Posted in kids

PRESCHOOL PIROUETTES

I just returned from a preschool dance recital. My roommate is a nanny and I have often visited her at work and played with the children on days when I’m not working (the parents are okay with this by the way). Sadly, since my niece and nephew are in Indiana, time with these children is some of the most contact I have with ankle-biters and knee-huggers. So, when the opportunity to actually go to a dance recital came about, I eagerly jumped at the chance. (and, I just need to get out of the house sometimes you know)

There are three distinct groups of preschool dancers. A) the serious, trying to hard to impress mommy and daddy because this is the only attention I will get all week dancers, B) the silly “I’m in my own world,” dancers, and C) the “NO!” I’m not going to do it dancers. This group appeared to have 3-5 year olds but since this was not the first recital, so group C was not represented this time around.

I went to see Sara dance. Sara will be 4 in August, and enthusiastically represented group B. She truly enjoyed herself. I was amazed that kids that young could pay attention for an hour’s worth of dancing, so I was not surprised that Sara would occasionally get wrapped up in spinning or twirling and her mind would wander off. Then suddenly, she’d snap to and giggle and get back in line and start watching the teacher again. The teacher gets an award for patience, because at any given time, only two of the fifteen girls were doing anything at the same time. Sara had a great time and she was a joy to watch.

Group A was difficult to watch. There were at least three girls who were so serious about doing everything perfectly that they didn’t smile the entire time. This made me sad. It’s sad to think that something so fun can be serious (for whatever reason) for a child so young. Group B and Group C parents are easy to spot in the crowd. They are either laughing at their twirlers or somewhere between amused and embarrassed at the constant, “NO!” and lack of dancing. Group A parents are tough to spot. The Group A girls are so serious about getting everything right so their parents (if they were there) would be proud of them… that they really didn’t take their eyes off the teacher to make eye contact with their parents.

Ah, the parents. Most of the parents there had just come from work (you know, high end jobs) and most of the moms in attendance appeared to be working moms. Parents and a few grandparents lined the back of the room with sophisticated cameras and video equipment. What struck me was how many parents kept looking at their watches and how many of them were late. Most of the late parents came in the door with bouquets of roses for their little ballerinas. I wonder if they were late because of the flowers and I wonder if they would have bought the flowers if they knew how excited their kids would be just because they showed up.

Now not all parents are that way — Sara’s parents have been careful not to spoil her (too much-ha). She, unlike many of the others, did not get a new outfit to dance in each week. Sara danced in the same leotard all semester. Sara did not get a dozen roses after the recital, but a single rose (from her nanny) and a tiny bouquet of purple flowers (from her mommy) that one of her baby sisters quickly dismantled. I was flabbergasted at all the flowers to tell the truth. I was in high school before I got a single rose from anybody… well, that’s not counting all the dandelions my little brother used to bring me from the yard. I started thinking, “What will these girls have to look forward to?” and also wondered what they would think when a boy approached them when they were 16 with a single daisy. Will they be disappointed? After all, at 3 years old, they got a dozen roses.

I’ve seen some of these kids birthday parties, too. After attending one three year old’s birthday party a few years ago (that included a 7′ Pooh that scared all the kids, a moon walk on their front lawn (and the permits from the city to shut the street down so there would be ample parking) and party favors for each attendee that cost at least $10 each – for over 20 three year old guests) I turned to the father and asked, “So, what are you going to do when he’s 16? Buy him a Lexus and have his favorite rock group over for a party?” He shrugged his shoulders and pointed to a little boy who was running around punching the other kids. “His party was last week,” he sighed, “and he had a petting zoo in his yard, a clown, and a juggler. I wasn’t sure how to top that.” Sad… very, very sad.

These are also the same preschoolers who have TV/VCR combos in their rooms, CD players and enough toys to fill FAO Schwartz. I got my first tape recorder/radio combo when I was 12 and I had to buy it. I had a TV (black & white and there was no remote) in my room when I was 14, but that was only after my appendix burst and I almost died and I had to stay in bed a lot (and my grandfather bought it). For my birthday last year, a friend of mine sent me some Gerbrera daisies for my birthday and I was so thrilled. I was in my mid to late twenties before I had most of the appliances that these kids take for granted and they aren’t even 5 yet! No wonder kids turn to drugs and sex and other horrible things to get that next high. Their parents set them up for it, yet these parents are the ones who are surprised when little Cindy gets arrested for alcohol possession at 14.

Oh, I could go on and on. Sometimes I wonder why people have kids if they don’t want to raise them… but that’s another blog entry.

