community – Sassy Dreams Awake

community, COVID, health, Pandemic Social Distancing

Spent

Posted on October 2, 2022 by sassysheisme

While the rest of the abled/healthy world forges on to recapture “normal,” people like me are trying to accept we’ll never have normal again. As long as COVID flows and mutates along unchecked, I’ve found myself limited in many ways I didn’t have to face before.

I’m exhausted. Spent. Sick of trying to navigate the world as an immunosuppressed person while nearly everyone else around me moves on. Goes to restaurants. Movies. Concerts. Attends major events. Wonders why I decline invites and don’t attend.

Years from now, when we have long COVID statistics that so many who are currently running around uninhibited may likely be dealing with, we will also have data on the mental toll that COVID has taken on those of us who have had to hunker down and live in virtual isolation because of a mishandled pandemic and the rush of most of those we know to put something, that will be ongoing for a long while, behind them.

If anyone thinks I don’t want to go eat IN a restaurant or sit at the bar with friends and watch the game, you’re wrong. See a major movie in a theater? I’d love to. Travel without a mask? Yep. Go to a concert and not worry that I’m going to test positive in a few days? Absolutely. If anyone thinks I like curbside pickup or delivery all the time instead of going into a store…. okay, you would be right about that one.

I’ve done everything I can do personally to move forward, but I’m limited, and that’s extremely difficult for me. As I sit and listen to so many I know talk about symptoms of long COVID (while many refuse to label it so), I wonder why they don’t realize why I don’t want it. I don’t even want to chance it if I can avoid it. And I do want to avoid long COVID.

Someone I know who saw me out with my mask on told me that I was the smart one. Meanwhile, he did not have a mask on, nor did anyone in the area crowd around me (and more than one had had COVID recently). I wondered why, if I was the smart one, he wouldn’t wear a mask, too. I’m sure there are many reasons, but I’m not sure I would understand most of them.

I, like so many other vulnerable people, want to rejoin the world with you, but we can’t without a little help and compassion. For now, I will create my own world and boundaries, and if you can’t keep them, please understand my distance.

CANCER, community, COVID, Grief, Pandemic Social Distancing, relationships

Impromptu Immunocompromised Support Group

Posted on October 15, 2021October 15, 2021 by sassysheisme

I had my oncologist checkup today. The doctor was running way behind. I was in the waiting room for nearly an hour, I didn’t mind. I started a Covidiot Support Group while I waited.

There were three of us waiting. All of us got to talking about dealing with the unmasked and unvaccinated and the choices we have to make with people, especially those close to us.

One has had to tell family to stay away for about a year now. They are angry with her because they can’t come visit her toddlers or their son, but they flat out refuse to get vaccinated or wear masks. This lady is undergoing chemo and literally has a chemo port sticking out of her chest. She is immunocompromised and is taking care of herself. Instead of understanding, the family tells her she’s selfish for keeping the family apart, making her the bad guy and telling all who will listen how selfish she is. Projection is a mofo.

Two has had similar issues because she’s also immunocompromised and she has an 11 year old in school (who, if it’s not already available to him, will get a Covid shot for his 12th birthday). She has relatives who don’t care if she’s compromised, they want to see the kid who can transmit it to her easily. I don’t envy that tight rope. She’s had to be the selfish bad guy, too.

Two’s kid attends HISD, which defied a gubernatorial mandate to not mandate that which has been scientifically proven to reduce cases – masks. Because of masks, HISD kids are less at risk. HISD has roughly 197,000 students and 27,000 employees. As of today, community control has been achieved with less than 200 cases in HISD per day. Masks. Work.

Me? I’ve had to draw some boundaries with people, and damn, is it difficult. I am immunocompromised. I have to keep these boundaries in place. There are unvaccinated people all around me. If you want to see me, you wear a mask, we go outside, and you have to be vaccinated. Period. Dot. It flabbergasts me how people can take my desire to be healthy personally, but they do.

