Posted in random, Yahweh's fingerprints

MISERY JUST PUT OUT A FOR RENT SIGN

Posted on by sassysheisme

I don’t know where this statement came from tonight, but it pulsed through me like an electric current:  Your misery no longer has my company.

Misery has loved my company for years.  I’m not talking about, “curse God and die,” misery, nor am I talking about intense, miserable pain.  I’m talking about “stuck in a funk” misery… misery’s next-door neighbor, so to speak.

Call it, “blah,” or that heavy sigh you might hear after someone gets to the point of exasperation that if you poke them one more time, you will regret it…or the boiling cauldron of unreleased energy that ripples below your surface of nice… call it whatever you want.  It’s miserable to live in “blah,” when you’ve experienced “WAH HOO!” and the sigh of satisfaction kind of life.

I’ve known some pretty miserable people in my time.  These people walk around under a cloud of permanent rainstorm when it’s sunny all around them.  Their glass isn’t half empty, it’s broken, and nobody is ever going to be able to fix it or understand the significance of its brokenness except them.  They keep that broken glass under the cloud of their permanent rainstorm so their collected tears will run through the cracks and everyone will see how life has beaten them down and feel sorry for them.

I can throw stones at that broken glass because I used to be one of those people.  I decided one Lent, however, to move out of misery’s room.  Unfortunately, I only moved down the hall, but not quite out of the building.  These miserable self-pity party pros will do anything to keep someone around who will moan and lament with them because, if a pity-party happens unattended, does it really have any significance?

My problem is, since I have emerged from misery’s doorstep, I have found I want to turn around, go back down the hall and help people move out of Misery.  I’ve discovered that, while it’s good to try and help people, most people that live in Misery don’t want help. They don’t want to leave their familiar, miserable darkness. Misery is a quicksand that will swallow you whole if you allow one grain of sand in the gears of your new attitude, so you have to follow your new road out of misery.

Though I now consider myself a fairly optimistic, positive person, I can easily find myself knocking on Misery’s door to ask what’s wrong and can I borrow some bitterness?   I think it’s because I didn’t put enough distance between me and the landlord of misery and all these little grains of misery are messing with the gears of change within.  I’m still somewhat connected to their miserable lives and with that connection they trip me up sometimes, and goodness knows I can wallow with the best of them.

Tonight, I just wanted to serve notice to the landlord of Misery:  I’m leaving the building, and God help me, this depressing, life-sucking neighborhood, too.  Sometimes misery is a place, sometimes it’s a person, sometimes it’s an attitude, but whatever makes me miserable has to GO. 

The thing about Misery is that it not only loves company, it sticks like tar.  Misery doesn’t move.  It stays stuck in the same place forever, and people choose to stay stuck there because being happy and satisfied and optimistic and grateful takes a lot more work sometimes, and goodness knows miserable people are already miserable because of work and a hundred thousand other things they choose to be miserable about.

So sorry, Misery, I’m moving out tonight.  I’m sure this isn’t enough notice for you.  Did you know this building is slated for demolition?  We weren’t intended to live like this. I hope you get out before it all crumbles around you so you don’t have to be…miserable… in its rubble.  The saddest part is, you will always have company, because miserable people seem to attract each other like moths to flames.  At first, it’s great to be with people that “understand,” and then ZAP! 

Don’t worry, Misery, the place is just like I found it.  Empty…but full of bad memories.  Dark.  Too cold.  Too hot.  Drippy faucet.  Dead flowers on the balcony.  Oh, but please, Misery, I do not want my deposit back.  You can keep it and be miserable that it’s not nearly enough for all the pain you’ve endured. 

And…um…sorry about the self-loathing I left in the refrigerator. 

Posted in Bro Onions, Yahweh's fingerprints

PEELING BRO ONIONS 2 (+ THE SHALLOT)

Posted on by sassysheisme

I was thinking about my Bro Onions (and The Shallot) this evening.  Seeing the Green Onion tonight and how happy he is (I don’t think dynamite could change his countenance… I blame Schmitty) got it started.  He is always starting something.

The Green Onion is almost always happy.  Not happy in the superficial sense, but satisfied, or at the very least, he doesn’t sweat the small stuff.  He’s been dating a wonderful young woman (Schmitty) and in less than one week after he met her, he went from a goofy goober (terms used affectionately, of course) to a romantic, somewhat sappy, goofy goober.  His priorities have changed (Cane’s misses you) but it’s not like the body snatchers have come and left an alien in his place (I still might go to The Shallot’s and look for pods in the garage, but the Green Onion has always seemed a bit alien to me).  He’s always been that  romantic, sappy guy, but now he just has a chance to show others via Schmitty that he’s that guy.

