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STORIES TO THE STORYTELLER

Usually people will say to the daughter she will turn into her mother, and for the son, the father. I do find this to be true in many cases. My little brother is not only the spitting image of my dad, I really think he’s a clone.  

Instead of turning into my mother, though I know I have many of her traits – like creativity, sewing, organization and a love for science – I actually find myself with many dad traits, but namely, his gift of gab.  My mom could work a room, for sure. She was just careful who she spent time talking with and careful with her information. My dad, on the other hand, will talk to ANYONE and he will talk about ANYTHING.

Not long ago, after talking to a complete stranger about about gluten free cookies, another about my breast cancer diagnosis, and yet another about seasoning sweet potato fries – all during the same grocery store run – I got into the car and realized, in this way, I am just like my dad.

Years ago my parents visited during the rodeo and I took them with me to a Winona concert. My tickets were across the Astrodome from them, and I watched them through my binoculars. My mother sat with her arms folded, taking in the sights, while my dad talked to everyone around him.  He later reported that he was certain the lady that sat behind him told him she was a hooker from New Orleans. He had a great time.  Another time, my flight was late to Ft. Wayne and my mother said my dad talked to everyone in the waiting area, telling them about me, the daughter from Houston, and making friends. It actually didn’t surprise me that when I arrived, my dad was saying goodbye to his new friends.

Back in 2007, I began making an effort to talk to at least 10 strangers during events I attended.  During one minor league baseball game in Sacramento, I had a great conversation with the stadium’s organ player.  On the same trip, my best friend and I had an enlightening conversation in Emerald Bay in Lake Tahoe with a scientist who told me everything I would ever need to know about photosynthesis and his daughter, the wine taster.  

I have met countless people since, all of whom I know random facts about because I struck up conversations with them. Most people are receptive to the random question or smile.  If I encounter someone having a bad day, I try to lift their spirits a bit. I’d rather talk to strangers than cloak myself in silence because I don’t necessarily know them.  I actually find it fun to meet new people.

Mostly, as a storyteller, I enjoy hearing other people’s stories.  Not a bad way to be like the old man.

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SUPER BOWL SUNDAY (OMAHA!)

ImageIn case you haven’t figured it out by now, I am a Peyton Manning fan. I haven’t cheered for the Broncos since Elway won the second of his back-to-back Super Bowls and rode off into the sunset. Today, however, since my favorite quarterback of all time is at the helm of the Broncos and is leading them to Super Bowl victory, I am wearing the pictured Manning jersey. 

Yes, it has sequins on it (I have a JJ Watt one just like it, also with sequins). 

Whether or not the 5-time MVP pulls a Super Bowl victory out of his OMAHA bag of tricks, he will always be my favorite quarterback to watch. In my opinion, he is the best of ALL TIME. I will enjoy this game and I will be honest, I would love for the Broncos to win!

 

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GOAL SETTING, KEEPING IT SIMPLE

RESOLUTION: a firm decision to do or not to do something. – random online dictionary

INSANITY: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. – Albert Einstein

This year has been full of challenges, difficulties, and successes.  Two back-to-back surgeries and learning an entirely new job this year has left my well pretty dry right now, but I’m doing all right. The surgeries were worth it. 55 pounds lost, no helter-skelter roller coaster of emotions and the new duties at work have made today much better than this day last year.

I will go on record saying that, while this was a tough year, it was a good year. I do not do resolutions anymore, but I do have four goals for 2014. All hopefully achievable, all very necessary.

GOAL #1:  NO SURGERIES! This, I hope, is completely achievable. I enter 2014 in the best health I’ve been in for the last 20 years. While epidurals are great, morphine is awesome, and finding out who really has your back when you are medicated and laid out flat on it is educational, I’d rather not have any major medical problems to deal with in the coming year.

GOAL #2: TAKE CAMERA EVERYWHERE I do mean everywhere, except maybe the bathroom. People act a little funny when you walk into a bathroom with a DSLR around your neck. They do not, however, act weird when you walk into a bathroom with an iPhone. I will keep this in mind.

The goal here is to just take as many pictures as I can. Between the surgeries, getting healthy, work, and having my camera stolen, I didn’t take hardly any photos (in comparison to other years) in 2013. Any I did in the first half of last year are still locked away on my backup hard drive. I hope to launch my portfolio on 500x soon and I need to beef it up a bit. So if you see me walk into a bathroom with my camera tell me I need a break.

