Posted in Activism, badassery, GLBT, LGBT, politics, safe, Uncategorized

SAFE SPACES

Posted on by sassysheisme

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Whether you agree with the safety pin movement, I ask you to think about all the marginalized people groups you know of, and friends you know who are labeled into those groups.  While a safety pin is a small gesture, a gesture some mock or ridicule or label too small, it’s a step in the right direction.  The hearts are in the right place. We shall soon see if their hands, feet, mouths and ears are in the right place as well.

I’ve always thought of myself as a safe space for people. In hindsight, I know that was not always true.  I was often judgemental and closed minded.  While I know that I’ve come quite a long way (a canyon’s divide) from where I once was, I’m only beginning to understand how to be a safe space, and I hope to become a proactive safe space.

One step at a time. First I must ensure I am a safe space for those who need it. I must seek to understand a pain or fear I perhaps have not experienced myself.

Second, I must listen more. I do a lot of talking. I seek to heal, empower, and encourage people with words. Sometimes, safety is found in my silence.  Sometimes, it’s found in the words I’m afraid to say aloud. No more fear.

I’m still trying to find words for all I’m feeling right now.  Still digging through. The main point of this post is to say I’m a safe space for those in fear, those who feel unheard, threatened, or pushed to the margins. As a single, middle-aged woman, I am in some of those margins myself.

For now, I hope this is a good first step. If you need a safe space, I’m here for you.

Posted in GLBT, LGBT, politics, Uncategorized

AFTERMATH

Posted on by sassysheisme

Spent a lot of time listening, counseling, and reassuring people today. I hope I made a difference for some of you.

This election was so polarizing, but what I have seen is that most people on either side wanted the same thing – change. I also feel like either candidate would have led to some buyer’s remorse at some point for people on both sides. Most politicians don’t keep their promises. The Founding Fathers set up our government so that one person can’t control everything.Some of you might not understand how this election affected many women, people of color, gays, Muslims, immigrants and children/family of immigrants, those who have been sexually assaulted, those who have gone to bed hungry, those who had medical issues and can’t keep up with the bills, single moms, and so many more hurting, marginalized people in your community.

Some of you might not understand how this election affected many women, people of color, gays, Muslims, immigrants and children/family of immigrants, those who have been sexually assaulted, those who have gone to bed hungry, those who had medical issues and can’t keep up with the bills, single moms, and so many more hurting, marginalized people in your community.

For many, this election was about inclusivity, equal rights, the right to be heard, and the right to have their humanity acknowledged. This morning, so many of these marginalized people woke up in fear. Pure, anxiety-filled fear.
My hope is that our take away as fellow humans on this planet is that we are all in this together and that we seek to understand and soothe these fears. No one in America should have to fear being who they truly, genuinely are.

I’m not going to give up on anyone who needs something from this world. You are loved. Just as you are. I mean that with all of my heart.

Posted in creativity, photographers, photography, Uncategorized

CREATIVE MOJO

Posted on by sassysheisme

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I truly, madly, deeply love photography. I love being a photographer. I feel alive in the creative process from beginning to end.

For the last couple of years – through my ups and downs with cancer and hypothyroidism – I lost my creative drive.  Most people do not realize how much energy creativity takes, especially for someone who has to measure out, sometimes selfishly, how she spends her time and energy.

I decided it was time to reclaim my creative drive and ramp it up.  I have been participating in the FMS Photo a Day, a photography challenge that has a daily word (a color, food, “right now,” etc) you must snap a photo and post.  I asked some friends to join me in October’s challenge and it’s been interesting to see “orange,” “stuff,” and “good vibes,” through their eyes.

Today, my friend Kim picked me up this morning and we headed out to parts unknown, to me at least.  We ended up in small towns like Shiner, Flatonia, Schulenburg, and LaGrange, Texas.  We’d occasionally stop, snap some photos, and continue on. It was a perfectly creative day with a good friend. I can’t ask for a more creative and satisfying Saturday.

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I can feel the creativity boiling in me now. For example, as Kim and I were talking, I noticed this reflection in her wine glass, stopped, snapped the photo, and continued talking. It’s one of my favorite shots from the day.

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Grateful for days like this! Getting my creative mojo back one day at a time.

Posted in education, fearless, Uncategorized

THE CASE FOR COLLEGE

Posted on by sassysheisme

Yesterday, a friend of mine was told it was time to apply for graduation for her associate’s degree. She was so happy I’m surprised she didn’t float away from jumping up and down with joy.

She would be considered a non-traditional student. She has worked hard – working full-time while going to school.  Some mornings she is so tired she can hardly hold her head up, but she is doing all of this so she can be/do/work at something that requires a certain level of education.

