QUEST FOR SLEEP

For the past 30 days or so, I’ve been averaging 3-4 hours of restless, interrupted sleep. Most of the time, I can fall asleep just fine, but usually I’m awake again an hour or two later.

I’ve seen the “sleep doctor,” and done the whole battery of tests. I have a circadian rhythm disorder called Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder, and looking back on my life I’d say I’ve had this my whole life.

I have memories of sitting in my window sill after I’d been put to bed, and I’d watch the stars come out. This was in the Majenica house before we moved to the farm in the mid 1970’s. I remember waking up in the middle of the night all the time on the farm. After my stay in the hospital when I was 14, it only seemed to get worse.

The insomnia/DSPD isn’t new to me.

I’ve had my thyroid tested and I take that medicine faithfully, yet I feel that part of my hormonal imbalance hasn’t been fully explored. I also take Tamoxifen, which I am chained to taking another 6 years. I take allergy meds. I am on a med cocktail that I have to take.  If there are any side effects, they exacerbate what already I already experienced.

I just finished 30 minutes on the exercise bike and I’m sitting in front of a light therapy machine.  I’m trying. I remember the sleep doctor saying my only other hope would be more medication. I have taken Ambien recently, but even that is only yielding 4 – 4.5 hours of sleep a night.

I’m not stressed out.

I’m not depressed.

I’m plenty tired.

That’s where I’m most frustrated.  I’m doing yoga. I’m meditating.  I took enough melatonin and GABA the other night to tranq an elephant, but I still woke up two hours later.  I’m doing all the things that are supposed to lead to a good night’s rest. I’m not getting the rest I need.

After a few nights of very little sleep, I feel as if I’m losing my mind. I don’t like that feeling.

Hopefully I will find the formula for a good night’s sleep soon.

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