I am not selfish, I’m practicing self-care. I am diligent. I am doing whatever it takes to stay healthy so I can live my life to the fullest. I am not the bad guy. How can I be the bad guy when all I’ve done is draw a line that requires someone to do something free (that will protect them also) or wear a piece of cloth on their face so they don’t potentially make me ill? I had some unvaccinated people socially distance visit and wear masks. They obeyed those boundaries (this was before Delta). They worked with me. I love them for that. I’ve had to get stricter as the virus gets worse.

Interestingly enough, when I was going through cancer treatment and had to be extra careful then, some had no issues doing whatever it took so they could come see me and love on me. I did the same for my brother when he had leukemia. I had to wash my hands to my elbows, wear gloves and I wore the mask and I did it with all the love in my heart so I could be with him.

The difference now? I can’t wrap my brain around it, because I think it will hurt more than I want it to. There are some people, however, who love in words and not in action. And right now, I need the action. One, Two and I need that action, intent and sacrifice, and trust me, we rarely, if ever, ask for it.

Now we’re asking for it and we will continue to do so because in our cases, it’s not about them. It is about us. Our health and well being, which includes our mental health.

One and Two were pretty pumped up when I went back to the doctor’s office. So was I. It’s been a long haul. I’ve lost people to Covid, and I still can’t believe they’re gone. No funerals. No memorials. We’ve all been through a lot and there is a clear path to victory but only the selfish bad guys seem to want to get there (which includes those who are vaxxed to protect themselves and others).

I get it, some can’t be vaxxed, and they need the same boundaries I do because of it. I feel for them. I’m sure some treat them like selfish bad guys. To those choosing not to be vaxxed, these are the boundaries we have to have to stay healthy. Please don’t take it personally. We love you, we really do. We’d like to stay healthy so we can come see you again one day. Hopefully sooner than later.

I am so grateful for those who are doing whatever it takes for me to have a safe trip for me to see my Bestie and my family next month, and who do whatever it takes to hang out every now and then. I am worth a piece of cloth over their mouth and nose. Why is that so hard to say? Why do I have to say it?

One day, this pandemic will be in the rearview mirror but the boundaries for some may not be. I will continue to stay healthy, including my mental health. I will continue to evolve. I’ve learned so much during this pandemic. Upward and onward.

community, COVID, politics

I Celebrate, Even by Myself

Posted on August 21, 2021August 21, 2021 by sassysheisme

Today is pandemic social distancing day 526. COVID-19 is just as bad here as it was last winter, a viral fire fueled by misinformation and a variant tearing through the unvaccinated population that has chosen freedom without responsibility.

One day, those that spread misinformation and mistrust to further their own political aspirations will be held accountable one way or the other. I believe that. One day, we’ll peel back the layers and discover what made a portion of our population vulnerable to that misinformation. There are many theories, and I believe many causes. As a nation, we have much to examine and repair. Moreover, we have a great deal of healing to do.

A couple of months ago, I bought a very nice bottle of wine. Barrel aged for two years, smooth, delicious. I was saving it for a special occasion, but by the time I truly will get to share it with anyone, it will likely go bad.

Therefore, tonight I opened my aged, fine wine. I am celebrating being vaccinated, socially distanced, and safe. I know I have chosen the right path for myself and for others. I will continue the same course of action until it’s safe to open another bottle, another time, with others.

Activism, advocate, community, education

Judging Those in Poverty

Posted on January 4, 2021 by sassysheisme

I’m building on the rant by Qasim Rashid above.

I have lived paycheck to paycheck most of my life. I have had to decide between gas and groceries and not just once. I have visited the food bank. I had to let my teeth go because I couldn’t afford the dental care I needed. I drove cars that broke down constantly.

AND I WORKED MY ASS OFF. At one point, I had three jobs and still sometimes wondered if I’d have enough gas to get to work. While life is much better for me now, I remember feeling the judgement, real or perceived, because I couldn’t make ends meet working those three jobs (without health insurance) and I couldn’t make my degree work for me either.

