My Bestie got me this bracelet for my upcoming birthday. The inscription is a wonderfully timed reminder to roar!
Bayberry Candles
Happy New Year!
Bayberry candles burned to the socket, bring health to the home and wealth to the pocket!
One Word 365 “Roar!”
In the past, for the One Word 365 Challenge I’ve chosen words like, “Imagine,” “See,” “Adventure,” and “Hope.” One of my favorites that still resonates is, “Fearless.”
As I’m completing my fiftieth birthday year, it is now almost 2020. I set out to have certain goals met by now, some I’ve just squeezed in at the last minute. I am now living my most authentic life, still evolving and learning, but the most me I’ve ever been.
My word for this coming year is, “Roar!” Now that I feel the most me, the most authentic, it’s time the world heard my voice, my thoughts, my stories (visual, written, and verbal) and my truth.
Stay tuned. You are about to hear me roar!
Roar, by Katy Perry
I got the eye of the tiger
A fighter
Dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
YES, MAMMOGRAMS HURT, BUT…
Get your mammogram!
I get asked often, “does it hurt?”
Yes… BUT
It does not hurt as much as 2nd degree radiation burns during treatment.
It does not hurt as much as the old school c-section style hysterectomy I had to get because I had to take meds to keep the cancer from returning that had the side effect of possible uterine cancer.
It does not hurt as much as a biopsy.
It does not hurt as much as a lumpectomy.
It’s cheaper than cancer treatment.
A mammogram led to early detection and I know that saved my life. It was worth 4 short, intense squeezes that take less than 10 minutes!
Blackkklansman
I’ve watched Blackkklansman several times now. Parts of it make me sick, particularly the parts where “Christians” believe white is right and the only color. Harry Belafonte’s part where he recounts several atrocities is particularly strong. One hopes we’ve made progress. Right?
Then a church going white man drives into a crowd to kill people for their assumed religion based on how they look. In Sunnyvale, California. In 2019.
We can do better, America. We need to stand up for each other. Own the past. Change the future.
I still have hope change can happen. May I do my part.
VALENTINE’S DAY BLUES?
I know a lot of people can be depressed on Valentine’s Day if they don’t belong to a pair. No candy, no flowers, no dates, etc.
I learned a long time ago – I buy myself flowers. I purchase my own jewelry. I take myself out on “dates.” I eat the chocolates my coworkers’ other halves buy. 😉 I am not enamored with this one day a year of love celebration.
I celebrate love every day. I try to love people as best I can every day. I don’t need to focus on this one day where I don’t have something or someone “special” to celebrate.
Best of all, I love myself well. I am not lonely at all. I am enough.
I hope that all who may feel lonely or let down by today can get to the point where they truly believe and know they are enough. That state of being is completely possible! I live in it every day.
Buy yourself some daisies and open a bottle of wine. You are loved and you are enough.
IMAGINE THAT
Sitting here on New Year’s Eve again, watching football, burning my bayberry candle (“Bayberry candles burned to the socket, bring health to the home and wealth to the pocket!”) I am once again pondering my One Word for the new year. For 2018, it was, “Adventure.”
I did not do as well chronicling my adventures this year. I am without a laptop at home and hunting and pecking with fingers or a stylus on the iPad didn’t seem feasible. I now have a decent bluetooth keyboard and hopefully that will help with my apathy.
From adventures in Disneyland to the skyward reaching pines of Arnold, California, I thoroughly enjoyed this year. I embraced many new things and sought to treat the ordinary as adventures in themselves.
I had a lined piece of paper on my coffee table with 23 words that I started for my One Word search. The last one is the one I’m choosing for 2019. The other 22 will have to wait.
My #ONEWORD365 is “imagine.” So much of my life has changed because I have dared to imagine that my life could be different. I have imagined living my most authentic life, and now here I am. I have imagined that I could tell stories with words and images, and I have. I have imagined that I could make my way in the world, and I have done that as well.
In 2019, I will carry forward all I have imagined and will imagine and execute new dreams and plans. Can you imagine? I can.
THANKSGIVING BUZZ
I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. Whenever I’ve asked a hairdresser to do it, they’ve balked. Their definition of femininity didn’t allow it.
Know that I LOVE IT. If you don’t, that’s ok. I didn’t do it for you. It’s the most freeing thing I’ve done with my “look” since I cut it shorter in the first place.
It’s so freeing. I have heard my whole life, from people who mean well, how “pretty” I’d be if I a) lost weight, b) was more demure, c) had long, high-maintenance hair.
I don’t need to be “pretty.” I’m already beautiful.
THE TRAUMA OF ME TOO
Regardless of your political affiliation or personal feelings about sexual assault victims or trauma, please consider all the people whose abuse or trauma still hides in the shadows, in their traumatized hearts and minds.
You may not know you are standing next to a sexual assault victim, that you’ve known this person for decades and they’ve never summoned the courage to tell you their truth.
Sexual assault is more common than you might think. People are afraid to come forward for a myriad of reasons. It’s complicated.
You don’t know.
You may not know that you know their abuser and to you, he may appear to be the most faithful family man you’ve ever think you’ve known. You’d never believe it because that hasn’t been your experience with that person. But he, too, has a secret he won’t tell.
You don’t know.
You may not know that when you roll over at night and put your arm around the person you love, that they’ve pushed their pain down so far they can’t even put to words what happened to them, so it remains buried, at least until the triggering event comes along to where everything explodes like a messy science fair volcano.
You don’t know.
All I ask is that you consider your words when speaking of this kind of trauma. You never know who is listening and what they’ve had to, or still are dealing with. I know one too many sexual assault survivors and the last couple of years have been traumatic for them, and this past week has been especially tough.
You don’t know.
To any sexual assault survivors out there still hiding in the shadows, if you need a safe place, let me know, because…I know.
REMINDERS OF WHAT WAS
Today, my Bestie posted a photo of herself from last summer and then posted a photo of herself from today for comparison. The longer the before image lingered there, the more she was bothered by it. She “loathes” that photo.
I encouraged her to leave it up as encouragement to others. I know she’s probably looked at it over and over a few dozen times, loathing that photo, but not the person in the photo. I know she’s grown beyond that. Still, she’s left that photo up and I am so proud of her. That willingness is a benchmark of courage in a long and painful journey.
How many of us have old photos, keepsakes, or reminders of ourselves from our past, reminders of what was so we can appreciate what is now? Most of us probably do. I think it’s important not to dwell on the past. That’s for certain. If we eliminate all reminders of what was, we have no comparison to see how far we’ve come. In some cases, that’s a merciful thing. In other circumstances, ridding ourselves of something to compare our progress by, we eliminate an important way to measure our progress.
I’m truly proud of my Bestie and her courage to share her progress with the world. That’s a vulnerability that’s a sign of strength. She inspires me, and I hope, by sharing her journey, she will inspire someone to start a journey of their own.
Sassy Dreams Awake 