DEEP BREATH

I feel like the first have of the year dissolved in this early heat wave we are having (trust me, if it’s been in the high 90’s already, we are in so much trouble when August rolls around).  I have been busy, doing a couple of photoshoots here and there, going to doctor(s) appointments and trying to get back into my normal routine, whatever that was.

I am happy to announce, though, that my first mammogram after having cancer came back NORMAL.  I have never been so relieved to hear such news in my life.  I literally have been to a couple dozen doctor’s appts in the last six months so being released to move forward was such a blessing.

My OB/GYN, who has been helping me through the maze of ultrasounds and pain management of some cysts that have developed thanks to Tamoxifen. I am happy to say that, though the cysts are no fun, I no longer feel as tired as I have been.  I still battle nausea and with the heat, that is not fun, but like I said, I’m almost back to “normal.”

I really like my doctors. All are good in their specialty but I have been blessed with two doctors in particular who are just as gifted in people skills. My OB/GYN, Dr. E, and I were talking one day about all these side effects and pains, and wondering what was next.  She heard me out, then looked at me and said, “stop looking over your shoulder and live your life.”

Her words washed over me. While I haven’t been all gloom and doom, I’ve spent the last year managing my life waiting for breast cancer to come back and interrupt my life again.  I’ve been managing my life waiting for the next health crisis. Just waiting. Looking over my shoulder. Waiting.

Dr E is right. I need to look forward and live my life. It’s up to me to decide the quality of my life, too.

I’ve been walking a lot more, but my stamina is shot. Still, I try to keep going and moving. I have to get back into the groove of exercise. I still have a lot of weight to manage.  I am healthier than I’ve been in a while, but I have a long way to go.

I, the grand champion of insomnia and low quality sleep, am seeing a sleep specialist. I hope to have better sleep be a reality by the end of June. Who knows what I will be like if I start getting the sleep I’m supposed to.

I am doing more photography. I can’t tell you what Instagram and a brand new EVO phone have done for my photography.  I look for opportunities everywhere, even when the big girl camera is at home.  I have done some photography at work, which has brought something new to my desk.  I am working on a website where my photos can be purchased.  I am moving forward with my camera in hand.

I also have a target for my restlessness and after 18 years in Houston, I may get the opportunity to go elsewhere. Stay tuned for official news later this year.  Another way for me to go forward and live my life.

I’m taking a deep breath, and deciding what’s important to pursue, and what’s not. I’m allowing myself the opportunity to think outside the box, and taking new opportunities as they come. After all, playing it safe doesn’t make sense after cancer knocks on your door.  Last year was a reminder that it can all end and I would have no control over it. I have so much left to do and see and explore, and I plan on taking those opportunities wherever they may lead. 

Time to stop looking over my shoulder at what might have been, should have been, or could have been, or wondering what might be sneaking up on me. It’s time to look forward and live my life.