If your definition of socialism is “someone I don’t like or I think doesn’t deserve” what you already have, you a) need a dictionary, and b) you should be thankful you have the privilege you can stand on and make judgements from.

Poverty is not a moral failing, it’s a failing of a system. I’m no longer ashamed of what some call “wasted years”. Since I lived it, I know how hard it is to overcome it. There aren’t always opportunities, they need to be created. One was created for me, and I haven’t forgotten it.

Instead of “they don’t” or “they shouldn’t”, perhaps we should start talking about “we” and “us.” That’s what community is all about.

Activism, challenge, commentary, community

Blackkklansman

Posted on April 27, 2019 by sassysheisme

I’ve watched Blackkklansman several times now. Parts of it make me sick, particularly the parts where “Christians” believe white is right and the only color. Harry Belafonte’s part where he recounts several atrocities is particularly strong. One hopes we’ve made progress. Right?

Then a church going white man drives into a crowd to kill people for their assumed religion based on how they look. In Sunnyvale, California. In 2019.

We can do better, America. We need to stand up for each other. Own the past. Change the future.

I still have hope change can happen. May I do my part.

Activism, commentary, community, holidays, Human Rights, Humanity, politics

MLK Day

Posted on January 15, 2018 by sassysheisme

Until 1988, I didn’t know much about Martin Luther King, Jr. Nothing was taught about him in history class (of course, no history class I was in got much further than WW2), and so it passed under my radar.

In college, I had a friend named Dee Dee who suggested, since we were near Atlanta on Spring Break, that we go see the MLK Center opened by Dr. King’s widow.

We went on our journey that day and I didn’t know what to expect from our visit, but I left the MLK Center very reflective and sad that someone who fought so hard for equality was persecuted for it. He was not perfect, but he was important. For all of us.

My life is richer because of the diversity in it. May we all work together so we are all on equal footing to reach our dreams.

Happy birthday to the King of all Dreamers.

community, nature, pics, Uncategorized, weather

HARVEY, AND THE TURTLE SWIMMING IN MY BACK YARD

Posted on September 2, 2017 by sassysheisme

It’s been a week now since Harvey started steamrolling his way up the Texas coast, dumping 30 inches of rain in my neighborhood over a 5 day period. I live in the Buffalo Bayou watershed, and that water is still lapping against the bottom floor of my four-story building.

Mercifully, that water has receded about a foot and a half in the last 24 hours. It’s not unlike a clogged bathtub drain – since they keep releasing water from the reservoirs into Buffalo Bayou, they do not expect this water to fully drain (and that’s if there’s no additional rain) for another 10-15 days. Most other places in town, the water is receding or has receded.

I’ve been working from home for over a week. Thankfully, I only lost power for 15 minutes on Saturday morning and it came back on and has stayed on. Tuesday I did go out, in the pouring rain, because I was going a little stir-crazy. I made it to the Thai place close by and got some takeout. While I waited, I chatted with a much older gentleman named Bill. It was nice to have some conversation that did not involve posting warnings to other coworkers (we are spread all over the Houston metro area) and checking in on people where the water was rising.

It’s not unusual to feel helpless during disasters like this. My health is not allowing me to do much in the say of hands-on help for people, I have no cash to really help anyone, and though I live on the fourth floor, I sustained some water damage in my apartment due to the wind, prior undiscovered damage that this storm brought to light, and relentless, pounding rain. I’m really worried about the mold that is already there and that will have a chance to grow until I get my turn on the fix list (there are many apartments on the first floor of other buildings that had rising water in them that are priorities, and I get that).

I know people who have lost everything (again) and people who have lost cars, and some people who are just stuck because we are living on a series of islands in this area of town and if you want to go north/south from here it is nearly impossible. It’s insane and difficult to describe what’s going on down here in Houston.

