CANCER – Sassy Dreams Awake

CANCER, community, COVID, Grief, Pandemic Social Distancing, relationships

Impromptu Immunocompromised Support Group

Posted on October 15, 2021October 15, 2021 by sassysheisme

I had my oncologist checkup today. The doctor was running way behind. I was in the waiting room for nearly an hour, I didn’t mind. I started a Covidiot Support Group while I waited.

There were three of us waiting. All of us got to talking about dealing with the unmasked and unvaccinated and the choices we have to make with people, especially those close to us.

One has had to tell family to stay away for about a year now. They are angry with her because they can’t come visit her toddlers or their son, but they flat out refuse to get vaccinated or wear masks. This lady is undergoing chemo and literally has a chemo port sticking out of her chest. She is immunocompromised and is taking care of herself. Instead of understanding, the family tells her she’s selfish for keeping the family apart, making her the bad guy and telling all who will listen how selfish she is. Projection is a mofo.

Two has had similar issues because she’s also immunocompromised and she has an 11 year old in school (who, if it’s not already available to him, will get a Covid shot for his 12th birthday). She has relatives who don’t care if she’s compromised, they want to see the kid who can transmit it to her easily. I don’t envy that tight rope. She’s had to be the selfish bad guy, too.

Two’s kid attends HISD, which defied a gubernatorial mandate to not mandate that which has been scientifically proven to reduce cases – masks. Because of masks, HISD kids are less at risk. HISD has roughly 197,000 students and 27,000 employees. As of today, community control has been achieved with less than 200 cases in HISD per day. Masks. Work.

Me? I’ve had to draw some boundaries with people, and damn, is it difficult. I am immunocompromised. I have to keep these boundaries in place. There are unvaccinated people all around me. If you want to see me, you wear a mask, we go outside, and you have to be vaccinated. Period. Dot. It flabbergasts me how people can take my desire to be healthy personally, but they do.

I am not selfish, I’m practicing self-care. I am diligent. I am doing whatever it takes to stay healthy so I can live my life to the fullest. I am not the bad guy. How can I be the bad guy when all I’ve done is draw a line that requires someone to do something free (that will protect them also) or wear a piece of cloth on their face so they don’t potentially make me ill? I had some unvaccinated people socially distance visit and wear masks. They obeyed those boundaries (this was before Delta). They worked with me. I love them for that. I’ve had to get stricter as the virus gets worse.

Interestingly enough, when I was going through cancer treatment and had to be extra careful then, some had no issues doing whatever it took so they could come see me and love on me. I did the same for my brother when he had leukemia. I had to wash my hands to my elbows, wear gloves and I wore the mask and I did it with all the love in my heart so I could be with him.

The difference now? I can’t wrap my brain around it, because I think it will hurt more than I want it to. There are some people, however, who love in words and not in action. And right now, I need the action. One, Two and I need that action, intent and sacrifice, and trust me, we rarely, if ever, ask for it.

Now we’re asking for it and we will continue to do so because in our cases, it’s not about them. It is about us. Our health and well being, which includes our mental health.

One and Two were pretty pumped up when I went back to the doctor’s office. So was I. It’s been a long haul. I’ve lost people to Covid, and I still can’t believe they’re gone. No funerals. No memorials. We’ve all been through a lot and there is a clear path to victory but only the selfish bad guys seem to want to get there (which includes those who are vaxxed to protect themselves and others).

I get it, some can’t be vaxxed, and they need the same boundaries I do because of it. I feel for them. I’m sure some treat them like selfish bad guys. To those choosing not to be vaxxed, these are the boundaries we have to have to stay healthy. Please don’t take it personally. We love you, we really do. We’d like to stay healthy so we can come see you again one day. Hopefully sooner than later.

I am so grateful for those who are doing whatever it takes for me to have a safe trip for me to see my Bestie and my family next month, and who do whatever it takes to hang out every now and then. I am worth a piece of cloth over their mouth and nose. Why is that so hard to say? Why do I have to say it?

