time and mobility.”

This one can still be a difficult one for me. I do work a lot, but I enjoy my work. I also leave work at work and I know how to disconnect from it. I guard my weekends like a ruthless warlord.

10. Take risks.

People who survive cancer have faced their fears and gotten to the other side. They know life is for living because they almost lost it. True aliveness and real joy lie in taking risks. So go sky diving if you want. Bungee jump. Hang glide. Spend your savings. Live like you might die tomorrow.

The word I used to live by was, “hope.” I have transitioned to the word, “FEARLESS.” Yes, I still have fears, but I face them, head on, and I try new things all the time. New foods. New styles of clothes. New music. New activities. New languages.

What’s the worst that could happen? I fail? I have found that failure isn’t that big of a deal – it’s part of the process. I fall down? I get dirty? I get bruised? Cut? Embarrassed? SO WHAT. I still wake up the next day and from that failure I know I’ve learned something or know it is a stepping stone to something better.

What if the worst doesn’t happen? What if I succeed? What if I learn something new? What if I get to do something I’d never dreamed I’d get to do? What if eating jellyfish wasn’t all that gross and was actually good?

Fearless is a much better way for me to live.

I challenge you to live as if you have been given the best gift you could have ever received – a second chance. You might not get a third.

pop culture

TEN SIGNS YOU’VE GONE WHOVIAN

Posted on August 23, 2014August 23, 2014 by sassysheisme

Tonight marks the beginning of the 8th series of Doctor Who. Since 2005, I have watched this show, a dedicated fan who has an imaginary friend who lives in a blue box.

To start this season off right, I decided to share the Top 10 Signs You’ve Gone Whovian with all the newbies out there. Welcome.

10. You own at least 5 things with the Doctor Who logo on them.

9. You have moments when you are facing your fears when you think, “Don’t blink. Blink and you’re dead.”

8. You watch Doctor Who wearing your Doctor Who pajama pants.

7. You have taken an Adipose doll through airport security. (yes, I took my “fat” on vacation)

6. Your BFF meets you on vacation with her stuffed Tardis.

5. You have the “Van Gogh Exploding Tardis” mug.

4. “The angels have the phonebox,” and “Time Lord Academy,” are on some of your favorite t-shirts.

3. Your love of Chucks was totally rekindled by David Tennant’s Doctor (though those were not likely Chucks).

2. Your favorite color isn’t “blue.” It’s “Tardis blue.”

1. You explain time to people like this: “People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint – it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly… time-y wimey… stuff.”

Whovian and Proud!

breast cancer, tamoxifen

DEAR TAMOXIFEN, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

Posted on August 21, 2014 by sassysheisme

For three years, I’ve been taking Tamoxifen, a medication that will help keep my breast cancer from returning. The first two years, I dealt with some very unpleasant side effects, including nausea, fatigue, headaches, eye pain, and mood swings that made me certain I was going insane.

My doctor would confidently tell me that she judged the benefits of taking this medication far outweighed the side effects. There were days I begged to differ.

This year, since my RNY gastric bypass, the nausea has been much less. I am grateful for that. I have 7 years to go before I will be allowed to stop taking this medicine, but I’m grateful for it.

3 down. 7 to go. Happy Anniversary, Tamoxifen!

breast cancer, femininity, travel, travels, weight loss

FIGHT LIKE A GIRL, KICK ASS LIKE A WOMAN

Posted on August 17, 2014 by sassysheisme

I have passed the middle of one of the busiest years of my life. I am tired, for sure, but I’m so grateful to be on this journey.

My travels started in March with a trip to Maui, and with work, I started in May with a trip to Philadelphia, followed by a trip in mid-July to Los Angeles, and I just got back from New Jersey and will leave again for Los Angeles again this Sunday.

Fortunately, I am fond of traveling, even for work. I just bought a new suitcase for the half dozen or so trips I have left this year, and the half dozen or so I will have next year.

Daisy already has road wear, but whatever. She is easy to maneuver and she is easy to spot and forces me to pack lighter. I love my work shirts – they help me pack lighter too. They don’t wrinkle either.