Toodles, peeps!

Posted in music

RUBEN IS MY (AMERICAN) IDOL

Let me start this blog by stating that I am not, I repeat NOT into reality television. I have a friend at work who has seen every reality series that has been on television, including the spectacular Temptation Island, and I had to write her a very special Top 10 about her reality TV addiction (if I find it, I’ll post it). I confess that in the 90’s I got into MTV’s The Real World (2 – LA, 9ish – New Orleans) because each featured a committed Christian and I was fascinated to see how they would navigate an MTV show and survive the persecution and mocking. The rest of The Real World Series didn’t interest me. I have never watched Survivor, and The Bachelor is single for a reason. I might actually watch the one about comics because I like to laugh and because it’s on network TV the comedy will have to be somewhat clean… but I will probably pass on it. TV is so saturated with reality shows right now that I couldn’t help but laugh when the most recent, the one about models, was announced. Let’s face it… I watch TV to AVOID reality.

I have not watched American Idol, either. I know enough about the shows because Houston DJ’s can’t avoid talking about it the morning after an American Idol show, especially since top ten finalist Kimberly Caldwell was from Katy, a suburb of Houston. After all the oohing and ahhing over Ruben Studdard you’d think I’d tune in, but I resisted. So, while at home today (you know, I’m semi-unemployed) I heard that Oprah was doing a show behind the scenes of American Idol. I thought, “Wow, I can watch one hour and be caught up on the whole thing!” I saved myself countless hours by doing this, trust me.

HOWEVER, once I heard Ruben sing, well, let’s just say I have kicked myself repeatedly for the last hour. I probably won’t watch American Idol tonight (come on, there are two NBA playoff games on tonight) but the minute the man puts out a CD, I will own it.

I do know, however, why I did not allow myself to get caught up in this show… I’d have too many nightmares about the evil things I’d want to do to Simon.

Posted in about shae, creativity, Writing

TIME FOR A RE-WRITE

Okay. I get it now. It’s sink or swim time. Put your money where your mouth is time. It’s I’ve got to do this or I’ll explode time.

SO…

Please pray for me. I am at a crossroads in my life. I am still looking for a job, still searching for a way to keep myself from becoming a homeless statistic. You know how they say most people are two paychecks away from being homeless? I guess I represent most people. I have scrounged my way for three years now and I’m nowhere near any goal I have ever set for myself — except for the goal of not being homeless. I’m precariously near blowing that goal and failing at something most people take for granted — putting a roof over their heads.

Therefore, in addition to trying to find a job, I am going to try something radically different. I am going to try to do some freelance writing to supplement my income.

“It’s about time!” you shout at your computer monitor.

“Go for it!” you chant while your neighbors think you’re looney.

“What’s taken you so long?” you inquire loudly to no one in particular.

…and yet some of you will declare: “Have you lost your mind?!”

Well, listen. I’ve listened to the “Have you lost your mind?!” crowd for 34 years and y’all are full of (fill in the blank — use your imagination– be colorful). I’ve listened to y’all and look where it’s gotten me. I’m miserable, out of sync, and barely surviving. I’ve tried to fit into the mold that our workaholic culture dictates, and I just can’t do it anymore. If you think I’ve lost my mind, I have, but in the process, I’ve retrieved my soul from the abyss of You Will Never Succeed So Why Even Bother? or another vestibule of creative hell.

Once that notion crystalized in my worn out brain, my ears perked up and my eyes brightened. Yes, indeed, I have lost my mind! If the “Have you lost your mind?!” crowd has anything to say, I reject it, and they can keep it and do whatever makes them happy with it, but for the love of Pete, please don’t try to infect anyone else with the negative psychobabble. Y’all have nearly killed me. Please don’t do it to anybody else. If you’re unhappy with your life, fine. Either do something about it or shut up.

For me, to not create is self destructive. I’ve had it drilled into my head since I was a kid that creativity was not practical, and that dreams come true for other people. Well, for decades now, I’ve tried to be practical and I’ve watched other people’s dreams come true. Practicality, conformity and the death of my dreams has not prospered me whatsoever. So, I’m taking a U-turn now. It may not turn out how I picture it… but I’m pretty sure that’s a good thing. It will most likely turn out better. It may be a long, very long time before I see any results from my labors, but I’m not going to deny myself anymore. It’s my time now and I have no problem with saying that any longer.

