Posted in Activism, badassery, GLBT, LGBT, politics, safe, Uncategorized



Whether you agree with the safety pin movement, I ask you to think about all the marginalized people groups you know of, and friends you know who are labeled into those groups.  While a safety pin is a small gesture, a gesture some mock or ridicule or label too small, it’s a step in the right direction.  The hearts are in the right place. We shall soon see if their hands, feet, mouths and ears are in the right place as well.

I’ve always thought of myself as a safe space for people. In hindsight, I know that was not always true.  I was often judgemental and closed minded.  While I know that I’ve come quite a long way (a canyon’s divide) from where I once was, I’m only beginning to understand how to be a safe space, and I hope to become a proactive safe space.

One step at a time. First I must ensure I am a safe space for those who need it. I must seek to understand a pain or fear I perhaps have not experienced myself.

Second, I must listen more. I do a lot of talking. I seek to heal, empower, and encourage people with words. Sometimes, safety is found in my silence.  Sometimes, it’s found in the words I’m afraid to say aloud. No more fear.

I’m still trying to find words for all I’m feeling right now.  Still digging through. The main point of this post is to say I’m a safe space for those in fear, those who feel unheard, threatened, or pushed to the margins. As a single, middle-aged woman, I am in some of those margins myself.

For now, I hope this is a good first step. If you need a safe space, I’m here for you.

Posted in GLBT, LGBT, politics, Uncategorized


Spent a lot of time listening, counseling, and reassuring people today. I hope I made a difference for some of you.

This election was so polarizing, but what I have seen is that most people on either side wanted the same thing – change. I also feel like either candidate would have led to some buyer’s remorse at some point for people on both sides. Most politicians don’t keep their promises. The Founding Fathers set up our government so that one person can’t control everything.Some of you might not understand how this election affected many women, people of color, gays, Muslims, immigrants and children/family of immigrants, those who have been sexually assaulted, those who have gone to bed hungry, those who had medical issues and can’t keep up with the bills, single moms, and so many more hurting, marginalized people in your community.

Some of you might not understand how this election affected many women, people of color, gays, Muslims, immigrants and children/family of immigrants, those who have been sexually assaulted, those who have gone to bed hungry, those who had medical issues and can’t keep up with the bills, single moms, and so many more hurting, marginalized people in your community.

For many, this election was about inclusivity, equal rights, the right to be heard, and the right to have their humanity acknowledged. This morning, so many of these marginalized people woke up in fear. Pure, anxiety-filled fear.
My hope is that our take away as fellow humans on this planet is that we are all in this together and that we seek to understand and soothe these fears. No one in America should have to fear being who they truly, genuinely are.

I’m not going to give up on anyone who needs something from this world. You are loved. Just as you are. I mean that with all of my heart.

Posted in community, Equality, GLBT, LGBT, Uncategorized


Last weekend, I found myself in a gay bar down in Montrose. I was with a good friend of mine, someone who has let me into his world piece by piece. The more he shares with me, the more I understand him and what he goes through every day as a gay man.

He took me to one of his favorite bars.  We ordered some drinks and went outside to sit by the gas heaters (it was a nice, cool night). We were soon joined by a couple who engaged us in conversation.

They were dressed up for dinner and had stopped for a drink first. They were meeting some of their friends later. One of the friends joined them before the others. Immediately, I searched for the face of the third man in my memories. Joe (not his real name) introduced himself and after I told him he looked familiar, he said he just had one of those faces.

Joe had been a Southern Baptist preacher. His friend, Evan (not his real name), had been a Southern Baptist youth pastor. All once upon a time, because you can’t be gay and serve God, right?

Joe, Evan and my friend talked God and church for a while – the suffering they’d endured at the hands of the church, and yet they continued to believe in God and spread the Gospel that all, including the LGBT community were precious to Him.  They work to reconcile the church with the gay community.

Soon, their two other friends showed up. My friend went in to refill my drink and we began to talk about gay affirming churches. I expressed my frustration that the only place some in the LGBT community could feel welcome was in a bar and not in a church. One of the men sat down next to me and hugged me and said I was in the right place to make the difference I was supposed to make.

I was meeting people on their terms, in their territory and being myself. No pretense. Just love. Acceptance.

My friend returned, and we talked some more and then they left for their dinner, but not until there were hugs and blessings. I laughed at the irony.  Fellowship at a gay bar.

Actually, I’d rather be in a bar loving people as they are than in a congregation that excludes based on human judgment.

I realize this is controversial and heresy for some. That’s ok. I’ve already made my feelings known in a prior post- Human Affirming Human.

Please take a step back as a church and realize that the “lost” you seek to save rarely cross your threshold because you continually tell them they are not worthy to be there. I am not an evangelist, I’m just a human loving other humans where they are, and those humans are loving me where I am – with no judgment.