I would say that I’m surprised to see this side of him, but I’m not.  I knew that guy existed, but I like teasing him about all of his sappy-ness anyway.  It’s what big sisters do.

If I measured the sappy romanticness of the Green Onion and the Transparent Onion, it would be down to ounces of who is more romantic/sappy.  Really.  The Transparent Onion is getting married in 58 days.  (I’m sure he’s got it counted down to nanoseconds).  I can’t wait to be a part of that big day.  I’ve said his mantra about three times today, “I’m just gonna give love a chance,” (not really sure why, either!) and I can’t help but think of him and his lovely bride-to-be when I pray about the kind of love story I want to be a part of.

The Sweet Onion will be getting married in 71 days.  There’s a lot of craziness swirling around in his life right now, but you know, that guy sits in the eye of the hurricane with God and even when he’s quieter or more comptemplative than usual, I know he’s solid.  He’s building testimony right now, and believe me, he’ll tell it to ears that need it one day.

The Opaque Onion is reaping some rewards of being his own boss right now, getting a little rest and downtime after tax season.  I often think about how brave he is, and how leaps of faith don’t happen or turn out well with weak legs.  He built up his strength through trial and when the time came to leap, he was ready. 

Message to the Opaque Onion:  Get your face to Houston (the rest of you can come, too).  I miss your face. 

The Shallot has started a new project with his little boy and whoever wants to be on the crew restoring this Lone Star boat.  This is one of the things that I admire about The Shallot:  he not only has a bucket list, he’s checking things off on that list.

So tonight, I fall asleep pondering weddings, romantic/sappy-ness, faith, giving love a chance and bucket lists.  Always an interesting mix with those Onions (and The Shallot).

Posted in lists, random

RANDOM SASSY-NESS…

Posted on by sassysheisme

I am too tired to finish the thoughts I had rolling around in my brain this evening.  I had jury duty Wednesday and my brain has been fatigued ever since.  I will write about that later this weekend.

Before I try and sleep, however, I must empty my brain of all the random thoughts so it can rest. 

RANDOM SASSY-NESS…
– It’s interesting how we’ll let someone go free because of reasonable doubt or burden of proof, and crucify others with no proof at all.

– People will use rules, regulations, peer pressure, superstitions, and so many other conquerable obstacles to keep themselves separated from real love and friendship… “safe” from loving and being loved in return for so many silly reasons that may even seem logical at the time.  It makes me so sad and angry to watch people do this to each other, yet, I am guilty of this… and I’m guilty of allowing others to be reckless with my heart because of this.  Shame on you.  Shame on me.

– Yes, I did buy coffee at the store this week.

– That “knower” inside of me… I can still hear the Voice.  I can’t explain what a relief that is.

– My niece reminded me tonight that life is short and flies by and suddenly that little girl is almost a woman… and getting her learner’s permit. 

– If that activity/person/thing sucks every creative instinct/urge out of me, and that creative instinct/urge is what keeps me sane… I have some changes to make.

– We have this red, white, and black duck in the pond at work we can’t identify, but until we know what kind of duck he is, we are going to call him Joaquin.

– It’s a sad day when people feel that they can’t express themselves because people don’t understand them or their ideas, and so they hide their ideas away instead.  Can you feel the loss of something you were unaware of?  I believe I do, because, even if I don’t agree with you or your ideas or beliefs, I miss the challenge of working out the surety of my own ideas and beliefs.

– I need to learn to fight harder for what I know is right, for the people I love, and for my sanity.

– Your eyes betray you as much as mine betray me.  The first one that blinks… yeah, I don’t know what the heck that means right now either.

– I have to keep my mind and heart open… because the narrower my mind gets, the harder and colder my heart gets. 

– “Well, that’s just who I am,” only cuts it for God.  The rest of us have to change and grow, or we’ll never be anything like Him.  We will simply become irrelevant and fade away or just be a thorn in somebody else’s flesh.  I think, even as humans, we can be better than that.

– New ideas aren’t the enemy.  Being complacent enough to believe the old ideas are as good as it gets…is.

– The tension of tradition and a fresh direction is worth the pain.

– Listening to the Voice and doing the right thing is its own reward.

– I could do this all night, but I think I’ve siphoned enough off my brain to sleep.  We’ll see.

Posted in Lent, pics, Yahweh's fingerprints

FEELING THE FLIP

Posted on by sassysheisme
Taken at the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo by Sassy

If most of life is perceived right-side up, then I am seeing life from the point of view of this rodeo clown these days.  Everything seems out of whack, but in reality, life is moving along as it always has, I’m just feeling the flip.