I am on the quickest pace I’ve had since I had breast cancer. I’m not kidding – sometimes I wonder where the energy is coming from (right up until the point it absolutely disappears). I am balancing two huge projects at work – which I’ve likened to juggling two burning bowling balls and trying not to get burned – and I’m surviving.

I say “surviving,” and I am. Not always as gracefully as I’d like, because, well, this is me, and I have hit bumps in the road and found myself crying in frustration when I physically and mentally collapse in exhaustion, but I’m still going. Still getting better. Still figuring out what life is supposed to be like after the breast cancer/hysterectomy/RNY gastric bypass clean slate.

I haven’t lost a pound in about 6 months. That’s been about as frustrating as anything. I’m still on the medicine that makes me gain weight, but I didn’t think I’d come to this plateau so soon. I’ve fluctuated the same 5 pounds since March. Up/down. Up/down. I’ve not gained any weight back per se. My measurements are still the same or even less. I feel no pressure to move the scale, but I’m still frustrated. I refuse to go back to being morbidly obese. I refuse to return to what was. Getting the scale to move again is not my focus right now, but if it did, I’d be thrilled.

I have zero chances at establishing any sort of routine between now and next June. This is where I am challenged to find routine in the spontaneous demands of my job until these projects are finished. I’m trying to see this as an opportunity rather than a hinderance. I know I am capable. I can do this.

Finding balance has never been my strong suit, but I’m getting better at it. I hope to have more tales to tell as the time goes on, more tales where I’m not just fighting like a girl, but kicking ass like a woman. What got me through the challenge of breast cancer must mature into something that can sustain me as I keep moving forward.

I fought like a girl and won. Life has gone on. Time to kick ass.

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GOODBYE, MAYA

Posted on May 28, 2014 by sassysheisme

This morning, while driving to work, I heard that Dr. Maya Angelou had passed away. I was deeply saddened. When I needed a voice of confidence, I discovered her, through the following poem. Rest in peace, Maya. Well done.

Phenomenal Woman

BY MAYA ANGELOU

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,

They say they still can’t see.

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

the palm of my hand,

The need for my care.

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

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FIRST CLASS VS. COACH AND OTHER TRAVEL THINGS

Posted on May 26, 2014 by sassysheisme

Last week I was in Philadelphia for a training course, at the end of which, I had to take (and pass) an exam. I won’t know for three weeks whether or not I achieved a passing grade, but I am grateful for the training. It’s always a good opportunity to take training.

On the way to IAH in Houston, I was informed via my handy TripIt app that my flight to Atlanta was late. Late enough, it was certain that I would miss the connecting flight to Philadelphia.

I was flying Delta Airlines, which I had never flown before. Typically, my company flies United unless, as it happened in this instance, it would be a significant savings to fly another airline. The $500 savings on this round-trip ticket could not be ignored, and Philadelphia isn’t somewhere we fly often.

I like United, in fact, I’ve flown most of my life with them (Continental). All I’d ever heard about Delta was the phrase, (Doesn’t Even Leave The Airport). Still, when I got the alert my flight was delayed, I didn’t stress or get upset. After all, I was flying on a day off to get somewhere for work. I had already crossed over the attitude adjustment for flying on unpaid time. I was very relaxed and decided to see what happened with Delta and how they would handle this situation.

The first thing I noticed about Delta was the lack of lines. Houston is United’s hub, and especially on the weekends, the lines are always long. Delta’s were short and moving. When I got to the counter, a young lady named Alex looked at my reservation and told me that I was going to miss my connecting flight, but not to worry, she’d get me to Philadelphia one way or another.

All flights were full or nearly full. Alex’s fingers flew across the keyboard, and the smile and look of determination never left her face. Direct flights, other airlines, she looked at everything, all the time assuring me I would get to Philadelphia. She found the LAST seat to Philadelphia from Atlanta that would leave two hours after I’d arrive, in plenty of time. She tried not to smile too wide when she informed me she’d have to upgrade me, no charge, to FIRST CLASS.

I blinked at her. First Class? I’d never been fortunate or financially able enough to go to first class anything. I tried not to squeal with delight but Alex told me I was among friends and it was okay to be excited. I nearly walked on air to security and on through terminal A (which I’d never flown from before) and found my gate to my flight to Atlanta.