One day, this pandemic will be in the rearview mirror but the boundaries for some may not be. I will continue to stay healthy, including my mental health. I will continue to evolve. I’ve learned so much during this pandemic. Upward and onward.

CANCER, commentary, Grief, holidays, Pandemic Social Distancing, Uncategorized

In Like a Lamb, Out Like a Lion

Posted on December 31, 2020 by sassysheisme

I can’t believe we are at the end of 2020. I started off the year by choosing “Roar” as my One Word 365 choice. Little did I know I would not be the one roaring my way through the year, but COVID 19 would instead.

Today is social distancing day 291. Trying to bring my thoughts together is difficult, simply because the circumstances of my life haven’t really changed from day to day. I had so many plans for my staycation, but mostly all I’ve done is survive. That, my friends, is a worthy goal achieved. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

Last night, I took a late call from a friend who lost her mother to a savage, quick-spreading cancer. We talked about all COVID had taken from us, robbed from us in broad daylight. Though she was able to have the final, precious moments with her mother, her confidante, her best friend, she was robbed of all the moments she could have had if she had been able to visit her in the hospital the last few weeks. My aunt could have had her family visit her and not leave her wondering if everyone was dead because they weren’t coming to see her. My aunt didn’t understand. My friend doesn’t understand. I don’t understand.

None of us understand.

COVID has robbed me of visits, precious time with my family. Some aren’t getting any younger, and some are getting older at a pace that if you blink, so much is missed. Kids are missing the camaraderie of choir, sports, clubs, and special dances. The adults are missing some semblance of preciously needed down time. Others are missing company. We are all missing something.

Yet there are still people out there who complain about masks or doing anything to prevent COVID for their neighbor. Even if it was only symbolic and not effective, as they claim, they still show their selfishness putting their supposed inconvenience against showing they care for their neighbors, their families, OUR families.

One of my childhood “Dads” passed from COVID recently. Two more adults from my childhood have died as well in the same time period, and while they may not have passed from COVID, COVID is robbing the families of proper funerals, robbing them from the normal first steps of the grief journey.

Compassion is free. Kindness costs nothing. Empathy means you are emotionally mature enough to realize it’s NOT ABOUT YOU because you’ve felt someone else’s pain and you can understand what someone’s going through. Our country is full of people who cannot muster any of those three emotional states or actions. That’s one of many frightening revelations COVID has shown me about America in 2020.

I am hopeful, that as vaccines are distributed (disturbingly slow) that COVID, the great thief, becomes COVID the great professor of how to human better. Many lessons yet to learn, many battles yet to fight, but we made it to this point in time. A time to look back (20/20) and a time to look forward.

I haven’t chosen a “One Word” for 2021. I don’t know if I will or not. After all, I chose the voice of a lion for a year that began hopeful and bright that turned into a roaring storm that has tossed me about while staying rooted in the same place for way too long. I need to think more carefully and reflect on lessons learned in 2020 that began like a lamb, and is ending as a rain-soaked roaring lion.

Activism, advocate, badassery, CANCER, death, Equality, movies, pop culture

Goodbye, King

Posted on August 30, 2020 by sassysheisme

When news came late Friday night that Chadwick Boseman, the actor who played King T’Challa in the Black Panther and Avenger movies, had died at age 43, the news hit me harder than I thought it would.

Boseman had been battling, unbeknownst to most, colon cancer for four years. This time had included the time he was working on the Black Panther movie. If you haven’t had cancer or a serious, debilitating illness, it’s difficult to appreciate what I consider to be a truly heroic effort to portray a hero. Each time cancer takes someone young or inspirational, I’m reminded I need to embrace more of the remaining life I’ve been given to live. This death cut me to the core. I’ve so much left to do.