Anyone who has a problem with it, proceed with caution if you ask for an autographed copy of anything I’ve written, and don’t expect to see your name under acknowledgments or thank you’s. Amen. And if that seems harsh to y’all, imagine what y’all did to me every time you took my dreams and squashed them in the name of practicality and conformity and all the other garbage y’all fed me. I think, yes, I know I’m being much nicer to you right now than you were to me and my dreams. Trust me on this.

So… I’m finally going to try to realign myself with who I was so long ago… and go a different direction. I may not succeed in dollars, but I will succeed in sense.

Posted in random

“I’M INVISIBLE AND I’M WET…”

Okay. I think I may have a problem… I have just watched The Princess Diaries for the THIRD time in 24 hours. Is there a Princess Diaries Anonymous?

Posted in weather

80 DEGREES AT 9 PM

It’s 80 degrees at 9 p.m. It’s still hot upstairs… the air conditioner has run all day. Yes, it’s the beginning of May and it’s already hitting the high 80’s and even the 90’s during the day. Somewhere in Central America grass is burning and it’s blowing up the coast and making our days hazy, our eyes water, and it’s making me sneeze. (Achoo! Bless me or something). From now until mid October, Southeast Texas is a sauna. The hazy air is just the icing on the cake.

It’s the eve of Mother’s Day. The first Mother’s Day without my mom. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel, really. My main goal is just to get through tomorrow and move on. I haven’t been home on Mother’s Day since 1994. Most of Mother’s Day has been cards and phone calls. It’s an odd feeling when you can’t call anymore. As a friendly tip, keep that in mind.

It’s time for me to go adjust the a/c again. I will make it through tomorrow and I will keep my chin up, I promise.

Posted in friends

A WALK DOWN MEMORY LANE

(10 things that make me think of a certain Nerkian – you know who you are!)

I apologize if you don’t get most of these, but hey, I’m getting back into the swing of doing “lists.” I know of one person who will enjoy this immensely and you (and you know who you are, too) will get your list soon… or you could try and guess who my favorite Nerkian is!

10) Penny Lane. I heard that song this week and started singing, “Anderson is in my ears and in my eyes…” and Jene’ turned to me and wondered if I bumped my head too hard or something.

9) Love Snaps (TM). Rubber bands – free entertainment. And that’s all I have to say about that…

8) Noxious fumes and the woman who gave birth to 16 babies at once. Stay up until 3 a.m. with a good friend and read The Star or the National Enquirer and fun will commence. I mean, if you believe those stories, you need more help than I can give you.

7) Well YOU can be…. While driving in the country recently… well, I saw this barn door… and started laughing.

6) Green Acres. Still can’t stand that song unless it is sung by a certain group of people. Whenever that Old Navy commercial came on the air, I cried out in protest!

5) Bari Sax. No, not a person. An instrument of epic proportions. Anchors a jazz ensemble (in my humble opinion). HONK!

4) Bright orange birthday cards. Very LARGE, blinding orange birthday cards…

3) HELLO! My name is Inigo Montoya… you killed my father… prepare to die. I mean, I can quote this movie backwards and forwards, but the Nerkian can trump me on this one…and several Mel Brooks movies.

2) Ohio… is how you say hello in Japanese. The other “Ohio” is a state full of nuts… I mean Buckeyes.

1) MacGyver. The other day, I was jerryrigging something… with duct tape, a paper clip, an eraser and some sticky tak… ah, the memories…

And for honorable mention… think Popeye…

Okay, that is it for this evening… I will list more later!

Posted in receptionist ramblings

PET PEEVES OF A RECEPTIONIST…IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

I’m sure I speak for receptionists everywhere. You know who we are. We have those earphone thingys jammed in our ears and the microphone thingys make us look as if we should jump up on stage at any moment and start singing. We are the switchboard operators, the person you call to get transferred to the person with whom you actually wish to speak because you forgot their direct dial number and the switchboard number is just easier to remember. Hey, that’s why we’re there.

I came up with this list today because I get frustrated with people who don’t know how to behave on the phone and this venting just helped somehow. Some are serious, some are funny, and ALL have happened to me! (But not all have happened at the church where I work) The moral of the story is: Be nice to the person you’re calling. Avoid the following and you are likely to get transferred to the person/department you actually want instead of a random recording.

X) When you call while you’re getting out of your car please (I’m begging you) first remove your keys from the ignition… I can hear that beep, too, and because I have an earphone thingy jammed into my ear, it’s usually louder than you think.

X) If your kids are screaming in your ear… they’re screaming into mine, too, and see above about the earphone thingy.

X) Please, please, please, turn down your radio before you make your call… and see above about the earphone thingy.