This is my fourth…fifth… major flood/storm in the last 9 years. I’ve really lost count how many times this creek that is often just a trickle of inches has gone over its banks (about five feet), but this is the first time the water has risen to within a foot of the balcony on the first floor. It’s only gone down about 18 inches since the rain stopped Tuesday evening.

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I do the only thing I can do in times like this, document the situation as it happens, encourage others, and take photos. Some of the photos you see on this post were taken with my iPhone or Canon over the past couple of days as the sun came out.

I noticed, while taking these photos, something was moving in the water. I know there are snakes down there, frogs, and who knows what, but a turtle surfaced in the water. Of course, I named him Harvey. How could I not?

Harvey-1-18

The apartment management visited yesterday to survey the damage and get me on the list of getting things fixed. We opened the door to survey the door frame damage, and I pointed down to the turtle. They were all amazed. Through all that yucky, brown water, swam this little guy. And from up here, if he looks like that, he’s probably a pretty good size. Harvey finally made some people smile!

Some people thought I was delirious because I was saying a turtle swam by my apartment, but here he is:

Harvey-1-13

While I am ready to get back to work, I hope some of the routes north open up, otherwise it may take me over an hour (or more) to go 8 miles when it comes time to try go to the office. The Buffalo Bayou runs all the way to downtown and everywhere there’s a bridge over it, it’s under water and will be for a week or two.

Still, I’ve been able to find some beauty in the mess, and that’s saying something, because it’s a big mess! All of Houston must reach deep inside to find the silver lining, and keep trudging forward, because Harvey left us with devastation that will take months to clean up.

The best part of this mess is seeing the best of humanity amid the worst of nature. People helping people, no matter their color, creed or political slant. Volunteers being turned away because there are too many. Communities everywhere donating to those in need. Trucks pulling boats from other states coming to rescue people from their homes. That’s still happening, by the way. Amazing. People can be amazing when they need to be.

I hope this goodness continues to spread across the United States. It’s too bad it took a natural disaster to draw it out, but I hope it’s a start. Please be good to each other out there.

Harvey-1-9

Activism, advocate, commentary, community, Equality, fearless, feminism, Uncategorized, World

NEVERTHELESS, I PERSIST

Posted on August 13, 2017 by sassysheisme

Yesterday was another day of political upheaval here in the United States. I am 48 years young but I’ve never seen (or was too young to really remember) anything like the baffling regression of the American spirit like I’ve witnessed over the past 18 months or so.

I will say this and leave it right here: I believe in equality for everyone. Everyone. Progress has been made the past decade to close many gaps for many different people groups and I refuse to let any group in this country try to drag us back to the dark ages of closed-minded thinking.

With that out in the ether I’ll add this: I’m ashamed of the president and what he’s stirred up in this country and continues to allow with no intelligent comment or rebuke. I have a great admiration for presidents past, and I hope to have a president I can admire and be proud of and respect again, but 45 is not that president. I have great respect for the office of the president, but I do not respect the current president. I can and will make that distinction for the duration of his term. If you voted for him, that is your right, but please don’t try to defend him or your choice. I am tired of that conversation. It’s done.

My heart hurts for the family that lost a sweet daughter yesterday. All she was doing was protesting a hate group. Peacefully. She believed in the diversity and love of all in America and she was marching to show this hate group that she still believed we could all get along, that there was room enough at her table for all. This hate group cannot stand that thought, and one man from that group took it upon himself to violently end her life and injure many others because people like her are trying to put other beliefs, thoughts and color into his whitewashed world.

I believe I am fortunate to be surrounded by a wondrously varied group of people every day. I work for an international company in the most diverse city in America. I work with people who were not born in this country who came here for freedom and chose the US and became citizens. Some are just here for a few years or months, others’ parents or grandparents came here and brought their rich cultures to the greatest melting pot in the world.

I navigate a number of cultures, religions, belief systems, biases and dissimilarities every single day. Harmony, even when there are notable differences, can be achieved if everyone allows their worldview to be wide enough to consider that not everyone was raised the same, believes the same, or wants the same outcomes for their lives.