GOAL #3: HIT MY GOAL WEIGHT I had RNY gastric bypass surgery on March 25. In 9 months, I lost a whopping 55 pounds. After my first surgery this year, my weight went up to 251, the highest it’s ever been. On the day of my bypass surgery, I weighed 238 pounds. That’s the weight I measure by. My goal weight is 140-145. That’s what I weighed in high school. I will see what weight my body settles into. Meanwhile, I will exercise and eat right and do my part. The second half to the goal is always more difficult than the first. This is when I need resolve most.

GOAL #4: MORE “ME” TIME Because of all my surgeries, health issues, and work, I did not have a lot of “me” time.  In 2014, I am going on vacation and taking more short trips (with the camera, of course) and working on photography (which keeps me sane). I hope to be writing more, too. This all takes time with a recharged me. I’m an introvert, so don’t take it personally when I disappear to recharge. I will be a better me if I do.

That’s it. Anything I accomplish outside of these four goals is just gravy.  I find I accomplish more when I keep it simple and these goals seem pretty simple to me. 

Happy New Year! May your goals bring you the accomplishments you desire. 

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OUT OF CONTROL

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I have many things in my life that are “out of control.” Ten years ago, that fact would have terrified me and let me straight into a depressive spin. Now, I find that fact so liberating I almost want to bake a vegan cake to celebrate.

WEIGHT LOSS: I am down 54 pounds as of this morning.  I have absolutely no control over my weight’s descent right now. I can speed it up a bit with cardio, but in reality, right now, the weight comes off of its own free will, or the weight plateaus of its own free will. I can only do my part – exercise and eat right – and leave the rest up to the tool the surgery gave me.

I am still adjusting to the byproducts of weight loss. Buying new clothes (it’s so expensive!) and continually changing the way I eat. Now that I’m gluten and dairy intolerant, I have to cook a lot more than I used to, but I’m loving it. 

The best byproduct of the weight loss is, however, the confidence. I thought I was confident before, now I feel unstoppable. That notion is actually very humbling.  I am blessed beyond measure right now. 

OTHER HEALTH ISSUES: I am experiencing some very real, very troubling pain in my joints, especially my knees, hips and back. The current diagnosis is that the pain is due to a hormonal imbalance that, unfortunately, cannot be balanced right now. I am on an estrogen blocker (Tamoxifen) and I’ve lost a lot of fat cells (that store estrogen) so it’s all out of balance. I can’t take estrogen (my cancer was estrogen positive), so I’m stuck. My doctor said as long as movement alleviated the pain, it was hormonal and not rheumatoid arthritis and not to worry.  Just move. Easier said than done some days.

PHOTOGRAPHY: My plans to launch my own photography site, do shoots, and sell prints came to a screeching halt by cancer interruptus. The last two years I’ve had to pour so much time into getting healthy again that this project had to take a back burner and there wasn’t much I could do about it. I had to let go of my plans, but now I’m working on my site again and am hopeful about 2014.

I have many other out of control things I’m juggling right now – work, hobbies, life. I just need to remember I really don’t have control over any of it and I’ll be fine.

I remember when I was paralyzed by the illusion of control. One thing would go “out of control,” and the anxiety level would climb so high I’d be ill from it. Then one day, I realized control is an illusion. Nobody really is in control of random happenings, the only thing I control is how I react to all the random.

Yes, I still get stressed, but I am happy with where I am right now, even though so many things are up in the air. I can relax because even though nothing is under control, I’m still ok.  

Let go of the illusion of control. Relax. Nothing is under control… and that’s an amazing feeling.

 

Posted in NANOWRIMO, Writing

NANOWRIMO 2013

Because I am a glutton for punishment, I am going to attempt NANOWRIMO this year. I am writing a non-fiction article so perhaps that will help since I don’t have to define or create characters and this is information I really need out of my head.

I have been going through quite a transformation over the last couple of years and I finally feel as if I’m emerging from the cocoon and ready to fly.  While I may never share this year’s NANO effort with anyone else, I need to download my brain.