X) Don’t continue a conversation with someone else while you are waiting for me to answer. Chances are, you’ll still be talking when I answer and when I start talking you won’t hear me. Thus confusion ensues for you and frustration ensues for me.

X) If you’re in your car and it’s raining really hard… not only should you NOT be using your phone and driving… I won’t be able to hear you over the pounding rain. Remember, when you call me, I have that earphone thingy jammed in my ear… blah, blah, blah.

X) Speaker phones are really annoying and you sound like you are at the end of a tunnel and probably drunk.

X) Know what, who, why and what you are calling for before you dial my number. Be concise and to the point. I do not need your life’s story. I do not need to know that you knew so and so on staff when they were in college, that your dog just did a no no on the floor, or how many cuss words you know. All I require are the reasons you called for in the first place. The four people after you waiting for me to answer their call don’t want to know your life story either.

X) For most companies who have multi-line phone systems, the company’s main number is likely the one that will show up on caller ID. If the person who called did not leave a message, please don’t call the number and ask who called you from that number. The receptionist will not know and since the person didn’t leave a message, you are wasting everyone’s time. Yelling at the receptionist for not knowing which person on a staff of 250 called you will not help. If it really means that much to you, call Dionne and her psychic friends and then call me back.

X) Please… try to finish chewing before I answer and please wait to clear your throat until you hear the hold music. Earphone thingy jammed in my ear…you know the rest.

X) Please, please, please understand that Mr. Gehpaidtumutch is not sitting at his desk waiting for you to call him and neither is his secretary Yesther Fakke. People do get up to go to the bathroom. They have meetings. They eat lunch. They talk to other people on the phone. Get over it. Voice mail is your friend. Leave a message there. Embrace the technology.

X) I’m begging you… make sure you know you are dialing a fax machine before you push the go button. The blood running out of my ear after receiving a fax call is just not attractive. Remember, most receptionists have that earphone thingy…

X) Please don’t wait for me to answer and then hang up in my ear if you think I’ve taken too long to answer the phone then call back 10 seconds later to prove your point.

X) Lo siento no habla Espanol and I haven’t learned it since the last time you called.

And, while I’m at it, let me add some of the odd calls I’ve gotten since being a receptionist at a rather large church. You learn a lot from people on a certain “wavelength.” For example:

Virgins have supernatural power. One lady (who calls often and more than one of these are hers) called and said that she needed prayer because she was a virgin and she wanted to have children someday and that wasn’t going to happen if she went to jail… because… the knife only missed the bad drunk man by inches and the knife was still stuck in the door. She was afraid because virgins have supernatural power and she would probably hurt him eventually and therefore never have children. (Don’t worry, this woman is institutionalized and isn’t where she can actually hurts people… the thing is… we’re not sure how she gets to a phone).

God knows where the Windows XP recovery disk is and I should ask him and report back. A lady called and asked me to pray and ask God to help her find the Windows XP recovery disk she had misplaced. She said I should ask God where is was and get back to her when he told me. Then she hung up without giving me her phone number. Of course, God hasn’t told me where it is yet, so I guess having the number wouldn’t help.

George W. Bush is a Nazi. After all, his book was next to the one with the swastika on it at Borders.

What, are we neutral now? The moral of the story is… don’t fly white wedding flags during a war. There was a major wedding at the church the weekend after the Iraqi War started. One of the things that you can do is fly white flags down the main sidewalk as a part of your wedding decor. I’m not kidding, more than one person called and asked if the church had taken a neutral position on the war and they were outraged. Even after I explained the whole wedding bit these people were not satisfied. Finally I just said they were for lent and people shut up. Baptists don’t do lent, but apparently a spiritual explanation is better than a nupital one.

Censor, in a Way (35 Across) One morning, a little old man sitting at a table doing crosswords with his friends at Wal-Mart called me and asked me a crossword question — after all, receptionists apparently know everything.

