Pandemic Social Distancing – Page 2

Of Grief, December 9

Posted on December 8, 2020 by sassysheisme

I’ll be honest, this week has been awful so far. My oldest aunt passed away on Sunday afternoon. While I am relieved her husband and one of her children was able to be with her in the end, because of COVID, she spent too many weeks alone, not understanding why. One day there will be a reckoning for the selfish and careless who did nothing to keep this virus at bay. I’m sad, I’m angry, and I hurt for my family who has to navigate what would normally be devastating in itself and now all the rules are different and the norms are thrown out the window.

On top of that, tomorrow would be my older brother’s 55th birthday, so I face tomorrow, as I always do, with mixed emotions, and fresh grief piled on top. Grief is grief. Grief is also different at the beginning and the middle, and grief is different for everyone who experiences it. No one, and I mean no one, should tell another how they should grieve. Yet, I encourage people to feel their way through their grief and not avoid it, no matter how much time has passed – one hour, or forty-two years.

Sometimes, I can’t wrap my brain around time. It’s been almost twenty years since I last heard my brother’s voice or saw his face but measured in feelings, it feels like yesterday. Grief has no expiration date. I used to think it should have a date where it didn’t hurt anymore, or sneak up out of left field and surprise me, but now I know that will be impossible. Where those minutes and years and feelings and time collide, there is a reminder that I was loved by a brother who also teased and tortured and supported me like most brothers do.

If I try to bypass the convergence of grief, triggered by whatever it just so happened to be that day, I miss out on memories, on reminders of silly or lighthearted moments that grief can never take away.

Throw in 2020 and all of its emotional landmines, and sometimes it’s the perfect storm of emotion. Still, I’ve learned to look at grief as a gift – grief leads me back to people I miss, to moments I cherish, to reminders that make me smile, even through tears.

Happy birthday, Scott. You are missed.

creativity, NANOWRIMO, Ocean, Pandemic Social Distancing, Uncategorized

On the Sidewalk (Day 222)

Posted on October 24, 2020 by sassysheisme

If you peruse my Instagram account, you’ll see many photos of items on the sidewalk, from the sidewalk level or on the ground or beach from that level. I was asked why I had decided to switch to that point of view.

Every photographer has a style or particular themes/subjects to their photos. Even if you aren’t a professional photographer, most of us take photos to freeze moments in time – memories, stories that are revived and remembered from that visual cue.

Besides storytelling, my style or theme has always been to take normal, ordinary objects, people or scenes and make them extraordinary by showing or revealing something new from an unusual angle or view. Art is everywhere, you just have to fine tune your eyes to see it.

My creative juices are stimulated by travel, seeing my tribes and visiting parts of the world I’ve never been before. I’ve been social distancing for 222 days now with no end in sight. To say that being in the same place for this long really stagnates the creative well is an understatement. Walking the same sidewalks and trails over and over does not lend itself to inspiration – unless you cultivate it yourself.

A few weeks ago, there was something on the sidewalk and I turned my phone over and put it where the lens was next to the sidewalk to see what that perspective would bring me and the On the Sidewalk series was born.

I’ve been trying to cultivate creativity wherever I can – photography, cooking, blogging. Being creative keeps me more balanced than when I don’t do anything at all. While photography is a love of mine and I do it well, writing is my first love.

That brings me to NANOWRIMO 2020. A typical November finds me traveling for nearly half of it, and I spend a great deal of time in photography mode. This year, I will have ample time off, but nowhere to go due to COVID and Covidiots. I’m challenging myself to do NANOWRIMO and write 50,000 words in 30 days and see if that sparks anything, or at the very least, keeps me sane.

Whenever one well (photography or writing) gets a little dry, tapping the other well seems to bring both back up to a healthier level, which brings me up to a healthier level. I have a few days left to prepare and next Sunday I’m diving in!

Pandemic Social Distancing

Pandemic Social Distancing, Day 214

Posted on October 17, 2020 by sassysheisme

I’ve been mocked by how seriously I take my COVID precautions. I’m not an alarmist. Anyone who tells you COVID not serious or that you don’t have to be careful, or it’s just like the flu, hasn’t experienced COVID personally or known anyone who has or they’ve just been super lucky.

It’s personal now. I hate that it’s personal now. COVID can affect the lungs and heart (and so many other things) long after a negative test. I’ve known this in my head. Now I know it for a fact. I hope none of you have to learn this the hard way either personally or because of someone you know and cared about.

No, I don’t have COVID. And I will continue to be super cautious so I don’t get it. Monday, my doctor cautioned me that the next wave is coming and implored me not to relax, to not let my guard down. Hunker down, get to the other side.

No matter the intention or diligence, the only person I can trust to take care of me and ensure that the right precautions are taken is me.

Today is day 214, and I’m not sure I can do a video today without weeping, screaming or begging. Maybe I’ll try later. I don’t know. I’m still upset. The mixture of emotions – knowing COVID ultimately ended the life of someone I knew, wondering how long we have to wait for the politics to be extracted from this virus and wondering how long until I can safely see people and hug people and just relax outside of my bubble – it’s all so overwhelming right now.

I’m grateful I am able to work from home and I have everything I need in my bubble. I plan on living a long life. I have too much to do and see and experience and I will never take any of that for granted again.

Please, please take COVID seriously. I don’t if care I’m mocked anymore. I know I’m doing what’s right for me and those around me. When I get to the other side of this season, I will have no regrets.