I remember when the Black Panther movie came out and so many people of all races and lifestyles came out of the theaters crossing their arms in the “Wakanda forever!” sign. People of color walked out of that movie changed and inspired. Young black children finally had a Marvel superhero on screen that looked like them, that they could identify with. Someone strong, caring, extraordinary and human.

I was also inspired by the Black Panther. The strong women of Wakanda, who were in charge of the technology and protecting the King, made me cheer. These depictions of strong, intelligent women (of any color) shouldn’t be so few and far between, but they are. Shuri is the smartest in the room. Any room. Okoye and her crew could kick any man’s ass. Nakia is brave, and convinces the King that sharing their knowledge and wealth for the good of all is an important enough idea to allow it to stand between her and her relationship with the King.

Heroes don’t have to be the same color as you are to be inspirational, but I’m white and I have plenty to choose from if that is what I seek. It was about time that people of color had an extraordinary hero and a slew of capable, ass-kicking heroines. I can only hope another hero can rise on the shoulders of Chadwick Boseman.

What I hope people learn from Boseman’s short, but well-lived, life is that people can be heroes both on and offscreen and be an inspiration beyond what they intended or hoped for. Heroism and quality of character goes more than skin deep, and that is one of the legacies that Boseman left behind for all of us.

Rest in Power, King.

breast cancer, CANCER, tamoxifen

DEAR TAMOXIFEN, THANK YOU AND GOODBYE

Posted on October 8, 2015 by sassysheisme

Today was the big appointment with my oncologist during which I planned to tell her, vehemently, that I had broken up with tamoxifen, and that I had already noticed a significant improvement in my quality of life. I had my argument planned in my head, had all my answers, research and sass ready. To say I was resolute would have been a huge understatement. I was at peace with this decision and I was ready to live with it and all the consequences.

As it usually happens with me, whenever I am prepared to defend myself or my position – I didn’t have to at all.

My pain, the side effects, everything, was acknowledged. Then she told me that in the last year Texas Oncology has heard the pleas and complaints of the patients under their care and have rolled out an entire program to help patients with their side effects.

I couldn’t hide my surprise. The last time I’d sat in that chair, I was tearfully pleading for help with the nearly debilitating joint pain (among other side effects) and was met with a blank stare and “that’s not my specialty.” I felt that, given that experience, I was in for a lengthy debate to justify my deep, ingrained notion that I was due a better quality of the life that was spared.

Apparently, according to Time Magazine, the entire breast cancer industry is rethinking how they treat DCIS cancers (like the one I had). One patient, Desiree Basila, made this statement:

“What I am doing is not foolproof,” says Basila. “I know that. I also know life is finite and that death is unavoidable. For me it came down to the quality of the life I want to live. I don’t want to be tired and bitchy if I can avoid it. And come what may, I think we really hurt ourselves by trying to just not be dead.”

Just trying not to be dead.

That last sentence stuck with me, and was in my arsenal of defense against the “Tamoxifen machine.”

After explaining how they’re now offering help with side effects, she looked me in the eyes, saw the resolve, and then said, “For your type of cancer and your stage and the size of the tumor, you’ve taken it long enough.”

She glanced down at my chart again. “Your quality of life is too important. You don’t have to take it again.”

I was stunned. I almost started crying, but it would have been an ugly cry, so I sucked it all in as hard as I could.

She agreed with me. I didn’t see that coming!

She stressed good eating, weight loss, continuing my natural therapies (though I know she still doesn’t quite agree with that), and concentrating on improving and enjoying my life.

I cried on the way home, grateful that 1, I didn’t have to take tamoxifen anymore, and 2, that I didn’t have to argue the point. I can’t tell you how gratifying it is to stand up for myself and have it rewarded in the way I wanted, but did not expect.

I will end with this: Tamoxifen, I do thank you for what protection and prevention you have given me. I will not, however, miss you, be sentimental about our time together, or yearn for the life-sucking “good ol days.” I am more than happy to leave you behind!