Delta has something I’ve not seen too much of in the United terminals – many places to charge electronics. I also didn’t have to walk through Terminal C to get to Terminal E which takes a long, long time.

I sat in the waiting area, listening to an older couple banter. Rather, the woman talked non-stop about everything, the man, however, nodded occasionally. I named her Queen Madge of the Obvious. His name, obviously, was Henry. Apparently God put her on this earth to tell Henry everything.

“Look, Henry,” she’d say matter-of-fact, “there’s the lady walking to the counter.”

I checked. Henry was able to see. He was reading the newspaper. The Wall Street Journal.

“Henry, she’s about to make an announcement.”

Henry nodded. I could tell he was basically ignoring her but paying just enough attention to nod when he had to and respond if needed.

This banter continued until we were called to queue groups. Madge made sure Henry knew they were in group 3. I was in group 2. I was hoping that meant we would be seated apart from each other.

Alas, no, Queen Madge and Poor Henry were seated behind me and I received a play by play of everything during takeoff and landing when I pulled out my headphones because I knew I needed to listen to the pilot.

Madge needed to inform Henry of the men who were waving flashlights and helping us park, unloading luggage, and marveling at how the luggage for their flight was going to be there in just forty short minutes when their next plane took off.

When I exited the plane, I felt a moment of awe as I had to figure out what to do and where to go without Queen Madge!

I made it to my next flight and when they called first class passengers, I walked non-chalantly to the front of the line. The flight attendant was apologizing that there would not be drink service before we took off because they were running late. Since I had no idea there was drink service before takeoff I was not disappointed.

I sat next to a tall, black youngster in his 20’s whose pants barely came up to the top of his underwear. He was a sweetie, though. He offered me some of his Butterfinger bites and told me his name was Uptown. Later, as he sung with his headphones on, I could tell he was an aspiring singer. A good one.

As passengers filed in, Uptown’s eyes grew large as soup plates. He tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if the short, stocky man who was passing me was Warrick Dunn (former NFL running back for Atlanta Falcons & Tampa Bay Bucs). I’ll be honest, without the helmet on, I wasn’t sure, but Uptown seized the day and asked the man if he was indeed Warrick Dunn. He was. He shook our hands and sat down behind us. Uptown, who up to this point had been taking 40-50 selfies since he also got the free pass to First Class, nearly went crazy. I took a picture of him going crazy over Warrick Dunn with his phone to record the moment.

After I took my own selfie of myself in First Class, I noticed the cup holders that already held small bottles of water.

First Class has bigger seats, and cup holders. First Class has it’s own bathroom, and it’s own flight attendant. Delta’s First Class flight attendants wear short, retro red dresses. Our flight attendant was nice and after apologizing (again) for no drink service (of the adult beverage nature) before take off, we were on our way.

In First Class, adult beverages are free, so I had to indulge. I had a glass of white wine, while Uptown had a coke. Then, the flight attendant brought snacks even after I’d eaten some Butterfinger Bites. There is a world of difference between First Class snacks and Coach snacks. Yes, in First Class if you want pretzels or peanuts, you can have them. Both, if you want. The similarities with Coach end there. In First Class you can also have cookies, chips, fruit, goldfish and a basket full of other things – and as much as you want as many times as you want.

First Class rocks.

After nearly undivided attention from the flight attendant for a couple hours, I was not ready for the plane to land. The last part of my First Class experience was getting to deplane FIRST. Before Warrick Dunn.

Someday, I hope to get the First Class experience again! Thank you, Delta, and thank you, Alex.

My experience with Delta was a positive one. My next work trip will be soon. I’m looking at you, United.

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MAUI AND THE ART OF VACATION

Posted on April 13, 2014 by sassysheisme

I’ve been back from Maui a couple of weeks now. The jet lag I had was the worst I’ve experienced. As I’m about to embark on a year of moderate travel, I hope the worst has passed.

Hawaii was worth every penny. I arrived close to midnight my time, in the middle of torrential rain and heavy tradewinds. Every local I came across that night told me that the amount of rain was unusual, not only for this time of year, but it was the most they’d seen at the same time years.