I definitely was celebrating with her, not necessarily for earning the degree, but for having that “whatever it takes” attitude, setting a goal and achieving it.

I won’t lie.  College attendance was an expectation for me – not an option.  The money was not there, but I was going regardless of the obstacles.  The other expectation put upon me was that I would become a teacher because one could always find work as a teacher while I waited to get married and graduate to stay at home motherhood.

None of those expectations were mine, but I set out to live up to them.

I had no idea what I wanted to do, but I was good at writing, so I pursued that and had no idea what job would materialize later to justify it.  Turns out, through my liberal arts pursuits, I found I was good at a great many things and still they wanted me to choose ONE thing to be good at for the rest of my life.

Last night, I wrote the following after I’d given my college days some thought.

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I do believe that college debt is a big deal and students should have a better idea of why they are going to college and what they are going to do with that degree before they attend – some may not need to attend right away or at all.  That said, I believe college was so much more than a degree for me.

That said, I believe college was so much more than a degree for me.  I pull knowledge from my English literature, writing, music business, and other courses often, but I pull from the life lessons, life choices, and life skills just as often or more.

I consider my degree one of my greatest accomplishments and because I have that under my belt, I know I can accomplish much more!

Posted in about shae, fearless, strangers, travel

I TALK TO STRANGERS

Posted on by sassysheisme

I think almost every parent tells their children, “Don’t talk to strangers.” We are taught that strangers are dangerous, can hurt us, abduct us, or worse. That “stranger danger” feeling often follows us into adulthood.

I was asked this week how I handle eating alone, traveling alone, being alone. It was an honest inquiry from someone who has recently moved away from family and friends and is on their own more than they ever have been.

Almost a decade ago, I tried an experiment, starting out small, and eventually adding to it – I challenged myself to talk to strangers whenever I left the apartment. Now, talking to strangers is second nature to me. I do it all the time.

Monday, on my way to Fort Lauderdale, I was in line to board the plane with a man named Glenn, also from Houston. We had a great conversation and went our separate ways.

This morning, I found out a coworker, also in Fort Lauderdale, was taking the same flight home as I was. She has been taking many trips back and forth from Houston to Fort Lauderdale the past few months. When we were in line to board the plane, we both saw Glenn.  He had seen her quite a few times at the airport, and he thought it was wild that she and I knew each other and we were all on the same flight home.

I saw him on the plane in the last row.  I was a few rows ahead.  When we landed, he all of a sudden was right behind me like some sort of airplane aisle ninja.  He said goodbye to me and my coworker and we all went our separate ways.

We saw each other again at baggage claim and he exclaimed, “OH MY GAWD YOU STALKER!” and we started laughing.  We talked a bit, and as we parted he said, “see you around Airport Dweller.”  His wife pulled up and they both waved and merged into traffic.

I think I’d find it incredibly funny if I ever saw him again.  He’s about to start working quite a bit on the West Coast.

If I didn’t make a point of talking to strangers, I wouldn’t have had the conversations and laughs I had today.  I have a whole list of stories I now have to tell because I went out of my comfort zone to cultivate conversations with strangers.

Try it. One stranger. One person at the mall or the grocery store. Your dry cleaner. The lady who sells hotdogs at the ballpark. Most people will be open to a sentence or two.

Add to your story.  Talk to strangers!

 

Posted in commentary, Ocean, travel, travels, Uncategorized, value

BEACHES

Posted on by sassysheisme

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Work has taken me to Florida again.  This time, I planned a trip to the beach as it will likely rain the rest of the week.  I wanted to get some sand between my toes before I dive into work tomorrow.

After dinner, I sat on the beach for a glorious hour, listening to waves crash and watching a dad bury his two girls in the sand.   I received a text that my parking meter was running low, so I reluctantly headed back to the MINIVAN the rental place gave me.

An old man (and by old, I mean way older than my father), was sitting in a row of chairs in the plaza by himself. He made eye contact so I went over and introduced myself. Carl is no longer able to get down to the ocean. Bad knees, bad hips, bad everything, so he comes down and sits as close to the ocean as he can.

He asked how it was down on the beach and if I put my toes in the water and the sand and what it felt like, so I told him. This particular beach had damp, coarse sand that actually flaked off easier than powdered sand. He thought that was a great description.

We talked some more, then he said, “go while you can. You never know when you won’t be able to feel the sand between your toes anymore.”

He was still smiling, but my heart broke a little bit.  Clearly, he loved the ocean. Those chairs were as close as he was going to get to it at this point in his life as far as he was concerned.