I still don’t understand the notion of making America great again (MAGA), as if America wasn’t already great. It seems to me that the MAGA directive for the 45 supporter is to regress back to the idea that one way is the only way, which is anchored in ignorance and fear.

I wholeheartedly believe that America’s diversity is its strength. When hate groups march (which is their right as long as they are peaceful) and preach that they want to keep America the way it is or was (for them) they miss the point. America has always been diverse. America has always been a haven for all. These groups have just isolated themselves so much that they are afraid of what and whom they don’t know or understand. Rather than build a bridge, they want to vote everyone else off their very small-minded island.

I’ve lived in Houston 23 years now. I went from a small town in Indiana where most people looked, talked and thought like me to the most diverse and culture rich city in America. I am all the better for it. I understand so much more of the world because the world is here all around me and it is a wondrous assortment of people. If MAGA means isolation, hatred, racism, and a white’s only attitude, I want no part of it.

After the events yesterday in Charlottesville, I was a bit disheartened to say the least. America feels like it is sliding backward, and I feel like a small minority of hatred is going to suck me down with it. I can’t let that happen, but I don’t always know what I can do.

I become overwhelmed with the vastness of the pervasive hatred that some humans have against other humans simply because they are not disciples of the same ethos or they have a different color of skin. What can one person do to turn the tide?

I was reminded today to do something I already try to do – reach one person at a time. Learn as much as I can about our differences and use every opportunity to lift that person up. If that person needs an ally, I will stand with them. I will celebrate everything that makes them unique, because I also thrive when my uniqueness is noted and celebrated.

It really does boil down to treating others as you yourself want to be treated.

Nevertheless, I persist.

community, Equality, GLBT, LGBT, Uncategorized

BAR NONE

Posted on January 30, 2016January 30, 2016 by sassysheisme

Last weekend, I found myself in a gay bar down in Montrose. I was with a good friend of mine, someone who has let me into his world piece by piece. The more he shares with me, the more I understand him and what he goes through every day as a gay man.

He took me to one of his favorite bars. We ordered some drinks and went outside to sit by the gas heaters (it was a nice, cool night). We were soon joined by a couple who engaged us in conversation.

They were dressed up for dinner and had stopped for a drink first. They were meeting some of their friends later. One of the friends joined them before the others. Immediately, I searched for the face of the third man in my memories. Joe (not his real name) introduced himself and after I told him he looked familiar, he said he just had one of those faces.

Joe had been a Southern Baptist preacher. His friend, Evan (not his real name), had been a Southern Baptist youth pastor. All once upon a time, because you can’t be gay and serve God, right?

Joe, Evan and my friend talked God and church for a while – the suffering they’d endured at the hands of the church, and yet they continued to believe in God and spread the Gospel that all, including the LGBT community were precious to Him. They work to reconcile the church with the gay community.

Soon, their two other friends showed up. My friend went in to refill my drink and we began to talk about gay affirming churches. I expressed my frustration that the only place some in the LGBT community could feel welcome was in a bar and not in a church. One of the men sat down next to me and hugged me and said I was in the right place to make the difference I was supposed to make.

I was meeting people on their terms, in their territory and being myself. No pretense. Just love. Acceptance.

My friend returned, and we talked some more and then they left for their dinner, but not until there were hugs and blessings. I laughed at the irony. Fellowship at a gay bar.

Actually, I’d rather be in a bar loving people as they are than in a congregation that excludes based on human judgment.

I realize this is controversial and heresy for some. That’s ok. I’ve already made my feelings known in a prior post- Human Affirming Human.

Please take a step back as a church and realize that the “lost” you seek to save rarely cross your threshold because you continually tell them they are not worthy to be there. I am not an evangelist, I’m just a human loving other humans where they are, and those humans are loving me where I am – with no judgment.

Don’t just imagine a world where we love without reservation – love in the world without reservation.

PS – I Googled Joe and sure enough – I found him. He is now preaching and reaching out to the gay community.