I managed to get to the condo, which is north of Whaler’s Village, the resort area. I stayed up as long as I could, but at 4 AM I was wide awake and so was the BFF. My first view of Maui:

Then, the magic started happening. The sun came up. The rain stopped. Maui revealed itself to us in a new way every day.

The first thing I noticed about Maui, besides the scenery, was that, if you are a fast-paced, go-go-go person like me, everything on the island whispers, “slow down,” and then the island makes you slow down. Not only are most speed limits between a maddening 35-45 mph, people walk slower, talk slower, serve slower, and respond slower than they do on the mainland. This is how the Hawaiian culture is. Either you accept that and let yourself relax, or you are in for a maddening, frustrating experience.

I let myself relax, almost too much. We did get out and see something new every day. Most evenings, however, we were parked on the lanai (that’s balcony for you landlubbers) ready to take in the breathtaking sunsets. Each sunset was different and spectacular in its own way.

Of course, there were a few rainbows to gawk at as well:

One of our favorite hangout spots was called Aloha Mixed Plate, a family-owned restaurant (they also own the oldest luau on the island). The prices are reasonable all day, the staff is warm and friendly, and the view is beautiful. We ate there at least once a day, usually for breakfast before we headed out to explore all day.

We also drove the Road to Hana, a highlight of my trip for certain. With views of waterfalls, rainbow eucalyptus trees, bamboo, and other random visual delights, it’s worth the 52-mile road with 610 hairpin turns and 59 bridges, most of them one lane. When we arrived at the end, we found a little Thai restaurant called Nutcharree’s and I daresay it was the best pad Thai I ever had!

Best of all, I got to spend over a week with my BFF from college, also named Sharon, hence the “Ditto” photo. We always have such a great time together. I cannot wait to see where we will go next time!

vacation

LEAVING THE LANAI

Posted on March 24, 2014 by sassysheisme

Today is the last day of my Hawaii vacation. Sadly I must board a plane tomorrow and return home. In some ways, I look forward to it. I have a great job and great friends and coworkers. I’m also looking forward to sleeping in my own bed.

I have much to share, which will likely happen on the weekend, when I hope jet lag is finished kicking my butt. I have had quite the adventure and I’m so grateful for the opportunity to visit Hawaii!

Uncategorized

FEELING WHAT I FEEL

Posted on March 9, 2014 by sassysheisme

I have been sorting myself out for 45 years. I have found that I have two sides to me that are in constant conflict with each other. Given that my two favorite colors are blue and orange, it shouldn’t be a surprise I view those two sides as fire and water.

I am by no means volatile, but I have my moments as a seething cauldron of anger. I hold that anger in so I don’t allow the lava to burst forth, and usually this anger seeps out in hot, angry tears. I let out the rest later, in private.

I hate those episodes, especially if the person who threw gas in the cauldron is male. Most men view those tears as a manipulative tool, when in fact, the tears represent all the words I wish I could say but know if I do, more trouble would arise. In fact, I see my tears as sparing the person across from me from a barrage of words, likely a barrage of hurtful, anger-fueled words. Having been on the receiving end of such barrages, I hold it in, and the tears come out instead. You’re welcome.

This week, during one of those moments, I was able to reel it all in, sit down and figure out what the real issue was. The two words I took out of the flames were humiliation and respect. I do realize this is about me and my reactions and how another person can make me feel. I take full responsibility for my reaction and my feelings.

My friend David Hayward (www.nakedpastor.com) brought the Feeling Wheel below to my attention. I have been “unpacking” feelings for years, knowing that behind anger, there is always a secondary emotion (go therapy!). I found this chart helpful. I hope you will, too.

One thing I have taken from this week is I’m not ashamed of my feelings. They are real (though not always right). It’s what I do with them that counts. I am still working that out, but the valve I have in place, though it needs improvement, is working okay for now.

A friend asked me if triggers ever go away. Sad to say, I don’t believe so, but the trigger is no longer attached to a missile launcher, just a BB gun. I’m hoping one day maybe that trigger will be on a rubberband flipper (like I used to make with my brothers). I have no notions or hopes that most of my triggers will ever disappear, but it is up to me whether that fact is problematic or not.

As always, I am at peace with myself, and that’s what matters to me.