Don’t just imagine a world where we love without reservation – love in the world without reservation.

PS – I Googled Joe and sure enough – I found him. He is now preaching and reaching out to the gay community.


Posted in GLBT, Human Rights, LGBT, RFRA


If you don’t know what’s been happening in my home state of Indiana for the last few days, you live under a rock. I admit that I hadn’t paid much attention to the Religious Freedom laws being passed around the country until my Facebook news feed exploded when Governor Mike Pence signed Indiana’s version of RFRA into law.

My first reaction to the law was (and yes, I did read it), someone is going to jump through that rather large loophole and use the law to discriminate.  It didn’t take long. A pizza shop had to close under the weight of their freedom after declaring they would not cater a gay wedding because of their beliefs. RFRA may protect a business like that from the law, but not from the opinions and actions of millions of people. 

Apple, Wal-Mart, GenCon, Angie’s List, the NCAA and many others voiced their disappointment in the law, and even began steps to withdraw their significant contributions to Indiana’s economy.  Even NASCAR chimed in – and their fanbase is considered highly conservative.

Twitter and Facebook exploded.

The backlash surprised Governor Pence and the uber-conservatives but it shouldn’t have. Social media outlets were overloaded with support for the group of people the law seemed to target – the #GLBT community.  Fifty years ago, the target group of the loophole would have been African Americans or any other group that could be beaten down with Bible verses.

I will not debate the Bible and its verses on gay marriage. I’ve read the arguments from both sides and there will not be a consensus in my lifetime to be sure.  The right to marry is a human right, however, and I consider gay marriage to be a civil rights issue. I don’t remember the period in history when it was illegal for people of different races to marry, but I’ve heard the stories, read the history, and I know that one day, future generations will look back and wonder why we as a society didn’t learn the lesson the first time.

I do not believe being gay (or who any of us are at our core) is a choice.  I feel the wind from being unfriended and unfollowed already. That’s fine. I can’t stay silent anymore about it. People I know and LOVE are being discriminated against because it’s easier to discriminate than tolerate.  Tolerate does not mean condone, it just means that we agree we’re all human beings and we need to learn how to get along together because those on each side of the arguments aren’t going away.  Tolerating means a person has to expend energy to get along. To discriminate all a person has to do is turn their back and walk away or close the door.

Recently, a college friend of mine got married. To another man. They have loved each other for years. They have a child who now has married parents. All I saw from their posted photos was love, not just for each other, but love from a community of Christians who have decided to love them walk with them instead of using their energies to tear them down and exclude them.

Last year, someone I know lost their job at a church because she came out and declared to the world she’s a lesbian and she’s tired of hiding it. She lost her job because of who she is. She is in a relationship with someone I have known for years and love and respect for her decision to live authentically. 

I have spent quite a bit of time with some transgender individuals as well.  One in particular is one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met. I met him as a he, and he is now transitioning to a she. She is a strong, determined person, and she just wants to be loved as the person she is. Person. Human being. Individual. Completely unique and honest with herself.

Another college friend of mine came out years ago and she was shunned by her best friend who abandoned her so fast I imagine my friend had whiplash and probably still does.  I was not surprised by my friend’s revelation that she was gay. Not one bit. I told her I didn’t understand (and I didn’t then) but I still loved her and wanted to continue to have her in my life.  We’ve grown apart because of the reaction she’s had from the religious community at large and she associates me with it. I miss her.

I would rather someone be genuine with me than live behind a facade of religion that discriminates.  There. I said it.

I present you with this question: What if.  What if I said I was gay?  How would you treat me?  How many friends would I lose immediately? How many friends would I lose after being lectured? 

How many Christians would walk away from me or throw me under their theological bus? How many would tell their children I’m going to hell? Would you back away and put the wall of “I’ll pray for you,” between us? Would you celebrate with me if I found someone to love and share my life with? Or would you throw your Bible at me and exclude me from your life? 

The saddest part is, I will lose just as many “friends” from announcing I’m a gay-affirming feminist.  In reality, you can label me all you want, it boils down to I’m a human-affirming human.

One day I asked myself this question: What if we’re wrong? What if I’m wrong? I decided to err, if it is erring, on the side of love.  I leave the judging to God because that’s what the Bible we bludgeon people with says to do. 

And now, if you can’t say something nice, affirming, or positive, please don’t. If you unfriend me, I will miss you, but know that you telling me I’m wrong or going to hell will not change my mind.  I know the Bible very, very well, so the Bible verse contest will not persuade me.  I will delete any and all negativity from my life, just as you feel you are from yours.  I’m sorry we’ve had to come to this impasse.

My mind is not yours to manipulate to how you feel or view things and if you’ve known me any amount of time, you know you cannot anyway.  I know my own mind just as you know yours. I can’t be silent about how I feel any longer. I’m going to do unto others and love.