While this rodeo clown intentionally jumped off this barrel, I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me through no fault or choice of my own.  I’ve been on a magic carpet ride of sorts for the last couple of years and it’s been a refreshing change from what has been the “normal” in my life.  My circumstances have unfolded fairly well – I have a good job, a great place to live, good friends, and a church that keeps me grounded.  My outlook on life has changed.  My goals have changed.  My heart has changed – all, I believe, for the better.  I have learned that all changes aren’t necessarily bad.

It’s not like life is bad right now, it’s just changing.  Again.  Many things I’ve collected around me on this magic carpet are in flux right now.  I know nothing stays the same, I just don’t want my life to get to a place where I don’t recognize it anymore when the dazed and confused phase ends.  When I’m feeling the flip, all my insecurities surge forward until I’m convinced I’m not going to land on my feet again or be able to recover my balance when I try to stand and get my bearings. 

No matter what happens, if I ask myself, “what’s the worst that could happen?” I can testify from experience that no matter what, I survive.  When I’m feeling the flip, I need to remember that what’s for my good doesn’t always look or feel good from my perspective.

One of these days, all of the things in flux will settle into a new pattern and I’ll see the world from a standing position again.  Until then, I’ll keep feeling the flip and the comfort of knowing the flip doesn’t last.

Posted in Lent, random, Yahweh's fingerprints

PULLING WEEDS

Posted on by sassysheisme

I’ve been sick for almost two weeks now and have been confined to my couch when I’m not at work (or at prepaid, planned events). I’ve watched quite a bit of basketball (sorry, Baylor, Purdue), edited many photos, slept, and had many thoughts sloshing around in my head.  Unfortunately, most of those thoughts are still sloshing, which has made sleep elusive (that, and the coughing).  I hope to start downloading my brain again, but I apologize if to you, the reader, this all seems a little random.

For some reason this just popped into my head:  How to get rid of weeds without all the chemicals? How about the old fashioned way? PULL THEM.  I think it’s all the Lowe’s commercials I’ve seen the past two days where the couple goes to the Garden Center and gets bags and bottles of chemicals so their flowerbeds will be prettier and more productive that led that thought to pop into my head.  Perhaps it was all the time I spent as a kid helping the older folks in my church plant their gardens and flowers in the spring (without chemicals) that has made me wonder why people reach for the quick, man-made solution that could kill everything that’s healthy around the weed, too, and burn holes in their clothes rather than working up a little sweat and just pulling the weed out down to the root, which is usually more eco-friendly and permanent.

This is my brain on decongestants and no sleep.

So, of course, after all the sloshing around in my brain, I began to think about how I’ve been trying to treat this current sinus infection.  Instead of reaching for a Zpack or other antibiotic, I have struggled an extra week trying to combat this menace with Ricola cough drops, Sudafed, oregano oil, my neti pot and Puffs (with lotion).  Granted, I could have gone to the doctor, gotten the Zpack, and been back to my optimum speed in three or four days, but I’m committed to treating my body with as few chemicals as possible. 

Suffice it to say, I’m feeling better, and I’ve managed not to run to the quick fix again, which is a victory and confirmation that, for me, this method is what works.

I used to be the Quick Fix Queen, but often, the problem/illness/character trait would just spring up again, this time bigger and meaner and more resistant to treatment than before.  The circle of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, so I’ve tried to walk off the beaten path and see how that works.  So far, so good.

Yes, sometimes I still want to run to the quick fix, but experience tells me waiting, working through the problem/illness/whatever to the root/core is what will lead to the most growth.  Pulling weeds takes longer, stains your fingers, and sometimes makes the back ache, but in the long run, the soil remains uncontaminated, ready for something new and healthy to grow in its place.  Spraying chemicals might kill the weed, but often, all that’s left is a hole where nothing can grow, at least for a while.

If I want a change in health/life/everything to last, I have to go about it in the way that will yield that result.  I’m in a season of weeding, of trying to pull out of my life whatever keeps me small, fearful, stuck… by the root.  Once and for all. 

Be patient with me.  Change is difficult, and slow, but if I get to the root of the whatever the current weed in my life is and pull it, I won’t have to go back and repeat this process.  The quickest fix of all is to do something right the first time.

Posted in photowalk

PHOTOWALK – HERMANN PARK

Posted on by sassysheisme

I have read about many opportunities in other cities to go on a
Photowalk, where photographers of all skill levels get together and walk and take pictures in various scenic areas of their cities. Photographers can share ideas, tips, techniques and get outside and enjoy the fresh air.

That I know of, Houston has yet to have an organized Photowalk, so a few Saturdays ago, my friend Mish and I went to Hermann Park here in Houston to walk around and take photos (and get my first sunburn patch of the year).

Mish has a Nikon that she shoots with and I have a Canon T1i.  We started at the botanical gardens by the zoo and were quite pleased, despite our cold winter, to find some flowers had bloomed.