Pandemic Social Distancing, pet peeves

Pandemic Social Distancing Day 200

Posted on October 3, 2020 by sassysheisme

Sir Patrick Stewart totally upstaged me with his social distancing video by dressing up in a tuxedo and drinking a martini while he read his 157th Shakespearean Sonnet. Honestly, I hadn’t planned a big party or to-do about this being the 200th day of virtual isolation, but after seeing that video, I decided to stay with my current theme.

As of this writing, there are over 210,000 Americans dead from COVID, the President of the United States is in the hospital with COVID, with at least a couple dozen assorted staffers, senators and even his campaign manager testing positive as well. It surprises me that a group of people who arrogantly and carelessly ignored CDC guidelines, didn’t social distance, and didn’t wear masks didn’t get infected sooner. Never mind that there are people like me stuck at home for 200 days, who followed the guidelines and protected themselves, and… because of others’ carelessness, we’re probably stuck inside, alone, another 200 days.

When I make comments like that on my social media, to some, it’s chum in the water. Suddenly, I find myself in the middle of a conversation I didn’t want to have, just because I made a statement. It’s exhausting.

It’s also exhausting to deal with the people who may read this and think it’s about them, though I’ve not thought of one specific person or instance, just my recent experiences with social media in general. I remember a friend of mine told me once that “people think about you a lot less than you think.” I’m not sitting at home thinking about you, whoever you are.

I’m stunned at the number of people who feel free to weigh in negatively or argumentatively on a Facebook post, or to comment with something that challenges or seemingly contradicts, uninvited, what you’ve put out into the ether. There are so many that for the first time in 12 years, I’m considering leaving Facebook (at least temporarily). I should be allowed, on my own social media, to say what I think or how I feel without being bombarded with, “but,” or the basic, “you don’t think like I do and I’m going to do my damn best to change your mind.”

I’m not a celebrity, influencer (I’d love a job like that-ha), or superstar. I don’t have a following or a responsibility to “fans.” I’m just me, posting how I feel or think, and it’s not an invitation to police those thoughts and feelings with comments that aren’t encouraging or helpful. I try not to do that myself, and I know how easy it is to get caught up in, “this person MUST know she’s wrong,” or, “I bet she doesn’t know XYZ and I MUST tell her,” or “this person MUST be persuaded to my side of the argument!” When those feelings start creeping into my brain, I’ve actually navigated away from pages saying aloud, “DON’T ENGAGE, DON’T ENGAGE, DON’T ENGAGE!”

We all have the need to be heard, the want to be understood. I went through more than the first half of my life seeking the approval and understanding of others to my own detriment. I was so susceptible to be bent to other’s wills and opinions in that mindset. I wanted to be liked and validated so badly that I lost myself. I’ve gone through hell to find me and I’m not going back.

I am confident that I know my own mind, and I am also mature enough to say I’m wrong when needed. When I post something, typically it’s to share how I’m feeling, and if someone else sees it and thinks, “me too,” and doesn’t feel so alone in the world? All the better.

Whatever happened to the exchange of ideas? When did it become so wrong to hold different ideals? Why do we feel the need or freedom to try and correct or belittle someone? I enjoy discussion, feedback, and learning different perspectives. I am fortunate to have a diverse spectrum of friends and I enjoy our differences. I’m fortunate that most people approach me with respect. For those people I am grateful. Please comment on!

Nearly all of my socialization has taken place virtually for the last 200 days. The last thing I want to do is wallow in the comments of something I posted with people who want to argue or change my mind. Ask my father or brother or Bestie how difficult it is to get me to change my mind.

Life is too short for that waste of energy for me. I will delete a post and move on with my life when someone is looking for a fight. If you really know me, that’s not a flight response. It’s a I know I will fight if I don’t walk away response.

This is what I’ve been pondering on Day 200. I’m tired of being by myself, and though I know one day I will have to assimilate back into society, which will be its own challenge, I’ll be honest – right now it sucks. Imagine 200 days without hugs. Imagine not being able to visit family. That’s the tip of that iceberg.

I’m grateful for social media and the internet and technology that allows me to talk to people’s faces. That’s why I want to keep those things in my life positive experiences, especially right now, 200 days into a marathon.

about shae, Adventures, advocate, Pandemic Social Distancing

When You Have More than You Need, Make PB Sandwiches (or, Pandemic Social Distancing Day 124)

Posted on July 18, 2020 by sassysheisme

While picking up a myriad of packages today at the package lockers, I met a young woman, I’ll call Z, in the apartment lobby. She was picking up boxes of bread, peanut butter and drink pouches.

We started chatting, masked and properly distanced. I asked her if she was off to make a bunch of sandwiches for hungry people. She said she was, and told me what organization she worked with downtown. Donations are down, so she offered to make extra sandwiches for the homeless and hungry population.

After a discussing my own efforts in soup kitchens in DC and NYC when I was in her age, I told her to remember that, even if she doesn’t hear one thank you, or if she feels that there isn’t enough to go around, that sandwich gives hope to the person who receives it. Having had times in my life where I took home groceries from a food bank, it helped bridge a gap and I made it over. Gratefully.

She said that she wanted to give out of her abundance. To give back. This young lady gave me hope that some of the young people do get it. I told her to look for the little things in the experience she was about to have, that those would be the best lessons and things she would remember forever.

I am now on staycation for a week (thanks, COVID) and will try to keep myself entertained. I may drive to the beach and get out and walk if I find a place where I can keep my distance. Someone mentioned an Aggieland Drive-Thru Zoo I might check out. I might frustration clean or get rid of some clutter. Who knows. It may be productive!

I also have a mammogram scheduled for Tuesday. A couple of months later than usual because my original appointment was canceled by COVID. Found a place closer to home, too. So that should be fun, right?

I will make good use of my time off and enjoy myself and relax. I won’t let COVID take that away from me!