Posted in random, weight loss


One of the great things about my new job is that I can wear pretty much whatever I want. Therefore, I wear jeans most days. Trouble is, I have two pairs of jeans that actually fit. I was not wearing one of those pairs yesterday.

I was walking down the hallway, my jeans clinging only slightly to my hips, therefore being a little longer than I’m used to. I took a step forward and nearly tripped over my jeans. I had I succeeded, my jeans would have slid down my legs in a heartbeat. I probably would have laughed about it in 20 years.

My only saving grace would have been that I took a little girl’s advice: “If your pants are going to fall down you should be wearing pretty panties.” Thanks, Julia.

I’ve been hitting the clearance racks everywhere I can think of to pick up some tops. I can never find pants I like, but tonight I struck gold at Target and bought two pairs of cargo pants that fit. In the Misses section.

Despite my finds, I’m going to break out the sewing machine this weekend and dart some pants and shorts and try to extend their lives just a little longer so I don’t have to buy clothes for a while.

I hope I don’t have to go buy thread…

Posted in weight loss


Since I’ve changed jobs and no longer have free access to a gym and I have plantar fasciitis in my foot, my exercise options are limited. Jene’ has gotten great results from using an exercise ball, so I thought I’d give that a try.

One, it will keep the weight off my foot and two, it fits in my room. Furthermore, usage of the ball will encourage me to continue yoga to help me keep my balance on this thing. I have history with the exercise ball… and it involved me, the ball, and the plate glass door in our old apartment… and… that’s all you need to know.

Jene’ just gave me a quick tutorial on the exercise ball so I can start with it tomorrow. I’m excited because, though I haven’t really regained any weight I’ve lost, I did lose momentum and I need to get it back.

I look forward to being stronger in 2008 in more ways than one.

Posted in about shae, health, weight loss, Yahweh's fingerprints


I’m watching the new Lifetime show How to Look Good Naked, starring Carson Kressley. I heart Carson because he has a true, deep, abiding compassion for people. Besides reruns of Will & Grace, you’d be hard pressed to get me to watch anything on Lifetime, but I like I said, I heart Carson.

The show is almost over, but I’ve had several flashbacks of shopping with Jene’, my own pint-sized guru ala the BBC hit, What Not to Wear. Jene’ will testify that in the past I’ve been a walking billboard for What Not to Wear. She’s the one who taught me how to buy the right size of bra (it’s SO important) and the person who made me swear never to wear pink again or other blue based reds (and for that I will love her forever). She’s also helped me go through my closet, saying things like, “1990, no, 1987, no…1984 called, they want… this…back,” and my favorite, “Rebecca of Sunnybrook farm called…she wants her dress back.”

More than anything as I’ve watched this show, the thing I noticed about the featured young woman was how her attitude changed. She made a transformation in one day that takes some women a lifetime to make. Regardless of the outward changes this woman made, the ultimate transformation happened inside. Ultimately, she embraced herself as she was. The rest of her “look” just fell into place.

Carson gets it. He stood in front of the mirror with this woman and asked her to talk about how she saw herself. He knows beauty begins with how a woman sees herself, and that…starts on the inside. If he’d just put her on a diet and given her a makeover, he would have failed her miserably. She would never have made a true, lasting transformation.

I don’t have a specific point in time where I can say, “this is the day I stopped hating my body,” but I can say that I no longer hate my body. That transformation, however, didn’t begin with the right bra or getting to throw away one of my pink shirts. The transformation didn’t happen after I’d lost weight or gotten a great haircut. The transformation started on the inside.

Inside. The place within all of us that holds our secrets, our hopes, our dreams, and our self-loathing. Inside is the part that can be covered with designer clothing yet still be a pit of despair. Some of the ugliest people I’ve known could be magazine cover models, but their inside is a self-esteem vacuum.

Sadly, many women believe they’d be sexier if they lost weight. Not true. I know many women who know they are sexy and they’re full figured women who have learned to embrace their curves and love themselves. The inside change, not weight loss, was the key to loving their bodies. The more I’ve learned to love myself, the less of a challenge weight loss actually is… because it’s not about looking good (outside), it’s about feeling good and being healthy (inside).

I’ve spent nearly a decade now working on the inside of me. After two decades of working on the outside with diets and desperation and hiding behind a facade of false happiness, I finally came face to face with myself and dove in and what I uncovered scared the hell out of me.

Once I could admit to myself I’d been abused and that how I’d been treated wasn’t normal, I knew I had to do something about my state of mind, and my state inside. I had to change how I thought, how I acted, how I believed. It’s taken seven years, but I finally feel like the best version of myself. My real, genuine self.

I wouldn’t trade that real, genuine self for anything. No man, no job, no amount of money or status would make me go back to where I was. I love who I am now. I look in the mirror and I like what I see because I see beyond my smile and I see inside, and I’m healthier than I’ve ever been in every sense of the word. It took a long time, and it was a sometimes painful journey, but I’ve learned that the secret of how to look good naked begins within.

Posted in about shae, random, weight loss


I went out this afternoon to drop off my recyling and while I was in that neighborhood, I stopped at one of the few places I actually buy clothes from (and like them). I bought a pair of jeans there in July since the two pairs of jeans I really like are 7 years old and are big enough now that they barely stay up and one day soon they will undoubtedly sprout holes in undesirable places. My pair of July jeans are a size smaller than my really old jeans.

I picked out that same size when I tried on another pair of jeans. The first pair (different style than my July jeans) I pulled up without unzipping them and I looked in the mirror in disbelief. I figured it was because they were a different style.

Next I tried on a pair of jeans that are pretty much the same brand, style and cut of my July jeans. They were a bit baggy. I asked the clerk to get me a size smaller, and she came back with some while I tried on some chinos.

Granted, I have been doing some exercise in the last six weeks, but I had no idea I’d lost any weight at all (I’m not an obsessive weigher). I bought the jeans, though, and retired my two pairs of old jeans.

I came home and celebrated by eating a salad.

My, how times have changed.