I could go on and on… I have so many stories. Perhaps someday I should write The Receptionist Diaries or something…

Posted in relationships, Yahweh's fingerprints

A PRINCESS DIARY ENTRY:

Okay, so I watched this charming little movie tonight called The Princess Diaries. I totally identified with Mia, the poor, unfortunate klutz with bushy hair and thick eyebrows (think the daughter of Groucho Marx and Brooke Shields) who finds out she’s really a princess. If you’ve seen it, then you’ll understand why I roared with laughter when, at a fancy schmancy dinner with too many forks of various sizes and costly breakable dinnerware, Mia accidentally sets the person next to her on fire. My other favorite scene was when Mia tried to put on pantyhose on in the back of the limo. Yes, I totally identify with the teenage klutz, only I am not now a princess of a small insignificant European country that is famous for its pears. Hmm…

And now, other musings:

I once prayed with a young woman who was concerned about her husband, who, though raised in the church, had now stated he no longer believes in God. Personally, I cannot imagine saying, “‘Til death do us part,” with someone and then have them say, two years down the road, “oh, by the way, I don’t believe in God anymore.” The tears this young woman shed (young 20’s) as she told me her story made my heart heavy. She was committed to staying with him, praying for him, and hanging in there with him. She was really hurting, and though I prayed with her, I know her heart still had to hurt because she could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Have you ever left a wedding and known that “God did that,” or have you left and felt as if you’ve wasted an afternoon? I’ve seen many people I care about (who said the Christian aspect and God’s will, of course, was paramount) get married to “Christians” (see #4 from previous post) and reap much sorrow. Some gave up on the Christian aspect all together and married the man that asked, regardless of his spirituality or lack thereof. In love with being in love and not necessarily the person they married, the idea of getting married somehow threw off and overpowered their true spiritual radar and led them down the aisle of regret rather than down the aisle of celebration. I don’t know if this was the case of the young lady I prayed with or not. I do know, however, when I finished praying with her, I appreciated my singleness that much more. I would rather be happy and single than miserably married. Granted, when I was 25 I said that begrudgingly and with many tears… but at 34 I can now say it with a smile on my face and mean it wholeheartedly.

I truly admire married people who are in God’s will and make the whole marriage thing work. You know who they are… their wedding was a celebration, but more than that, they prepared for the marriage much harder and longer than they did for the wedding day itself. They are the married couple you make your boyfriend spend time with so he sees “how it’s really done.” They are the couple you most love to see fight so you can take notes on how they resolved the conflict and how they stayed married after Chuck forgot to bring the loaf of bread home after work (again). They are the couple you love to see discipline their children, manage their finances, run their home and take that cross-country vacation in the car with all of their children and enjoy the trip or at least live to tell about it. They are the couple that gently reminds you that the whole marriage thing is work, but it’s fun, frustrating and rewarding work.

I could write paragraph after paragraph about the accountability I have in this area (and many others), but I will just write one. All of us need accountability. If you start dating someone and you can’t or won’t take him to meet the people who hold you accountable, BIG FAT RED FLAG #1. If your best friend says, “What the crack are you thinking?” when she meets him — BIG FAT RED FLAG #2. If you compare this man to one half of your favorite godly married couple and he not only falls short, he falls off, BIG FAT RED FLAG #3. If you even get this far, you have to ask yourself: Is this guy worth it? Because, let me tell you, if he’s a red flag after red flag and you ignore all the red flags because you think it’s better to be married to a red flag than be single, you will be married and miserable and very lonely… because while people will be there for you no matter what, they may not stick around to watch you willingly self destruct.

Take it from this singleton: No red flag is worth it (and believe me, I’ve considered one red flag too many). I can say this with all honesty — I would rather be single and happy and free from the sorrow of a bad marriage than miserably married. I declare this often to many young people and will preach it from the rooftops even after I’m married to the man who exceeds comparisons to one half of my favorite godly married couple.

Posted in relationships

A SPECIAL GUEST TOP 10

My friend D Squared in Tennessee sent me this today and I had to share. (Hope you don’t mind, D… :p)

Top 10 Reasons Scheryce/Dee are not married. . .

10. When I kiss the frog he turns into a TOAD

9. Polygyny isn’t my bag

8. My biological clock isn’t ticking – it’s digital

7. Shrimp cocktail is considered a food, not a social status

6. I don’t care if my eggs get old

5. My parents would miss me

4. “I’m a Christian” is not a pick up line

3. No one seems to believe that I am not hard to please

2. Contrary to popular belief, celibacy is not an STD

1. Everything is in Divine Order

Posted in food

RULES FOR EASTER CANDY

Rule #1 Don’t leave the Easter basket sitting on the coffee table and leave the blinds open, too.

Rule #2 Don’t eat all your jelly beans at once. (Smucker’s jelly beans are really good but those green apple and orange ones are tart).

Rule #3 Don’t go buy more Easter candy just because it’s on sale (i.e. dark chocolate Hershey hugs…)

Rule #4 Anything choclate made in the shape of an animal is cute, but usually doesn’t taste as good as it looks.

Rule #5 Peeps. Just say no.

I have a tummy ache…