I’m not old by any means, but I know I am at the end of the summer of my life. I can’t imagine a time when I won’t be able to do simple things that give me pleasure, but I know it’s inevitable.

“Enjoy everything while you can,” he reiterated.  “Was it a good trip to the beach?”

Yes, Carl, it was.  Thank you for the reminder that I need to squeeze everything I can out of every moment I can.

 

Posted in creativity, music, pop culture

WHEN FANS CRY

Posted on by sassysheisme

Today one of my coworkers, who usually checks the news around noonish, blurted out, “Prince died!” I went on the internet immediately to verify.  It was true.

Ironically, I had spent the morning searching for and finding the video of a coworker singing, “Purple Rain,” during karaoke at the company Christmas party in 2014 to show one of the interns. She had just received them when I walked back to her department to give them the news.

After the denial wore off and other coworkers took their turns singing parts of “Purple Rain,” and sharing random thoughts and memories of Prince, I couldn’t get the song, “Purple Rain,” out of my head – and it’s not even my favorite Prince song.

My 2nd favorite Prince song is largely unavailable – it’s “Most Beautiful Girl in the World,” from his 1995 release, The Gold Experience.  The song is not only beautiful and inspiring, it shows Prince’s amazing range.  I also have some of his recent funk and random jazz cuts in my collection.  He also wrote songs that he didn’t sing himself, like Stevie Nick’s, “Stand Back.”

So much talent and creativity packed into one mind and life.

Super Bowl halftime show – AMAZING.  Pouring rain, and when asked if he was going to perform in the rain, he said, “Can you make it rain more?”

My favorite song, though, is “When Doves Cry,” from his iconic Purple Rain album.  I was a freshman in high school when it came out, and the lyrics, which I sang with all my heart and pain, resonated with me.

How can you just leave me standing?
Alone in a world that’s so cold? (So cold)
Maybe I’m just too demanding
Maybe I’m just like my father too bold
Maybe you’re just like my mother
She’s never satisfied (She’s never satisfied)
Why do we scream at each other
This is what it sounds like
When doves cry

Musical therapy.

When I came home tonight, MTV had cleared all their normal programming to show Prince videos and the movie Purple Rain.  I watched it in its entirety, which I haven’t done in years.

It’s odd, watching an iconic movie filled with such iconic music and persona when the force behind it all is no longer earthside. The performance seems fuller – as if the last breath of the soul finally made its way to the celluloid.

As I expressed in my post WHEN YOUR CHILDHOOD STARTS DYING, the grief is different, but it’s there in every note, video, and other expressions of sadness. Even now, as it appears that Prince’s death might (might) be drug related or suspicious, that doesn’t lessen his impact on people’s lives or my life through his art.

I believe there’s a fine line between creativity/genius and insanity or otherworldliness that is nearly impossible to walk and nearly impossible to understand or fathom. I think that line is what scares me the most when I find myself at my most creative and expressive. Artists like Prince (and many more) inspire me to walk that line regardless of the mystery and to trust the process because no matter what happens if we obey the muse, we bare our souls and may inspire, encourage, challenge, and change others around us.

As people around the world listen, watch, and remember Prince tonight, we will all remember that we have gathered together to get through this thing called life – and his genius was a big part of it.

 

Posted in community, Equality, GLBT, LGBT, Uncategorized

BAR NONE

Posted on by sassysheisme

Last weekend, I found myself in a gay bar down in Montrose. I was with a good friend of mine, someone who has let me into his world piece by piece. The more he shares with me, the more I understand him and what he goes through every day as a gay man.

He took me to one of his favorite bars.  We ordered some drinks and went outside to sit by the gas heaters (it was a nice, cool night). We were soon joined by a couple who engaged us in conversation.

They were dressed up for dinner and had stopped for a drink first. They were meeting some of their friends later. One of the friends joined them before the others. Immediately, I searched for the face of the third man in my memories. Joe (not his real name) introduced himself and after I told him he looked familiar, he said he just had one of those faces.

Joe had been a Southern Baptist preacher. His friend, Evan (not his real name), had been a Southern Baptist youth pastor. All once upon a time, because you can’t be gay and serve God, right?

Joe, Evan and my friend talked God and church for a while – the suffering they’d endured at the hands of the church, and yet they continued to believe in God and spread the Gospel that all, including the LGBT community were precious to Him.  They work to reconcile the church with the gay community.

Soon, their two other friends showed up. My friend went in to refill my drink and we began to talk about gay affirming churches. I expressed my frustration that the only place some in the LGBT community could feel welcome was in a bar and not in a church. One of the men sat down next to me and hugged me and said I was in the right place to make the difference I was supposed to make.