I’m also going to try to do short blogs a little more often this month to prep for a possible challenge to myself beginning in 2014.

If you are doing NANOWRIMO this year, leave me a post below!

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Thank you for your response. ✨

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PEYTON MANNING RETURNS TO INDIANAPOLIS

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…as a Denver Bronco.

I have been a fan of Peyton’s since he lit up Rockytop at the University of Tennessee. He has charisma, star-power, and humility, and the best football brain I’ve ever seen and the arm to back it up. 

When Jim Irsay gave Peyton his walking papers a couple years ago, I was heartbroken. I was a Colts fan since they came to Indianapolis, but even more so a Peyton Manning fan. I couldn’t imagine Peyton in another uniform, let alone doing so well in another uniform. 

I am thrilled, however, to see Peyton doing so well this year, in fact, he’s having one of his best seasons. No slight to Andrew Luck (who is filling Peyton’s considerable shoes better than anyone thought), but I would have loved to have seen Peyton Manning retire in Colts’ blue. 

I’m hoping that within the next three years, Peyton wins another Super Bowl and can hold that trophy high and dedicate it to John Elway while telling Mr. Irsay to kiss his Bronco butt. No, I’m not bitter.  

Regardless of the outcome, I will wear the orange #18 with pride!

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FEMININITY AND THE SHORT, SASSY ‘DO

I went to see my favorite hair artist, Nora, this week. I asked to keep my hair short, and now that my face is considerably thinner, she agreed rather quickly.

My hair is the shortest it’s been since the 3rd grade, when I demanded my waist-length hair be trimmed exactly like my brother’s. My mother cried for two days and a braid was kept of that hair in a jewelry box until a couple of years ago when my brother (who now has it) asked if he could throw it away. Though he dashed my dreams of creating a mini-me clone, I told him he could.

This haircut wasn’t drastic (to me) because my hair was already short. To others, however, my haircut was a shock, be it good or bad.  I find the diversity of comments made interesting:

  • “You look like a boy.”
  • “It’s sassy!”
  • “Too butch.”
  • “You trying to not look like a girl?”
  • “You should grow it back out. Short hair isn’t feminine.”

I didn’t get the pixie cut to be trendy or hip. I got the pixie cut because I look good with it, I now have 5-minute hair, and my thin, fine hair is no longer a liability.  I personally don’t find long hair feminine per se and my femininity certainly isn’t tied up in the length of my locks.

My femininity transcends my hair length. Femininity is about energy, strength, action & conviction. It has nothing to do w/ponytails or lace, or wearing skirts instead of slacks. Femininity is about attitude, or in my case, my Sassitude. Yes, I can wear more feminine clothes, accessorize, and makeup, and I’m exploring that.

I’ve lost 50 pounds so far. This weight loss has allowed me more freedom to explore my “girlie” side, being able to buy whatever styles I wish in almost any store.  I have no desire to dress like a 20 year old (except for the combat boots).  That said, I am still defining my personal style.  The key word being personal.

I have no idea why people say, “I don’t like it,” to my face in regards to my hair. They are certainly entitled to their opinion. Of course, their comments are so much more about them than me, and I get that. I usually respond, “well, it’s my hair and I love it.” And I do.

I am open to suggestions and help in defining my style and have been grateful when people have taken the time and care to say, “hey, have you thought about wearing scarves?” or “have you been to Charming Charlie?” Style is a whole new world to me. I am much more open to comments like that rather than being told that without long hair I can’t look like a woman.

While I’d rather focus on what’s going on inside of me than on the outside, I do understand and acknowledge that the outside is important, and I’m working on it. What shouldn’t surprise people, however, is that my style is going to be MY style, and that might still yet involve a long skirt and some combat boots, and SHORT, SHORT, hair.

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MORE THOUGHTS POST-KOMEN

On the MetroRail back to Hermann Park, I sat next to a group of nurses who worked for the doctor who gave me the news that I had breast cancer. I remembered how she told me that everything was going to be fine, that I was going to survive this, though I was crying and wondering, “why me?”

I told the nurse the short version of this story, and to tell Doctor N that she was right and that I was grateful for how she handled the most difficult and darkest diagnosis of my life.  

She and her fellow nurses cheered. They love their boss and she was forever a part of my breast cancer story.