The good part of having a nice telephoto lens is not getting near these little guys (I’m allergic)

 There were so many interesting colors.
These flowers reminded me of butterflies.

(Mish and her Nikon!)

Hermann Park has changed in the last few years. They have made a beautiful reflecting pool, and the Japanese garden is very peaceful to walk through. We spent about two hours taking photos of fountains, kids, ducks, turtles, puppies, and families enjoying the cool, sunny day.

I am particularly fascinated with water.  Always have been, so I tend to take many shots like these:

All in all, it was a great morning and I had a lot of fun talking with Mish while we shot photos.  I hope to do it again soon!

Posted in Bro Onions, Lent, Yahweh's fingerprints

CHANGE THE WORLD?

Posted on by sassysheisme

My Transparent Onion has a friend that I’ve only hung out with a couple of times, but he, like my Transparent Onion, asks deep, probing questions disguised as random thoughts.  Of course, his question, awkwardly answered, really did hit me like a ton of bricks – many hours later.  I will get to The Question momentarily.

The first time I met him we were watching TV with the Transparent Onion and his lovely bride-to-be after a birthday dinner.  My Transparent Onion is addicted to various things:  Lost, Texas Aggie sports, other various sports featuring teams that do not wear maroon and white, Ultimate Frisbee, really good music, coffee (his Nana recently enabled him with a coffee grinder the size of a garbage compactor), and, among other things, BBC America’s Planet Earth. 

After we finished a section of Planet Earth, this lanky blonde sits up from where he had unfolded on the floor and asks, “So, what do you do to change the world every day?”

Inside, my reaction was identical to the first time the Transparent Onion asked me one of his deeply probing randomly-disquised questions, “Um…like…do you know me?!”  My answer meandered because one, I was not expecting the question (but I guess I should.  My Transparent Onion rolls with some pretty deep and pondering peeps), and two, if you could sum up what I do for a living it’s making order from chaos, which doesn’t sound very exciting or fulfilling.  If you peel away the layers of any job I’ve had, though, that phrase is the most basic way to describe my work skill set, and it’s easier than trying to describe what I do without people pulling from their file of perceived notions of what my job actually is.

Of course, I went home that night and couldn’t get that question off my mind.  When it comes down to it, what I do (at least for a living) really does nothing to change the world – at least I don’t see it that way. 

There are things I do (writing, photography, friendship and other unquantifiables) that perhaps, at the very least, bring joy or a new view or perspective to the world, but my work revolves around none of these things.  After I was asked The Question, I see how out of balance this is (and I will continue to work on reversing that).

Most of the time I feel like a star-shaped peg trying to find the place I fit while walking through a maze of round and square holes, and that includes my life outside work.  One day, I will find that star-shaped hole and I will fit in it so naturally I will wonder how on earth I kept missing it.

What I’ve finally decided is that it’s not necessarily what I do that changes the world, it’s who I am and Whose I am that is the starting point of whether or not I am a world changer.  That realization is a difficult pill to swallow when I get reminded every once in a while that I’m not always the best advertisement of God.  

I am certain about one thing pertaining to my answer to The Question – it needs to be a different one.  First of all, I need to be in the mindset of changing the world every day, even if the world, for that moment, is as big as a cubicle or a conference room, or perhaps even someone’s living room, car or couch.   Second, I need to empower myself to utilize the skills that really are my world changers. 

I need to be better prepared to answer questions like The Question.  Dang those Bro Onions and their brothers from… different gardens… These young men keep me on my toes, which, I guess, in many ways, changes my world one day at a time. 

I’m working on that different answer now.  Thanks for that world changing question. 

Posted in pics, random

SO THIS TRUCK BLEW UP OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT THIS MORNING…

Posted on by sassysheisme
In the middle of my usual Saturday morning activities (this usually means cleaning), I heard a loud BOOM, much like a transformer blowing up.  Since I’d heard many transformers up during Hurricane Ike, I thought I knew this noise well.

The second boom came just a few minutes later, followed by screaming, sirens and another boom.  I looked out the window and couldn’t see anything because of all the smoke.

Naturally, I grabbed my camera, went out the door, went back inside, put pants, shoes and a coat on, then went back outside and took pictures.

This is what was left of this man’s truck.  Strewn behind it were boxes of steak that the man kept running back to the truck and tossing on the grass.  He apparently had a cooler and a deep freeze in his truck, too.  
 
By the time I got outside, the firemen had the fire under control (the tree above it had caught fire, too).  Here are some pics of what was left of the truck.

This is how close it was.  My car is just out of frame.  It was a little excitement in my day, then I went back to cleaning!  woo hoo!