I was meeting people on their terms, in their territory and being myself. No pretense. Just love. Acceptance.

My friend returned, and we talked some more and then they left for their dinner, but not until there were hugs and blessings. I laughed at the irony.  Fellowship at a gay bar.

Actually, I’d rather be in a bar loving people as they are than in a congregation that excludes based on human judgment.

I realize this is controversial and heresy for some. That’s ok. I’ve already made my feelings known in a prior post- Human Affirming Human.

Please take a step back as a church and realize that the “lost” you seek to save rarely cross your threshold because you continually tell them they are not worthy to be there. I am not an evangelist, I’m just a human loving other humans where they are, and those humans are loving me where I am – with no judgment.

Don’t just imagine a world where we love without reservation – love in the world without reservation.

PS – I Googled Joe and sure enough – I found him. He is now preaching and reaching out to the gay community.

 

Posted in music, Uncategorized

WHEN YOUR CHILDHOOD STARTS DYING

Posted on by sassysheisme

The headlines lit up again today as it was announced that Eagle Glenn Frey had died today.  I’ve had this subject on my mind since the announcement on December 31st that singer Natalie Cole had passed away, and last week, when David Bowie died, I saw the following Tweet which summed up how I felt.

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Natalie Cole

David Bowie

Alan Rickman

Dan Haggerty

Lemmy Kilmister

Glenn Frey

And that’s just a partial list from the past three weeks.

I’ve had the song, “Let’s Dance,” and “China Girl,” by David Bowie in my head for days. Now, “We Belong to the City,” and “The Heat is On,” are crowding them for space. Nevermind the music from the Harry Potter soundtrack from when Harry sees the real Snape in the Pensieve rolling around in there, too.

I’ve seen people sniping and rolling their figurative eyes all over Facebook and Twitter at how other express their very real grief over the loss of a celebrity.  The grief is real, it’s just not the same as when someone you love or knew well dies. It’s the grief of being old enough to watch your childhood slowly die one celebrity at a time with an increasing regularity.

My entire life has a soundtrack, and Glenn Frey and David Bowie were a big part of it – especially in high school. Natalie Cole has been a favorite of mine for decades.  Add in iconic movies – the visual history, and books – my literary history, and when actors, authors and others who have left an imprint on my life start to leave this world, and it has an effect.

Songs can take me back to a time, all I have to do is close my eyes. Music has been a strong rudder in my life. It’s no surprise that a tear or tears will come to my eyes, when a voice or sound from my childhood/younger years is silenced.

I imagine as I grow older, more of my cultural influencers will be silenced with an ever increasing regularity. It comes with the territory, I suppose.  I will mourn their influence in my own way, as will generations who have been touched by their extraordinary lives.

 

 

 

Posted in advocate, badassery, fearless, Push, Uncategorized

A CALL TO BADASSERY

Posted on by sassysheisme

The flood of New Year’s Resolution posts has begun. Every year, people pledge to lose weight, get a better job, etc. Resolutions are usually made to strive toward a better quality of life.

I stopped making resolutions (that I would usually not keep) and have instead resolved to make a better life for myself, period.

My resolve boils down to this single truth – life is what I make of it. I choose, every day, to make my life the best life I can, no matter what that entails.

Some days my best life requires more exercise or better eating, or down time or creative time. Other days, my best life requires me to rise above myself and my self-imposed limitations.

Every day, my best life requires me to be a Badass, regardless if I feel like I am or not.

Instead of making resolutions or goals that will fall by the wayside before the last Valentine’s Day chocolate has been eaten, why not choose to heed your call to badassery and live your best life every day?

Following a call to badassery is both as easy and as difficult as you may think.  A call to badassery can be as free as a pursuit as any and it can cost you everything.  Stressful? Sometimes. Worth it? You bet.

My bestie, during our Badassery Advocate planning session when I was on vacation in California, looked me square in the eye and said, “First you have to find your ‘why’.”

My ‘why’ at least as it pertains to Badassery Advocate, is every person out there who feels stuck, complacent, unchallenged, weak, hopeless, on the brink, or lost.  I see so many potential Badasses, people who are Badasses deep inside, are about to realize their badassery, and I want to help anyone who wants to find, expose and live as the badass they are.

You are my ‘why.’

Badassery Advocate is still taking shape and will continue to do so.  There is no separation of who I am personally vs. who I am on Badassery Advocate. This fact has made it difficult for me to keep up with the separate Twitter, Facebook and Instagram accounts for BA, but I will do better – because I am a Badass!

I look forward to journeying with you as you heed your call to badassery!

Find me on Facebook at Badassery Advocate, Twitter at @badasseryadvo and Instagram at BadasseryAdvocate.